社會大課堂：社交達人的7個秘密

Have you ever witnessed somebody who is so confident and fluent in conversations that it』s actually really impressive? How do they do it? 你是否遇過自信滿滿、談笑風生的社交達人，給人印象尤為深刻？他們是怎麼做到的呢？

We all know people who are beloved by everyone and seem able to make friends wherever they go. Some regard them with admiration tinged with a bit of envy, then shrug their shoulders and figure those people are just born with that special 「something」. It might be surprising to learn that being popular is a skill that can be learned like any other.我們都遇到過人見人愛的傢伙，他們到哪兒似乎都能交上朋友。有人對他們既羨慕又嫉妒，最後聳聳肩覺得他們或許天生就有「萬人迷」的本領。其實，「人見人愛」也是一種可以學習的技能哦！

Just as you wouldn』t expect to wake up one morning knowing how to play the piano, the key to success in making friends is setting goals and developing a game plan. Use these seven tips as the framework on which you build your skill set.就像你不可能一覺醒來就變成鋼琴高手一樣，交朋友也需要設定目標、循序漸進。請參考以下7個貼士，訓練自己成為社交達人吧！

1. Be interested, not interesting關注他人，而非以自我為中心

A widespread misconception is that popular people are the ones talking about their latest promotion or exciting vacation they took or wild party they attended. Hearing the occasional interesting story is fine, but most people become bored or resentful listening to these blow-by-blow accounts. It』s far more effective to take a genuine interest in the lives of others and get them talking about themselves. And remember that no word sounds as magical as one』s own name. Addressing people by name makes them feel special.常見的錯誤想法是：受歡迎的人總在談論自己最新升職、快樂假期或熱辣派對。偶爾聽聽有趣故事也還不錯，但若一直聽別人呱啦炫耀，多數人會感到厭煩抵觸。更有效的辦法是：真正對他人生活感興趣，多讓別人開口講話。而且請記住：世上最美好的詞就是自己的名字。所以，常稱呼他人姓名，讓他們覺得自己特別。

2. Be positive – but not too positive積極樂觀，但也別做過頭

Think about people you』ve known who expect the worst from everyone and everything and aren』t shy about speaking up. Not much fun to be around, are they? This doesn』t mean you have to be constantly spreading false rays of sunshine. That』s nearly as annoying as eternal pessimism. Have a clear-eyed and honest attitude and people will come to value your opinions as trustworthy.想想身邊那些口無遮攔的傢伙，總是掃人興攪渾局，真沒趣，是吧？你無須總是假裝給點陽光就燦爛，這種做法和無休止的悲觀一樣惹人厭煩。保持鎮定誠懇，別人自然會信賴你。

3. Be charitable to others善待他人

Gossiping about friends and co-workers may gain you an audience, but it』s superficial and temporary. Those who indulge their pettier instincts trashing others aren』t the ones you want in your circle. Eventually even those people will realize that you』re just as likely to be talking about them in the same way and they』ll steer clear. It also translates as weakness and insecurity, trying to build yourself up by tearing others down. Take the high road and you』ll be seen as fair-minded.背後議論朋友和同事雖能贏得同盟，但卻非常膚淺短暫。相信你也不喜歡和愛八卦的人做朋友。最後這些人甚至會發現，他們自己也會這樣被人八卦，只好灰溜溜避開。八卦其實是一種軟弱和不安的表現，八卦的人試圖通過詆毀他人來膨脹自己。正直做人，別人會認為你比較公正。

4. Be helpful and dependable幫助他人，值得信賴

If someone you know needs assistance that you』re able to provide with a minimum of inconvenience, offer it. The key term here is 「minimum of inconvenience」. Doing favors for others that involve more time and trouble than they would for the person themselves comes across as desperation. Giving aid when you』re truly in a position to do so communicates a sincere interest in the welfare of others. As a side note, be sure to follow up on any commitments you make. The damage to your reputation is doubly harsh if people can』t count on your word.如果身邊有人向你求助，而你又確實方便幫忙，那就幫吧。當然，前提是這沒有給你造成「一丁點不便」。同樣的困境，幫助他人要耗費更多時間和精力。若你真的方便幫忙，對他人而言，那就是誠摯的關懷。另外，幫完後別忘了關注後續進展。要是沒能幫成，那你的名譽可就岌岌可危了。

5. Be a 「matchmaker」做「媒人」

If you』re heading to the movies with a friend, invite another film-loving pal to come along. Love sports?Assemble a group to attend the big game. Spearhead gatherings at your home or a fun venue such as a wine bar, inviting at least a few people who are new to the group. Keeping your social network interconnected has a circular effect where you』re perceived as having many friends, thereby gaining you even more. Don』t forget your manners during impromptu meetings, either. When out with a friend, many people make the mistake of failing to introduce them to others they may encounter. By doing so you run the risk of coming off as socially inept at best and rude or uncaring at worst.跟朋友去看電影時，順便叫上其他愛看電影的朋友。喜歡運動？那就叫上一幫人組織一場比賽吧。主動請人來家裡小聚，或去酒吧找找樂子，每次在圈子裡介紹幾個新人。保持自己的社交圈活絡具有循環效應：別人會認為你有很多朋友，結果你也確實交上越來越多的朋友。當然，重要聚會上一定要舉止得體。和朋友外出時，很多人都會犯錯，不把朋友介紹給遇到的人，結果情況好的話，會被人看作「社交無能」，刻薄點的話，會被認為「粗魯無禮」。

6. Be your (best) self做（最好的）自己

Yes, it』s a cliche you』ve heard a million and one times, but ideas become cliches by standing the test of time. Insincerity is a huge turn-off and no matter how great of an actor you are, the pretense will catch up with you. The most attractive people, both physically and mentally, are the ones who are clearly comfortable in their own skin. Accepting and embracing your own unique qualities radiates a healthy confidence that』s magnetic to others.沒錯，這已是說過無數次的陳詞濫調了，但別忘了：陳詞濫調好歹也經得起時間考驗。虛偽非常惹人討厭，而且不管你裝得多麼像模像樣，總有一天會被拆穿。外貌和心靈上最有魅力的人，往往都是堅持自我的人。接受並擁抱自己獨特的個性也說明你很自信，而自信總能吸引他人。

7. Be self-aware有自知之明

Periodically step outside yourself to evaluate how you come across to others. Don』t mistake this for being overly concerned with their opinions of you. Taking stock of the image you project shows a healthy respect for yourself as well as for them. Another factor to consider is your body language. You may not even realize that you』re wearing a perpetual frown or creating a stand-offish posture with crossed arms and lack of eye contact. It』s a simple concept, but it can make a big difference with how comfortable people feel around you.常從局外人角度反省自己和他人的關係。這並不表示你太介意他人對你的看法。反省自己的形象說明你尊重自己和他人。另外，你還應注意自己的肢體語言。或許你一直沒發現，自己常常皺著眉頭、胳膊交叉抱胸、少有眼神接觸。肢體語言並不難懂，卻很能影響他人對你的感覺。

As you work on developing your social skills, keep in mind that these tips center around the saying, 「To have a friend, be a friend.」 If you let that advice guide your actions, you』ll develop that charisma that makes people want to be around you while also staying true to your own values and principles.當你努力培養社交技能時，請記住：這些建議都是為了「交朋友」。如果你聽從建議並採取行動，不僅能擁有人見人愛的魅力，還能同時保持自己的價值和原則。