中國剩女的「尤達大師」 | 紐約時報

BEIJING — Every evening, Liang Xuemeng goes online to read the latest postings fromAyawawa, one ofChina』s most popular advice columnists.

北京。每天早上，梁雪萌上網閱讀Ayawawa的新帖子，Ayawawa是中國最受歡迎的問答專欄作家。

「I』ve learned a lot from Ayawawa,」 said Ms. Liang, 29, an office clerk in Beijing. 「I wish I』d started following her before my first marriage failed.」

「Ayawawa教會我很多東西，」29歲的北京白領梁女士說。「我多希望在第一次婚姻失敗前就知道她。」

Ayawawa is the online name of Yang Bingyang, one of several online advice dispensers who have won celebrity in China by tapping into urban women』s anxieties about finding a man to marry.

Ayawawa，楊冰陽的網名，她摸准了城市女性的脈門，後者為了找個男人嫁而心情焦慮，於是她成了幾個中國最有名氣的在線問答作家之一。

A former model, author of nine books and, she says, one of the first Chinese admitted to Mensa, the high I.Q. society, Ms. Yang has 2.8 million followers on Weibo, a Twitter-like messaging service, and 1.3 million on WeChat, the social media platform where she answers readers』 questions.

曾經是模特，寫過九本書，她說自己作為第一個入選門薩國際的高智商中國人，楊冰陽在「中國推特」微博上有280萬粉絲；在微信上擁有130萬粉絲，她在這一社交平台回答讀者提問。

「Since I was very young, even before I had my first relationship, I』ve been good at giving advice on relationships to people around me,」 Ms. Yang said in an interview.

「因為我還年輕，所以在我談戀愛之前，就擅長給周圍的人當愛情參謀，」楊女士接受採訪時說。

Although women in their 20s are greatlyoutnumbered by men in the same age groupin China, a product in part of the since-abandoned one-child family policy and a cultural preference for sons, they face enormous pressure to marry. Those who do not have a husband by the age of 27 are routinely branded as 「leftover women,」 with diminishing value in the dating market.

在中國，二十多歲的女性數量比同齡男性少，部分原因在於已經取消的一孩政策和偏愛男孩的傳統文化，儘管如此，她們的結婚壓力巨大。27歲還沒結婚的，通常被標記為「剩女」，在婚配市場上價值每況愈下。

Many of these 「leftover women」 are well-educated urban professionals in a society where men prefer women who are younger and less successful than themselves. The surplus of bachelors shows up mostly on the other end of the spectrum, poor rural men, prompting the state-run All-China Women』s Federation to urge womento lower their standards, lest they, too, end up as 「leftovers.」

很多「剩女」教育水平高，是城市的專業人員，在中國社會裡，男人希望女人更年輕，事業沒自己出色。人分三六九等，光棍成群主要出現在另一端，貧窮的農村男人，這促使全國婦聯呼籲女人們放低標準，以免也成了「被剩下的」。

The stress surrounding the search for a suitable partner has given rise to highly rated television dating shows and public matchmaking events. And to advice columnists like Ayawawa, who can detail the techniques for dating and marrying a man.

The columnists have their critics, who accuse them of reinforcing gender stereotypes, but the columnists counter that they are simply acknowledging reality.

尋找合適的伴侶，其壓力催生收視率高的約會節目和大眾相親活動，以及像Ayawawa這樣的問答專欄作者，可以詳細講述有關戀愛和嫁人的技術。專欄作家也遭遇批評，指責他們固化了性別成見，可專欄作家們反駁說，他們只是承認現實。

「Our world has been hijacked by political correctness,」 Ms. Yang said. 「I』m criticized for telling the truth about the differences between men and women.」

「我們的世界被政治正確綁架了，」楊冰陽說。「男人和女人有差異，我說出了真相就遭到批評。」

She compared managing a relationship to taking an examination. 「If there』s something wrong with the exam, it』s not my job to change how it works, but to tell my followers how to take the exam and score a high grade under the existing circumstances.」

她把談戀愛比作趕考。「如果考試錯了，改考題不是我的事，我要告訴後來者，在現行環境中，如何去考試，拿高分。」

Ms. Liang wishes she』d paid attention earlier. 「Then I』d have understood the importance of a woman』s M.V. and P.U.,』』 she said.

梁雪萌恨不能早點認識楊冰陽。「那樣我會早一點明白女人的M.V和P.U。」她說。

As Ayawawaexplains on her WeChat home page, 「M.V.」 stands for 「Mate Value,」 and 「P.U.」 refers to 「Paternity Uncertainty.」

Ayawawa在她的微信主頁上解釋：「M.V.」說的是「婚配價值」，「P.U.」說的是「父親不確定性」。

She elaborated: 「A man』s M.V. is determined by his age, height, looks, wealth, I.Q., emotional quotient, sexual capacity and willingness to make a long-term commitment.」 The eight elements in a woman』s M.V. are her 「age, looks, height, bra cup size, weight, academic degrees, personality and family background.」

她解釋說，「男人的婚配價值由年齡、身高、長相、財富、智商、情商、性能力和是否死心塌地來決定。」女性「婚配價值」的八個因素是「年齡、長相、身高、胸圍、體重、學歷、性格和家庭背景。」

As for P.U., Ayawawa said, 「In human evolutionary history, a man』s great concern is that he cannot be certain if he is the father of his partner』s child.」 So she advises her female readers: 「Don』t wear revealing clothes. Don』t be always posting pictures of yourself drinking in a bar. Be a lady, speak softly, be modest.」

Ayawawa說，就「父親不確定性」而言，「在人類進化歷史中，一個男人最擔心的是他不確認是不是伴侶孩子的父親。」所以她給女性讀者提建議說：「別穿暴露服裝。不要總發自己在酒吧喝酒的圖片。做個女人，輕聲細語，端莊合體。」

Her suggestions to women include letting the man take the lead. Don』t call him for the first few dates. Don』t have sex for the first few months.

