國外也有段子手：穆里尼奧保衛戰！

小夥伴們大家好，歡迎來到每周的「國外也有段子手」！上周的歐洲賽場精彩看點層出不窮：切爾西與利物浦握手言和，曼聯輸給西漢姆聯，而阿森納和曼城則順利取勝。西甲賽場，巴薩戰平畢包，連續三輪不勝；而皇馬則與馬競互交白卷，再次錯失登頂良機。好了，話不多說，讓我們快來看看歪果仁們的精彩吐槽吧！

戰績不佳，曼聯1-3西漢姆聯

JihadDerp(英格蘭球迷)：曼憐。(Moan United.)

Eff_Jay(紐卡斯爾球迷)：穆離尼奧。(Mourinhout.)

ParisHL(西漢姆聯球迷)：我們不是剛在英聯杯踢了麥克斯菲爾德嗎，現在這是在踢第二輪？(Didnt we play Macclesfield the other day, or is this the second leg?)

ABloodEagle(曼聯球迷)：我覺得穆帥得來一個三年包退換的售後服務才行…(Mourinho should come with a three year return warranty.)

break2n(英格蘭球迷)：曼聯還是有幾個好消息的！一是這賽季利物浦和曼城至少有一支是拿不到聯賽冠軍的；二是曼聯已經遠離降級區8分之多，三是費萊尼表現很好，已經是曼聯最有威脅的進攻點了！(Positives for United: At least 1 of Liverpool and City cannot win the league at a time. 8 Points clear of relegation. Fellaini looking like one of the most dangerous attacking options.)

SexyMooli(巴基斯坦球迷)：還有個好消息，就是這周不用支付桑切斯那8.5萬鎊的贏球獎金，簡直賺翻了！(Another positive. Dont have to pay Alexis an additional ￡85,000 bonus this week. Quite a bargain.)

焦點之戰，切爾西1-1利物浦

bluenokia2(切爾西球迷)：啊~阿扎爾，這速度，這進球，這屁股，我真是欲罷不能了…(Omg Hazard, that speed, that goal, that arse, can』t hold myself now…)

AmnesiaFX(利物浦球迷)：作為比利時的利物浦球迷，天知道我是有多糾結…(As a Belgian Liverpool fan I dont know how I feel about this...)

HankMoodyMaddafakaaa(曼聯球迷)：看得我腦子都不好使了，這難道就是神仙打架么…(My mind is blown. What am i watching? Aliens fighting?)

Smrifire(切爾西球迷)：不要讓這場比賽讓你忘了曼聯1-3輸給了西漢姆聯啊！(Dont let this match distract you from the fact that United lost 3-1 to West ham.)

Codespyder(曼城球迷)：踢得真好看，你們倆能不能每周都踢比賽啊？(You two can play each other every week as far as Im concerned. What an excellent games.)

Red_Baron22(利物浦球迷)：每次阿扎爾拿球的時候，嚇得我菊花都要緊100倍…(My butt is clenching intensifies 100x every time Hazard gets the ball.)

聯賽三輪不勝，巴薩1-1畢爾巴鄂競技

Arsenictue(皇馬球迷)：在皇馬的比賽沒踢完之前，我還是別在巴薩評論區說話了…(I prefer not to speak here till our match is done too.)

Harkoncito(皇馬球迷)：你們怎麼能把冠軍的壓力推給我們呢？那我們肯定也是平局啊！(How dare you put this kind of pressure on us, we are also a draw absolutely!)

jon_stewrt(未知主隊球迷)：梅西是巴薩唯一能找到幸運女神的人，然後再把女神翻個身，打她的屁屁...(Messi is the only player who could find lady luck, turn her around and give her a spanking.)

cvaldo99(巴薩球迷)：要是哪天梅西不在了，真不知道會發生什麼…(One day Messi won』t be here. Idk what will happen then.)

cha54mi(未知主隊球迷)：如果拉基蒂奇是為畢包踢球的話，那肯定就是場上最佳！你看他所有的球都傳給畢包球員了！(If rakitic was playing with a bilbao shirt he would be their motm . Literally his passes all were to athletic players.)

yarikhh(未知主隊球迷)：胡說什麼呢？明明皮克才是畢包的最佳球員！(You fool, it must be Pique to win MOTM for bilbao)

互交白卷，皇馬0-0馬競

Xthecreator(皇馬球迷)：別泄氣啊，我們假裝皇馬和巴薩都贏了不就得了！(Never mind, let』s just pretend we and Barcelona both won the match.)

Hamozus(皇馬球迷)：今天下午我對巴薩的戰術進行了細緻的分析，現在我已經想到新點子了，咱也得在下半場讓梅西出場才行！(I have carefully analyzed Barcas game this afternoon looking for fresh tactical ideas and I think that we need to sub in Messi at halftime.)

Mpkotabelud(皇馬球迷)：也就是說，上次我們在聯賽主場擊敗馬競的時候，教練還是穆里尼奧？(So, the last time that Real beat Atletico at home in La Liga was in Jose Mourinho period?)

Raphael1987(皇馬球迷)：我開始懷念C羅的自由球了，起碼不像現在這樣誰都想去XJBT一腳…(I miss Ronaldo free kicks. At least there was no bullshit like this where everyone takes a try)

阿圭羅斯特林進球，曼城2-0布萊頓

Ironman122(布萊頓球迷)：輸給曼城…那能叫輸么？又不是每輪都能踢曼聯！(It』s okay to lose to city as we can』t play against united every week.)

Do_not_tempt_me(阿森納球迷)：感覺斯特林就會進兩種球，一種是接橫傳推射空門，一種就是直接進世界波…(I feel like sterling scores two types of goals. These tap in that are slid across from the other side. The second type are bangers.)

njf88(曼城球迷)：哪天斯特林能進單刀了，我就把他的名字紋在丁丁上！(I will have his name tattooed on my dick when he can score a 1v1.)

圖：約旦難民營中的一處足球場

厄齊爾進球，阿森納2-0沃特福德

JJFresh814(阿森納球迷)：我廠這贏球次數多了，段子還真就不好編了…(We are short of memes if we win too many times…)

Nachoiscool(阿森納球迷)：今年我們能贏得爭四聯賽的冠軍了吧！(We』re winning the 4th place trophy this year.)

Nyhrox(曼聯球迷)：阿森納是不是不知道比賽前80分鐘也是允許進球的？(Does Arsenal know they dont have to wait 80 mins to score goals?)

好了，親愛的小夥伴們，本期的「國外也有段子手」就為大家播報到這了，讓我們拭目以待，來看下期歪果仁們更精彩的犀利吐槽吧！