雅思寫作8分第一例PART2

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公眾號「九牛問津」：持續乾貨輸出狂，DIY留學謠言粉碎機。

本文為雅思寫作8分第一例PART1續篇。團隊已經批改過百餘篇雅思大小作文，幫助過literally tons of學弟學妹達到理想的分數。注意：

1. 千萬不要信奉各類雅思參考書以及官方範文
2. 6分以下提分到6關鍵是語言
3. 6分以上提分關鍵是內容邏輯論證

主體段落（第二段）原文：

It is widely known that many old buildings are protected well today because they have great significance for human beings. These old buildings are the symbols of history and culture. It not only contributes to the researches of the history but also has an important function in educating the next generation. So it is meaningful old buildings should be allowed to protect well.

點評：

1. 全文次要放在前面——雅思寫作忌諱之二。 習作的觀點是政府不應該投資保護古老建築，卻將保護古老建築的好處放在第二段。違背英文寫作習慣。

2. 語言chinglish並有語法錯誤——雅思寫作忌諱之三。

主體段落（第二段）修改後：

Firstly, repairing and maintaining old constructions is money-consuming. Generally speaking, various aging components of outdated buildings necessitate frequent renovations and repairments, which indicates that the maintaining work is a long-term investment. Moreover, repairing one component, sometimes, may entail an overall renovation. For instance, to stop water leakage of one place may require an overall construction of the pipes. By contrast, demolishing the old one and building a new one, which is economic, would make a smarter choice for the government. A research conducted by the Chinese Economic Society in 2016 can be the best illustration. Over 30% of budgets, according to the research, could be saved whe a new building with the same size and height is established, compared with that spent on repairing and maintaining the old counterpart. Plus, according to the survey, new architectures would always bring about such economic benefits for the government as boosting the housing market. Therefore, maintaining old buildings, which is money-wasting, should not be a prefered choice for the government.

點評：

1. 段落邏輯論證清晰，有條理——雅思寫作必備要素之一

2. 有詳細實例支撐相關論點，提高文章的說服力——雅思寫作必備要素之二

3. 全文topic sentence, 和結尾總結句，遙相呼應，段整體很coherent.

4. 語句通順流暢，句式多變。

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