為何你的孩子要撒謊 | Parents Can Be Reasonable

Tuesday

Once, I was just pottering around the garden. Suddenly, I encountered a crowd of mothers, sitting together and sharing their parenting experience. One topic is how to discern their children』s lies. Hearing the theme, my heart sunk.

一次在小區公園裡溜達，忽遇一群媽媽們相聚一起交流育兒經驗，其中一個主題就是如何分辨孩子的謊言。聽到這個話題，心情很是沉重。

Life is full of lies, some are white lies and some are malicious lies. Telling a lie is one of our human nature and no one can guarantee that he never tells a lie in his whole life. As a matter of fact, lying is an inevitable part of children』s growth stage.

生活中，到處充滿謊言，有些是善意的謊言，有些卻是惡意的。撒謊是人類的本性之一，沒有一個人保證說一生沒有撒過謊。其實，撒謊是孩子成長進步的必經階段。

Actually, how to tell the kids』 lies is not important. And what』s important is seeing what behind all lies. Namely, the reason why the kids lie. Commonly, children take the burden of guilt and embarrassment deep in heart. The clever parents are able to handle and resolve it skillfully and appropriately. On the contrary, most parents just uncover the lies and overlook the problem itself.

其實，如何分辨孩子的謊言不重要，重要的是在於謊言背後，也就是孩子為何要撒謊。一般撒謊，孩子都要承擔內心的內疚與羞愧。聰明的家長會妥善處理並巧妙化解，大多數家長只知道揭開孩子的謊言，而忽略問題的本身。

Problem 1 Children Fail to Live Up Parents』 Requirements

Many parents set their own requirements for kids and neglect kids themselves on characteristic development. Especially, school children tend to tell a lie in assignments and scores. For example, children clumsily use red pen to alter falling grades.

問題一：孩子達不到家長的要求

很多家長對於孩子都是有自己的設定要求，忽略孩子的本身發展個性化問題。尤其是學齡孩子，傾向於在作業以及成績問題上撒謊。例如孩子笨拙的用紅筆塗改原本不及格的分數。

Problem 2 Parents Pay Too Little to Kids

As a practical issue, people survive in great living pressure. Many parents have to be engaged in work and leave their kids to older generation. Consequently, parents have much too less time to accompany their children. Even, some kids have to pretend to be sick and make their parents stay at home with them.

問題二：家長對孩子關注太少

現實問題，現在社會生存壓力大，很多家長不得不忙於工作，將孩子託付給家裡長輩，導致家長陪伴孩子的時間越來越少。而有些孩子用裝病來獲取家長的關注，藉此希望家長可以在家陪伴。

Problem 3 Inadequate Influence of Parenting

As the first teachers for kids, parents play an important role in their lives. Sometimes, parents promise kids something for temporarily comforting them. Eventually, parents don』t keep their promise and let kids down. Hence, kids must be edified by what they see and learn lying skills.

問題三：父母榜樣力量不足

父母作為孩子的第一老師，在孩子生活中佔據非常重要的位置。有些時候家長為了暫時性的安撫孩子，而答應孩子。最後，父母不兌現承諾讓孩子失望。所以，孩子在耳濡目染下就習得撒謊這項技能。

Problem 4 Kids』 Temporary Lack of Sense of Security

Many parents believe that kids are too young to know something. Whereas, kids are very sensitive and intelligent. As my nephew was two years old, he was sent to kindergarten. His father and mother picked him up after class. But my nephew said there was mice in the kindergarten and he didn』t want to go to kindergarten any more. Actually, there was no mouse in kindergarten and he just felt lack of security as he got into a new surroundings.

問題四：孩子暫時性安全感缺失

很多家長覺得孩子太小，什麼都不知道。其實，孩子特別敏感特別聰明。二歲的侄子被送去幼兒園，哥哥嫂子第一天接回來的時候說幼兒園裡有老鼠以後不去幼兒園了。其實，並沒有老鼠，只是孩子到了新的環境，安全感缺失而已。

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As a result, parents should make kids』 starting points clear after lying. Do not treat them with a cookie-cut approach and scold them which would push away the kids farther and farther!!!

所以，請家長在看到孩子撒謊後要看清孩子的出發點，而不是一刀切並訓斥孩子，將孩子推得越來越遠！！！

Knowledge Points （知識點）

discern

美 [d?"s?rn] 英 [d?"s??(r)n]

v. 覺察出，識別，了解；（依稀）看出，分辨出，聽出

to know, recognize or understand sth, especially sth that is not obvious; to see or hear sth, but not very clearly

例句：

He almost could not discern the road in the dark.

他幾乎不能在黑暗中辨認出路來。

malicious

美 [m?"l???s] 英 [m?"l???s]

Adj.懷有惡意的；惡毒的

having or showing hatred and a desire to harm sb or hurt their feelings

例句：

It is not a malicious hoax.

這不是心懷惡意的騙局。

inadequate

美 [?n"?d?kw?t] 英 [?n"?d?kw?t]

adj. 不充分的，不足的，不夠的；不勝任的，缺乏信心的

not enough, not good enough; not able, or not confident enough, to deal with a situation

例句：

No one likes to be laughed at. It makes one feel inadequate and out of sorts.

沒有人喜歡遭人嘲笑，這會讓人覺得信心不足和離群。