【托福寫作批改】（52）28分托福獨立寫作

來自專欄美國學術寫作1 人贊了文章教書匠阿倫：TOEFL寫作/SAT寫作批改服務說明?

zhuanlan.zhihu.com

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement.

Competition between friends usually negatively impacts friendships.

In this competitive society, maintaining a good friendship has become a popular issue in our lives. Some people believe friend relationships would be negatively influenced by competition. However, I think that competition between friends would reinforce friendships because academic competition between friends can let them learn from each other, competitive working relationships can make friends cherish their time together, and the competition during everyday life can make us reflective.

First, competitive relationships between students can improve their（strengthen emotional） bonds because they can learn from each other. It is because if friends know each other well and start to learn from each other, they would solve problems together. As a result, they would become closer. As a student, I have had competition between me and my friends because of（in） our academic performances and scores. At first, my friend felt jealous about me because I always got better score than her. We had conflicts and didnt say anything to each other during our arguments. But after a few days she apologized to me and told me her will to study together（showed her wish to study with me together）. I learned to become braver and outgoing and my friend learned to get more careful. Thanks to the competition at school, , our friendship did not end up with only good words and useless languages but has (also with) meaningful connections.

Second, competition in working field would boost friendship off working. Because of the competition, friends want to be better than each other during work time and they improve their efficiency while working. Therefore, friends can have more time to spend after work with friends together which helps to maintain good friendship. For example, the bond between workers in small companies is often very strong. Since their working space is relatively small, most of them become friends after working together in the smaller space. But what contribute to their strong relationship beyond ordinary friendship is their daily competition during work. Firends (Friends) compete during working hours and thus focuses only on how to improve their works and how to make themselves more efficient than their friends. As a result, they often did works on time and save for more time to play together after work. It is the competition that makes them maintain great and effective friendships.

Lastly, the competition of friends on their everyday life improve their living standard and relationship by making them reflective. People seldom thought about their mistakes and bad habits without a reminder from friends, and because of the competition, these reminder (reminders) come more often. My sister plays ping-pang in Korea National team had this experience (刪除). Because she makes friends with her competitors all over the world, she often feels easilier on her everyday life（內容跟本段不符，建議刪除）. Her friends always give her advise（advice） on not only the ping-pang competition but also on some details through lives. For example, one time my sister had a bad fever and was about to miss a race in the following week. Her friends, as well as her competitors bought her fruits and medicine and cared for her for a long time because they want to have a fair and unforgetable（unforgettable） competition with her.

To conclude, because academic competition between friends can let them learn from each other, competitive working conditios can make friends maintain relationships more often, and the competition during everyday life can make live easier, I believe competition can positively impact friendships.

很多體制內高中的同學會跟我訴苦，說自己一直受體制內英語荼毒太久，語言表達不夠地道。其實大家大可不必過度擔心這點，寫這篇文章的同學一直也在體制內讀書，語言上也並沒有像國際高中學生隨口而出的地道表達，但是整篇文章用簡單的表達講複雜的意思表達得很清楚，語言也很簡潔，沒有拖地帶水，小錯誤幾乎沒有，一樣可以取得高分。