慢慢來讀書筆記：非暴力溝通第二章（英文版）

註：斜體字是我自己的想法，如果不想看可以略過只讀正體字。

書名：Nonviolent Communication

作者：Marshall B. Rosenberg, phD

Chapter 2: Communication That Blocks Compassion

「Do not judge, and you will not be judged. For as you judge others, so you will yourself be judged..」 — Holy Bible, Matthew 7:1

Different ways of communicating violently toward each other and ourselves：

1. Moralistic Judgements

• imply wrongness or badness on the part of people who don』t act in harmony with our values.
• Blame, insults, put-downs, labels, criticism, comparisons, and diagnoses are all forms of judgement.
• There is no right or wrong. It』s just that other people』s action may not be in harmony with our values.
• Our attention is focused on classifying, analyzing, and determining levels of wrongness rather than on what we and others need and are not getting.
• Analyses of others are actually expressions of our own needs and values.
• When we judge other people, we should really stop and ask ourselves: what inside of us is triggering such judgement. So many times, when I judged other people, later on I realized that it is myself that I am judging. It is so scary how easily to judge others.
• value judgments vs. moralistic judgments
• Value judgements reflect our beliefs of how life can best be served.
• We make moralistic judgements of people and behaviours that fail to support our value judgements.
• Classifying and judging people promotes violence.

2. Making Comparisons

• Comparisons are a form of judgment.
• So many times we compared ourselves against other people, but little did we know it was a judgement to both ourselves and other people.

3. Denial of Responsibility

• We are each responsible for our own thoughts, feelings, and actions.
• Often times, when we are mad, we blame other people for making us mad. For example, stuff like 「why didn』t you clean up your room」. But, it』s really us that is the reason behind it. If we can all realize this, there will be so much less fight between all the relationships.
• Phrases such as 「 Have to」 and 「makes one feel」 are the examples of languages that facilitate denial of personal responsibility.
• we deny responsibility for our own actions when we attribute their cause to factors outside ourselves.
• We can replace language that implies lack of choice with language that acknowledges choice
• We are dangerous when we are not conscious of our responsibility for how we behave, think, and feel.

4. Communicating our desires as demands is yet another form of language that blocks compassion.

• What is a demand:
• A demand explicitly or implicitly threatens listeners with blame or punishment if they fail to comply.
• We can never make people do anything

5. Thinking based on 「who deserves what」 blocks compassionate communication.

• Life-alienating communication has deep philosophical and political roots.
• The more people are trained to think in terms of moralistic judgements that imply wrongness and badness, the more they are being trained to look outside themselves.
• When we are in contact with our feelings and needs, we humans no longer make good slaves and underlings.

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