她對女人的建議包括讓男人說了算。最初幾次約會別主動打電話給男方。最初幾個月 別上床。

In response to one young woman』s request for advice about a suitor, she counseled, 「Hold back. Make him invest more in you,」 meaning both time and money.

回答一個年輕女人關於求婚者的問題，她回答說，「繃住了，讓他多投資些，」她說的是時間和錢。

Ms. Liang credits Ayawawa』s advice with rescuing her romantic life. She』s now engaged to marry.

梁雪萌認為Ayawawa的建議拯救了她的愛情。現在她訂婚了。

Many of Ayawawa』s fans consider her the personification of the success they crave for themselves: attractive, married to a man she describes as a loving husband, the mother of two children.

許多Ayawawa的粉絲認為她是她們渴求的人生贏家：迷人，嫁給了一個愛她的丈夫，兩個孩子的媽媽。

By contrast,Lu Qi, a popular online relationship adviser with 26 million followers on Weibo, owes much of his credibility to being a single man in his early 30s, who presumably knows firsthand what such men really think of women. He also said that his advice was based on extensive research in the social sciences and psychology.

與此相反，擁有2600萬粉絲的網路愛情諮詢師陸琪認為之所以可信，正因為自己三十來歲了還是個單身男人，人們認為他最清楚男人到底是怎麼看女人的。他也會說他的建議基於社會科學和心理學的廣泛研究。

「Chinese schools don』t offer a proper education in love and relationships,」 Mr. Lu said in an interview. 「People get their ideas mostly from TV dramas.」

「中國學校沒有適當的愛情教育，」陸琪接受採訪時說。「人們都是從電視劇里看到的。」

Asked whether he really believed there were rules governing love, he said, 「You can』t measure love, of course, but there are some rules that apply to all relationships and social interactions.」

被問及他是否真的相信愛情法則，他說，「當然，你沒法測量愛，但有些法則適用於所有的兩性關係和社會交往。」

He expounds on some of these in taped lectures he sells online, on such subjects as: 「Teaching women to solve relationship problems in a scientific way. Overcoming lingering feelings from a former relationship. Fighting a 『little third』」 — a Chinese term for a third party in a relationship.

他在線上出售講座視頻，講座中闡述了這些主題，例如，「教女人用科學方法解決兩性問題。要克服總忘不了前任。和小三兒斗。」

Mr. Lu is also famous for sharing his doctrines on Weibo.

陸琪以在微博上分享他的學說著稱。

「For women, spending more time with a man deepens her love. But for a man, the longer he stays with a woman, the less he loves her,」 Mr. Lu posted this month.

He said he wanted to empower women by teaching them to be pragmatists about what they want from men.

「對女人而言，花更多時間與男人待在一起會加深愛情。可對男人而言，和女人待得越久，就越不愛她。」陸琪本月發微博說。他說，他想給女性賦權，他教女人們想從男人得到什麼，要講求實際。

「In traditional China, women had an easier life,」 he said. 「They didn』t need to work hard and have a career, though, of course, they lacked certain rights. Feminism has made women』s lives harder, not easier. I』m teaching women how to get ahead.」

「傳統中國社會中，女人生活容易些，」他說。「她們不需要努力工作或有什麼事業，當然，儘管也沒有某些權利。女性主義讓女人生活得更辛苦，而非更輕鬆了。我教女人們如何做。」

Lu Pin, a founder ofFeminist Voices, an online journal devoted to women』s issues, said the counsel provided by online advisers underlined how Chinese society should change.

在線女性雜誌《女權主義之聲》創始人盧顰（音）表示，在線諮詢師提供的諮詢突出了中國社會該如何發生變化。

「Both of them advise women to manipulate men to gain material benefits,」 Ms. Lu said. 「The question is, Why in China is it women who scheme to get men to commit to marriage? Why, when it comes to marriage, are women the sellers and men the buyers? It』s because women don』t have the space to develop themselves.」

「兩人都建議女人通過控制男人獲取物質利益，」盧顰說。「問題在於，為什麼在中國女人求著男人同意結婚呢？為什麼說到結婚，女人成了賣家，男人成了買家？歸根到底是女人沒有自我發展的空間。」

She said economic progress in China had not been accompanied by progress on gender relations.

她說中國的經濟進步並未伴隨著兩性關係的進步。

「It』s sad to see, when the economy has produced so many more opportunities, that more and more women believe that getting married is superior to working hard and achieving a successful career,」 she said.

「很悲哀，經濟提供了這麼多機會，越來越多的女人卻相信結婚比努力工作更好，比事業成功更好，」她說。

Ms. Liang shrugs off such criticism of the advice she credits with helping her find a new husband. Sometimes Ayawawa fans meet on weekends to discuss how to improve their M.V. Ms. Liang, for example, is trying to lose weight and improve her makeup skills and is practicing baking.

梁雪萌對這種批評不屑一顧，她得到的建議正幫她找到新老公。有時Ayawawa的粉絲在周末聚會，討論如何提升自己的「婚配價值」。例如，梁雪萌在嘗試減肥，提高化妝技巧並練習烘焙。

As for the charge that the online advisers promote a backward view of gender relations, she said: 「The differences between men and women are inborn. I take these ideas seriously because I want a better life for myself, not because I』m eager to make the world better for women.」

在線諮詢師讓性別關係倒退，她對這種批評回應說：「男人和女人的差別是與生俱來的。我認真地採納這些意見，因為我想讓自己生活得更好，不是因為我要讓這個世界對女人而言更好。」

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