Peter改雅思作文 senior不一定是老人的意思

來自專欄 Peter講雅思寫作

更多的私房乾貨關注微信公眾號：教雅思的Peter

如果有同學想讓我修改一下你的文章，可以在微信公眾號里找到我的聯繫方式

然後把這篇文章轉發朋友圈，並截圖發給我，我就會儘快修改

我現居加拿大，多倫多，時差12小時，有些私信微信不能及時回復，萬望見諒

題目

It is a good thing for those in the senior management position to have higher salaries than other workers in the same company or organization. To what extent do you agree or disagree？

題目分析：

Senior management position的意思是高級管理者。比如說某些公司的高管可能就不到三十歲，絕對不是說一定是五六十歲的樣子。同時這個題目出現比較，就是說要比較高管和普通員工

學生原文：

There are several reasons why the elder workers』 payments in management position should be paid more than other workers. Firstly, these elder people have a great deal of social resources, which can help them to increase their abilities of managing the company. Secondly, a great deal of decisions needed to be made by the senior workers. Because it cost them more energies and times in their common life. Without managing the company, they will spend more time with their families, such as cooking meals for wife, playing games with their children and so on. Finally, the management positions play a central role in a company, it decide the development of the company.

逐句分析：

01 There are several reasons why the elder workers』 payments in management position should be paid more than other workers.

分析：請參考題目分析

修改：There are several reasons why the senior workers』 payments in management position more than other workers should be.

02 Firstly, these elder people have a great deal of social resources, which can help them to increase their abilities of managing the company.

分析，前面出現的重要失誤就不提了，一般說ability 不會用of doing， 一般是用to do

修改：Firstly, these working people have a lot of social resources which their colleges are difficult to have, which can help them to gain abilities to manage the company.

03 Secondly, a great deal of decisions needed to be made by the senior workers. Because it cost them more energies and times in their common life. Without managing the company, they will spend more time with their families, such as cooking meals for wife, playing games with their children and so on.

分析：這個邏輯鏈跑題。因為沒有提到他們應該賺更多的錢。同時注意不要搞性別歧視，不要出現wife，用partner，這個詞可以做伴侶講

修改：Secondly, a lot of decisions needed to be made by the senior workers, while they should spend the energy and time on their leisure activities. If they do not need work overtime, they would spend more time with their families, such as cooking meals for their partners, playing games with their children and so on. Therefore, their hardworking can justify their salary. By contrast, common workers can do the activities they are interested in after work.

04 Finally, the management positions play a central role in a company, it decide the development of the company.

分析：這裡也要強調這些東西跟他們拿到高工資之間的關係

修改：Finally, the management positions play a central role in a company, and they can design the strategy of the company, which means that the senior managers should command a higher salary than common workers, who do not need to take these responsibilities.

修改後的文章

There are several reasons why the senior workers』 payments in management position more than other workers should be. Firstly, these working people have a lot of social resources which their colleges are difficult to have, which can help them to gain abilities to manage the company. Secondly, a lot of decisions needed to be made by the senior workers, while they should spend the energy and time on their leisure activities. If they do not need work overtime, they would spend more time with their families, such as cooking meals for their partners, playing games with their children and so on. Therefore, their hardworking can justify their salary. By contrast, common workers can do the activities they are interested in after work. Finally, the management positions play a central role in a company, and they can design the strategy of the company, which means that the senior managers should command a higher salary than common workers, who do not need to take these responsibilities.