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本題原題在劍橋雅思12 第50頁上

學生作文

The maps illustrate how the Islip town centre will develop in the future.

Looking the first map on the upside, heaps of blocks for housing are established in the middle between school and park. Not far from here, you can see the only main road that goes straight across the east and west of this field. The shops along the one side of main road are close to the country side, while the shops on the other side are extremely near the residential communities.

Moving to the second map, the housing area will expand towards to the eastern in this centre, with the park will become smaller than it used to be. The shopping centre will be upgraded by offering enough parking space and convenient vehicle –the newly bus station. the most part of the centre will be surrounded by a dual carriageway in circle, adding a road for pedestrians only near the previous site of the main road.

These suggest that the newly constructed Islip town centre will become more popular and modernized .

逐句分析：

01 The maps illustrate how the Islip town centre will develop in the future.

修改：The maps illustrate the proposed development plan for the Islip town centre.

02 Looking the first map on the upside, heaps of blocks for housing are established in the middle between school and park.

分析：Look at，不是look

修改：Looking at the first map, the housing area is currently located between two roads, leading to the school and the park respectively.

03 Not far from here, you can see the only main road that goes straight across the east and west of this field.

修改：The main road to east and west goes through the area, with many shops building on two sides of the roads.

04 The shops along the one side of main road are close to the country side, while the shops on the other side are extremely near the residential communities.

分析：你要說明是在哪個方向上的房子

修改：The shops along the North side of the main road are next to the countryside, while the shops on the opposite side are in the north of the residential area.

05 Moving to the second map, the housing area will expand towards to the eastern in this centre, with the park will become smaller than it used to be. The shopping centre will be upgraded by offering enough parking space and convenient vehicle –the newly bus station.

分析： with 後面應該加doing

修改：Moving to the future development plan, the countryside has been replaced by a few facilities, such as bus station, shopping center and car park, as well as a new housing area which is located in east.

06 the most part of the center will be surrounded by a dual carriageway in circle, adding a road for pedestrians only near the previous site of the main road.

修改：A dual carriageway will be built, dividing the housing area into two parts and leading the school to the park which will be smaller to build more roads, and a new residential area will be built in the east of the cycle. All roads in the town center will be improved, by widening them to accommodate more cars.

改後作文：

The maps illustrate the proposed development plan for the Islip town centre.

Looking at the first map, the housing area is currently located between two roads, leading to the school and the park respectively. The main road to east and west goes through the area, with many shops building on two sides of the roads. The shops along the North side of the main road are next to the countryside, while the shops on the opposite side are in the north of the residential area.

Moving to the future development plan, the countryside has been replaced by a few facilities, such as bus station, shopping center and car park, as well as a new housing area which is located in the east. A dual carriageway will be built, dividing the housing area into two parts and leading the school to the park which will be smaller to build more roads, and a new residential area will be built in the east of the cycle. All roads in the town center will be improved, by widening them to accommodate more cars.