托福寫作滿分對於考生意味著什麼?

托福寫作滿分對於考生意味著什麼?

來自專欄美國學術寫作4 人贊了文章

托福寫作滿分對於考生意味著什麼?

有些時候,人生就是愛跟我們開玩笑,比如CoCo9月初的這次托福考試,原本想在ED前拿出一份100+的托福分數鎖定早申請,結果因為一個18分的寫作成績總分連90都沒上,Coco和媽媽看著眼前的成績單,連難過的心情都不敢有了,趕忙找黃牛搶了10月的考位,繼續刷分。

一個月不到的時間從86衝到100+,對於大多數同學來講有點不可意思,但是看了Coco的成績單後,我覺得可以一拼,只要把Coco的寫作分數提上來,其他分數稍有漲幅就有希望總分破百。

正式上課前我排Coco進行了限時的寫作模考,通過分析模考文章發現了Coco三個致命的問題。

(1)綜合寫作聽力只拋觀點,不記細節

(2)獨立寫作主體段論證邏輯不清晰

(3)語言修飾成分過多,不夠流暢

第一個問題較好解決,我手把手帶著Coco完成了兩篇不同類型的綜合寫作練習,在過程中我還發現並糾正了Coco不喜歡做聽力筆記的壞習慣,並為Coco設計了專屬於自己的綜合寫作「模版」。通過課下3篇綜合寫作練習的鞏固,Coco的綜合寫作幾乎可以不出問題,單單這一方面調整後,Coco寫作總分就能鎖定22+,剩餘的8分的提升空間就要靠獨立寫作了。

第二個問題不僅僅是寫作能力的問題,更是思維的問題。先給大家展示Coco模考文章的一個分論點段的前5句話,大家一起給她號號脈。

Secondly, history has witness the rising of entertainment industry because of people』s rising standard of living. In other words, there are just more entertainers than the time when older people were in their 20s. Also, instead of worrying about food and clothes, young people today can spend more time watching movies or sport games. Thus, they are more likely to like a movie star or an athletes. Naturally, what perspective this movie star or athletes takes on an issue is important to those young people.

大家讀完這五句話應該對她的病症有了初步的了解,Coco寫作太過於含蓄了,主體段說了五句話才真正把分論點句講出來,前面四句話都在鋪墊。上課指出她的問題之後,Coco一開始很不服氣,對自己的問題美其名曰為「高級」邏輯論證,只是她喜歡在最後推出結論。為了讓Coco心服口服,我先引導她完成第一個任務,用一句話概括她的五句話,Coco寫出了下面的這句話:

With better living condition, young people are more frequently exposed to celebrities through media.

接下來我讓Coco動腦為她這句話寫一句解釋句,Coco想了很久,最後寫出來這個句子:

Young people, especially teenagers often regard these entertainers as role model and try to imitate them.

我讓Coco自己比較一下,之前的5句話和現在的2句話,究竟哪個更加「高級」?Coco雖然嘴上不說,但是接受了我的觀點,並跟著我進行了更多邏輯拓展寫作訓練。

第三個問題是非英語為母語的同學都會遇到的問題,特別是分數卡在25~27分的同學必須要邁過的坎,就是語言的質量問題。語言質量高不代表一定要使用很多「高級句型」或者「高級辭彙」,而是要讓你的語言讀起來舒服,文體要符合英語書面語的基本特徵。語言質量的提高不是一朝一夕就能解決的事兒,但是我從Coco的文章里看出她具有比較強的語言駕馭潛力,但是造句時修飾成分過多,特別是句首,幾乎都會強迫性地給句子加一頂小帽子,大家可以再回頭看一下她寫作練習的五句話,第三句的also和第五句的natually都是非必要的銜接。

寫作5分靠聽課,5分靠課下練習和修改。Coco在課下完成了5篇獨立寫作練習,每篇都經過我的批改和她的重寫過程,在考前她已經能夠在5分鐘內寫出下文的主體段:

Firstly, on no account should we lose the sight of the fact that young people nowadays are more financially independent than in the past. With more disposable income, individuals have more extra money to share with others. Take my 22-year-old brother, Jack who graduated from Stanford University as a business major, as an example. When he was 10 years old, no one would image a boy like him would help anyone. However, after being recruited to the marketing department of Apple with a salary around 2000 dollars a month in 2016, he joined in a charity club in Silicon Valley called 「Walk for Green」 which is a program that encourages local citizens to donate money to walk around Silicon Valley and the money would be sent to kids in Africa. According to my brother』s case, I found how financial independence can lead to the fact that young people nowadays more willing to help others than those in the past.

語言質量和寫作速度的提升讓Coco在考前有了充足的自信心,配合著其他三科少量的課程和針對性的刷題,Coco在10月的托福考試當中,考出了寫作滿分,讓他在其他三科漲幅較小的情況下托福總分成功破百。

托福考試是學生綜合英語能力的比拼,我們不能放棄任何一科的學習,但是這並不妨礙一科的突破能夠扭轉全局。


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