【每日生活】實用社交課堂：11種方式做一個主動傾聽的人（雙語）

(2013-04-28 15:33:39)

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Listening is arguably the most important element of interpersonal communication. Our ability to listen well impacts the quality of all of our relationships, and not just at home with our family and friends—it can also affect our relationships and interactions on the job, as well as the effectiveness and quality of our work.

傾聽可以說是人際交往中最重要的因素。我們傾聽的能力影響了我們人際關係的好壞，不只是和我們的家人朋友的關係——它也會影響我們在工作中的關係和相互作用，而且也會影響到我們工作的效率和質量。

Listening is not something that comes naturally or easily for most of us, however; it is a skill that must be cultivated and practiced. Active listening means, as its name suggests, means that we make a conscious and concerted effort to fully engage with the speaker. Active listening is the difference between simply hearing, and listening with the intent to truly understand. It is a subtle but important distinction.

對於我們大部分人來說，傾聽並不是自然和簡單的事，然而它是一個我們必須加以訓練的技能。主動傾聽，顧名思義，表示我們與講話的人做出了有意識的和協調一致的努力。積極傾聽不同於簡單的聽見，而且有目的的傾聽才能去理解。這是一種微妙但是重要的區別。

A Few Active Listening Guidelines

幾條主動傾聽的指南：

1. Give focused attention

集中注意力

Try to minimize external distractions. Turn down the noise, and put down or step away from what you』re doing if possible. Also, set aside other internal thinking and dialogue. Don』t watch the clock, fidget or go over your to-do list for later.

盡量減少外部干擾。將雜訊降低，如果可能的話請停止你正在做的事情。同時，拋開其他的思維活動和內心對話。不要看錶、坐立不安或者翻看你的待辦事項。

2. Maintain eye contact

保持眼神接觸

Direct eye contact shows your attention and intention to listen. This doesn』t mean stare though. Intense eye contact can be intimidating to some—especially the shy or introverted. Be reasonable, but try not to let your eyes wander to whatever is going on around you.

直接的目光接觸表現了你傾聽的注意力和意圖，但這不表示要盯著看。激烈的眼神接觸可能嚇到一些人——特別是害羞或性格內向的人。要有合理的眼神接觸，但是不要讓眼神遊離於周圍發生的事情上。

3. Smile

微笑

Facial expressions convey a lot, and a smile is open, inviting, and encouraging.

面部表情傳達了很多信息，微笑是坦率、有魅力、鼓舞的表達。

4. Watch body language

注意身體語言

Be conscious of your body language. Keep an open posture, a non-aggressivestance, face the speaker(s), lean in rather than away, watch your hands, how you tilt your head and your expressions. (For instance, I tend to cross my arms in front of me because it feels comfortable and wrinkle my brow because I』m concentrating, but this body language can appear defensive or critical, so I need to make an effort to soften a bit.) Pay attention to the speaker』s body language as well. It works both ways.

要對你的身體語言多加註意。做出坦率的姿勢，不要有攻擊性，面對著談話者，靠向他而不是遠離他，不要夾著手，注意頭部傾斜的角度和表情。（比如，我因為舒適而傾向於雙手環抱在胸前，因為專註而略微皺眉頭，但是這種身體語言表示防衛和批判，因此我需要努力變得溫和一些。）同時，注意講話者的身體語言。這種語言是雙向的。

5. Offer encouragement

給予鼓勵

Nod occasionally, and offer a judiciously placed 『Yes,』 「OK」. 『I understand」, or「Good」. Just be careful not to overdo it or you risk coming across as irritating or rushing. If used sparingly and authentically, encouragement is affirming.

偶爾點頭，並且在合適的時機說「是的」、「好的」、「我理解」和「不錯」等話。但是請注意，這些詞語不能過量使用，否則你會給人惱怒和衝動的印象。如果我們偶爾正確地使用它們，那就肯定可以給予他人鼓勵。

6. Allow silence

允許沉默

Silence in a conversation can be scary, but a pause allows the speaker to gather their thoughts and for you to digest what is being said.

在一場談話中，沉默看起來很嚇人，但是暫停可以讓講話者整理他的想法，並且讓你消化已經說過的話。

7. Don』t interrupt!

不要打斷！

It』s disrespectful and distracting.

這很無理，而且會讓講話者分心。

8. Reflect back

反饋

Restate, but don』t repeat verbatim. Paraphrase what you think the other party is saying with responses such as: 「What I』m hearing is…」 or 「Let me see if I』m following you…」 Reflecting back what you』ve heard signals that you』re attempting to understand fully.

重申，而不是逐字重複。用你的方式講出對方的話，比如：「我聽到的是……」 或者「我讓想想，我理解你的意思應該是……」反映你聽到的信息表明了你的充分了解。

9. Clarify

澄清

Ask relevant questions to make sure you understand. Make them open-ended questions, if possible. A 「yes」 or 「no」 may confirm, but an explanation offers more information. Probe for feelings.Sometimes the emotions behind the words are more important than the words themselves when someone is seeking to be understood.

為了確保理解，提問相關的問題。如果可以的話，問題需要是開放式的。一個「是」或者「不」可以確認，但是解釋會提供更多的信息。尋求意見。有時，如果有人想要被理解，言語後的情感比言語本身更重要。

10. Keep an open-mind

保持開放的心態

Defer judgments, whether agreement or disagreement and don』t make assumptions. Wait until the speaker is finished before formulating opinions. It』s so hard not to think about what you』re going to say next, especially if there』s disagreement, but you miss what is being said if you』re thinking about your own response.

不要急於判斷是否同意，也不要提出假設。在發言者表達觀點前，稍作等待。不去想你將要說什麼很困難，特別是當你有不同意見時，但是如果你在想自己的回復時，你會錯過正在說的東西。

11. Respond appropriately

做出適當的回應

Be open and honest in your responses. Share your thoughts, in sights and feelings in a clear, but respectful and considerate manner. You can acknowledge the speaker』s concerns and thoughts even if you disagree…especially when you disagree.

做出坦率和真誠的回復。明顯和清晰地分享你的想法，但是要有禮貌和適當的表達。即使你不同意，你也可以表示接收到了講話者的觀點……特別是當你不同意時。

Active listening is a model for good communication. Remember that listening is not just to gather informationand share ideas, but also to gain perspective and understanding. It takes practice to develop active listening skills, and it』s a habit that has to be reinforced. Remind yourself that the goal of conversation is not merely to trade words, but to truly understand what the other party is saying and to be understood in turn.

主動傾聽是良好的溝通方式。請記住，傾聽不只是單純的收集信息和分享想法，而且也是獲得觀點和理解的方式。傾聽需要通過練習來提升主動傾聽的技巧，而且這是一個必須加強的習慣。提醒自己，談話的目的不只是言語交換，而是真正理解對方的意思，並且也要被對方理解。