這麼多語法錯誤怎麼改

來自專欄 Peter講雅思寫作

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Nowadays consumers are faced with the advertisements from competitive companies. To what extent do you agree that consumers are influenced by advertisements? What measures should be taken to protect them?

學生的作文：

While, firstly, I think that the government should give a clear legal rule to say that no exaggerate or falsely advertise and can check each one directly, this would protect consumers right. In addition, the government should promote rational consumption, let the consumer』s spending worthwhile. Finally, the competing companies should pay attention to increase their product』s quality instead of varies promotion.

修改

1 While, firstly, I think that the government should give a clear legal rule to say that no exaggerate or falsely advertise and can check each one directly, this would protect consumers right.

修改之後的句子

Firstly, the government can impose laws on advisements to deter them from providing exaggerating and incorrect information, which would protect potential consumers rights.

2 In addition, the government should promote rational consumption, let the consumer』s spending worthwhile.

修改後的句子

In addition, the government should encourage people to purchase items with rational thinking, which means that they can purchase the products they really need without effects from advertisement.

3 Finally, the competing companies should pay attention to increase their product』s quality instead of varies promotion.

修改後的句子

The manufactures should pay attention to improvement in their products』 quality instead of all kinds of advertising campaign.

結構分析：

這裡就這三個分論點的句子，沒有主題句。主題句可以放在最後一句或者第一句，國內的老師講的一般是第一句，這次我放在最後一句，請看修改後的完整段落。

完整的段落

Firstly, the government can impose laws on advisements to deter them from providing exaggerating and incorrect information, which would protect potential consumers rights. In addition, the government should encourage people to purchase items with rational thinking, which means that they can purchase the products they really need without effects from advertisement. The manufactures should pay attention to improvement in their products』 quality instead of all kinds of advertising campaign. All these methods can help potential consumers avoid risks when they purchase the products after watching or viewing advertisements.