SOP/PS寫作剖析第一例最終篇

來自專欄牛津公派博士小課堂

公眾號「九牛問津」：持續乾貨輸出狂，DIY留學謠言粉碎機。

本文為SOP/PS第一例收官之作。請注意：

1. 本系列所有文章為學弟學妹提供實例，已事先獲得本人同意
2. 為防止無良中介惡意抄襲/盜用，不提供具體修改過程

結尾段原文：

Then why study in UK? As many may wonder. Well, it is a long story to tell but I』d like to make things shorter. I have received the idea of developing myself as a whole person since at very young age. So, from the first year of my university life on I have traveled to many countries, such as the UK, Holland and other parts in Europe, to see the big world. During my trips, I met and talked with countless western people, felt various great cultures and I was deeply touched by English education when in the UK. I was being enormously amazed by how different it can be between China and the West in terms of perspectives of education. I thirsted for owning a chance to experience different academic cultures. Coincidentally my sister is also studying in UK and from her I heard about many beautiful elements of this grand metropolis. I am longing for witnessing the A, B, C and D. From the deep bottom of my heart, dear UK, please take me, like a gracious teacher takes a thirst-for-learning student. I shall be all prepared to dance on this splendid international stage!

評價：

1. 大量重複繁冗內容陳述對所申請國家的嚮往，是結尾段忌諱之一
2. 對比中外教育， 是結尾段忌諱之二
3. 以認識朋友/教授/家人為申請理由是結尾段忌諱之三
4. 懇求語氣/比心跪求對方錄取是結尾段忌之四

結尾段修改後：

The Department of X at X has long been dedicated to developing innovative solutions to the world』s most pressing challenges in X fields. Your professors and students are committed to looking for possible sources of alternative energy while making current ones more sustainable, an endeavor that parallels my vision. There are over eight prominent professors who stay at the forefront of studying A, B and C. Working with them would equip me with both subject-specific knowledge and integrative understanding across a variety of energy issues. In addition, X』s research centers, especially the A, promote energy innovations by providing university-wide interdisciplinary research and national or international collaborations. Therefore, I will have more access to academic exchanges and cross-university facilities to maximize my success. I believe that with my previous excellent research background, which proved me a broadly educated and highly adaptable person, I am a promising candidate for your esteemed program.

評價：

1. program/department的goal如何與personal goal相match，是結尾段必備因素之一
2. 羅列並評價哪些prof/course/subjects讓你剛興趣，是結尾段必備因素之二
3. 羅列並評價其他讓你動心的resources，是結尾段必備因素之三
4. 所有羅列的這些prof/course/subject/resources如何助力你的long and short term goals，是結尾段必備因素之四
5. 結尾一句話總結全文，表明申請意圖，不卑不亢，完美收官。

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