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Some people think reading stories in books is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

學生作文

Indeed, there is a variety of drawbacks in watching TV and playing computer games both mentally and physically. On the one hand, children are quite vulnerable to the fast –moving and fascinating images, and the consequence is that children become addicted to them and stare at the screen without thinking for a long time, which may occupy a large proportion of children』s time to study. Whereas in contrast, there are all kinds of complex words and sentences in books, which can encourage children to think about and seek for solutions. During this process, children can improve their abilities to analyze and solve problems. In addition, long-time sitting in front of the screen poses a threat to children』s eyesight and fitness.

逐句分析：

01 Indeed, there is a variety of drawbacks in watching TV and playing computer games both mentally and physically.

分析：這個題目是讀書跟看電視和玩遊戲比較，主題句需要突出比較

修改：When comparing with reading books, there is a variety of drawbacks in watching TV and playing computer games both mentally and physically.

02 On the one hand, children are quite vulnerable to the fast –moving and fascinating images, and the consequence is that children become addicted to them and stare at the screen without thinking for a long time, which may occupy a large proportion of children』s time to study.

分析：語法功底不錯，能把句子寫這麼長，但是我就不明白fast –moving and fascinating images跟上癮有什麼關係。

修改：From the psychological perspective, some TV programs and computer games are specifically designed for children, result in children becoming addicted to them, so playing or watching them may sacrifice children』s time for study.

03 Whereas in contrast, there are all kinds of complex words and sentences in books, which can encourage children to think about and seek for solutions. During this process, children can improve their abilities to analyze and solve problems.

分析：這個題目應該說的是故事書，不是所有的故事都是偵探小說，可能這些書就是給幾歲的孩子看的，沒有那麼複雜。同時有複雜的辭彙和句子是能幫助孩子增加語言能力，不是邏輯思維能力。

修改：By contrast, there are all kinds of vocabulary and sentences in books, which can encourage children to acquire language skills at an early age.

04 In addition, long-time sitting in front of the screen poses a threat to children』s eyesight and fitness.

分析：這裡生理的問題部分說的太短，而且，我看書的時候都是躺在床上看，對眼睛和fitness都不好。不過還可以改一下

修改： At the mental level, long-time sitting in front of the screen poses a threat to children』s eyesight, whereas reading books is much less damaging to children』s eyes.

改後作文：

When comparing with reading books, there is a variety of drawbacks to watching TV and playing computer games both mentally and physically. From the psychological perspective, some TV programs and computer games are specifically designed for children, resulting in children becoming addicted to them, so playing or watching them may sacrifice children』s time for study. By contrast, there are all kinds of vocabulary and sentences in books, which can encourage children to acquire language skills at an early age. At the mental level, long-time sitting in front of the screen poses a threat to children』s eyesight, whereas reading books is much less damaging to children』s eyes.