男朋友因為約會遲到生氣了該怎麼辦？

下面附上作者原文，希望能對你有所幫助。(?ì _ í?)

"Me? I made the mistake?" I was only half joking.

（有能力者可繼續閱讀全篇）

Here』s another example: You send an email to a colleague telling him you think he could have spoken up more in a meeting.

He replies to the email, 「Maybe if you spoke less, I would have had an opportunity to say something!」

That obviously rankles you. Still, you send off another email trying to clarify the first email: 「I didn』t mean to offend you, I was trying to help.」 And then maybe you add some dismay at the aggressiveness of his response.

But that doesn』t make things better. He quotes the language of your first email back to you. 「Don』t you see how it reads?」 He asks. 「BUT THAT』S NOT WHAT I MEANT!」 You write back, IN CAPS.

So how do you get out of this downward spiral?

It』s stunningly simple, actually. When you』ve done something that upsets someone — no matter who』s right — always start the conversation by acknowledging how your actions impacted the other person. Save the discussion about your intentions for later. Much later. Maybe never. Because, in the end, your intentions don』t matter much.

What if you don』t think the other person is right — or justified — in feeling the way they do? It doesn』t matter. Because you』re not striving for agreement. You』re going for understanding.

What should I have said to Eleanor?

「I see you』re angry. You』ve been sitting here for 30 minutes and that』s got to be frustrating. And it』s not the first time. Also, I can see how it seems like I think being with a client gives me permission to be late. I』m sorry you had to sit here waiting for so long.」

All of that is true. Your job is to acknowledge their reality — which is critical to maintaining the relationship. As Ken described it to me: 「If someone』s reality, as they see it, is negated, what motivation do they have to stay in the relationship?」

In the email back and forth I described earlier, instead of clarifying what you meant, consider writing something like: 「I could see how my criticizing your performance — especially via email — feels obnoxious to you. How it sounds critical and maybe dismissive of your efforts in the meeting.」

I said this was simple but I didn』t say it was easy.

The hardest part is our emotional resistance. We』re so focused on our own challenges that it』s often hard to acknowledge the challenges of others. Especially if we are their challenge and they are ours. Especially when they lash out at us in anger. Especially when we feel misunderstood. In that moment, when we empathize with them and their criticism of our behavior, it almost feels like we』re betraying ourselves.

But we』re not. We』re just empathizing.

Here』s a trick to make it easier. While they』re getting angry at you, imagine, instead, that they』re angry at someone else. Then react as you would in that situation. Probably you』d listen and let them know you see how angry they are.

And if you never get to explain your intentions? What I have found in practice — and this surprised me — is that once I』ve expressed my understanding of the consequences, my need to justify my intentions dissipates.

That』s because the reason I』m explaining my intentions in the first place is to repair the relationship. But I』ve already accomplished that by empathizing with their experience. At that point, we』re both usually ready to move on.

And if you do still feel the need? You』ll still have the opportunity, once the other person feels seen, heard, and understood.

If we succeed in doing all this well, we』ll often find that, along with our relationships, something else gets better: our behavior.

After that last conversation with Eleanor — after really understanding the consequences of my lateness on her — somehow, someway, I』ve managed to be on time a lot more frequently.

我覺得按照Dr.Ken說的話去做，無論對於男方生氣還是女方生氣都會有所幫助；但是最重要的還是要learn to be punctual！

其實如果能碰到像我這樣大度的人（逃）就不會有這種問題，頂多道歉就完事～

就在剛剛我跟我男朋友討論這個問題

我也是一個拖延症患者。

他也總是在等我，後來有一次讓他等了1個半小時，他就朝我聲音大了點，我只能安慰他呀，後來哄他哄了十分鐘吧，我就開始委屈了。

之後嘛，他看我委屈就又開始反過來哄我。然後，然後就沒事啦。

今天我問他有什麼感想，他說他習慣了。

自己選的女朋友自己受著。

我覺得就全方位360°無死角的哄他，跟他說明原因，再抱抱他親親他，撒撒嬌就好啦。

解釋自己遲到那麼久的原因，然後保證以後不會這樣了，你已經深刻的意識到了自己的錯誤，最後，一個么么噠結尾。