特朗普時代來臨 如何保持心理健康

蓋爾·柯林斯 2016年11月11日

　　Well, wow. We』ve got a president-elect who a great many Americans regard as the spawn of Satan. A dimwitted, meanspirited spawn embodying the nation』s worst flaws, failings and nightmares.

　　這個，哇。於是我們選出了這樣一個總統，不少美國人都覺得他是撒旦之子。一個又蠢又壞的傢伙，象徵著這個國家最大的缺陷、失敗與惡夢。

　　But on the lighter side …

　　不過說到比較光明的一面……

　　The question today is how to deal with the reality of Donald Trump, next president of the United States. Remember, we』re doing this for your mental health, not his.

　　今天的問題是如何應對美國下一任總統將由唐納德·特朗普(Donald Trump)出任的現實。記住，我們這樣做是為了你的心理健康，而不是他的。

　　周二晚，希拉里·柯林頓的支持者在紐約賈維茨會議中心。　Todd Heisler/The New York Times

　　The bottom line is to presume the best while preparing for the worst. 「They killed us but they ain』t whooped us yet,」 said Tim Kaine, channeling Faulkner in one of the losing team』s biggest applause lines.

　　最要緊的是相信會出現最好的情況，同時為最壞的情況做好準備。「他們打敗了我們，但我們並沒有被打趴下，」蒂姆·凱恩(Tim Kaine)引述福克納(Faulkner)的這句名言是敗選演講中獲得掌聲最多的一句話之一。

　　Forget about moving abroad. Of course it sounds tempting, but you』d be surprised how many countries are unenthusiastic about acquiring new former-American citizens. The Canadians will just keep telling you about their terrific, sensible, well-adjusted young prime minister. Plus there』s that terrible housing bubble in New Zealand.

　　忘了搬到國外這件事吧。它聽起來當然很誘人，但你會驚訝地發現，許多國家對於前美國公民的加入缺乏熱情。加拿大人只會不停地告訴你，他們有個理智、穩重、年輕的好總理。另外，紐西蘭的房屋泡沫也很可怕。

　　Let』s get more practical. Here goes:

　　還是讓我們來點實用的吧。往下看：

　　A 10-Step Program for Adjusting to President-Elect Donald Trump

　　為唐納德·特朗普當選總統做心理調整的10個步驟：

　　1) Start with a night of heavy drinking. Already done that? Good, you』re on your way.

　　1）從一個喝到爛醉的夜晚開始。已經這麼幹了嗎？不錯，你已經上道了。

　　2) Acknowledge that Donald Trump is not crazy. Obviously, he has been known to act crazy in public. But if you met him at a private social occasion you would probably find him to be a fairly pleasant person.

　　2）承認唐納德·特朗普並不瘋。顯然，人們都知道他在公共場合表現出瘋狂的樣子。但如果你在某個私人社交場合見到他，你可能會覺得他還是個挺讓人愉快的人。

　　I say that as someone who once got a letter from Trump telling me I had the face of a dog. But the next time I saw him at a lunch meeting he was fine. Told interesting jokes about how much money he got for product placement on his TV show. Obviously, this isn』t the equivalent of 「Theodore Roosevelt reincarnated.」 But we』re trying to work with what we have here.

　　說出上面這番話的我曾經收到特朗普的一封信，他說我長著一張狗臉。但我下一次見到他是在一個午餐會上，他顯得什麼事也沒有，還拿他在自己的電視節目里植入產品廣告能賺多少錢開著有趣的玩笑。顯然，這沒法跟「西奧多·羅斯福(Theodore Roosevelt)轉世」相比，但我們正在努力適應眼前的現實。

　　3) Trump has the attention span of a gnat, but if he appoints reasonable and intelligent people to his cabinet, the government could run O.K.

　　3）儘管特朗普的注意力只能持續很短的一段時間，但如果他任命聰明理性的人擔任自己的內閣成員，政府還是可以正常運轉的。

　　It will be easy to tell if this is not going to happen: Attorney General Rudy Giuliani.

　　這種情況是否會發生，很容易判斷：司法部長是魯迪·朱利亞尼(Rudy Giuliani)。

　　4) Ditto with foreign affairs. Trump has seemed pretty hands-off when it comes to international involvement, so perhaps with the right advisers, he might take a moderate approach that would disappoint the Republican hawks.

　　4）外交事務也是一樣。在談到國際參與時，特朗普顯示出相當程度的不干涉態度，所以如果有了正確的顧問，他可能採取溫和的方式，讓共和黨鷹派大失所望。

　　Tip-off that this one』s a non-starter: Secretary of State Newt Gingrich.

　　提示一下，這位可能的人選可不是什麼新手：紐特·金里奇(Newt Gingrich)來當國務卿。

　　5) If you』re worried about social issues, remember that until fairly recently, Trump was a rather liberal Manhattanite.

　　5）如果你擔心社會議題，請記住，直到前不久，特朗普還是一個相當自由主義的曼哈頓人。

　　But just in case, you might want to write out a large check to Planned Parenthood.

　　但以防萬一，你可能會想開一張大額支票給計劃生育方案。

　　6) When it comes to big domestic policy questions, to Trump they』re just applause lines or bargaining chips. Anything could go either way.

　　6）至於重大的國內政策問題，對於特朗普來說，它們只是煽動掌聲的精彩句子或是討價還價的籌碼。不管什麼事情都可以商量嘛。

　　While that』s not necessarily calming, it』s better than assuming he actually believes all the stuff he says. What kind of program could he really, really get his heart and soul behind? The only thing I can imagine is a multitrillion-dollar Donald Trump Historic Biggest Ever Infrastructure and 50-State Golf Course Building Program.

　　雖然這話不一定能安慰人，但是總比假設他真的相信自己說過的所有話要好。什麼項目才能讓他真正全身心投入？我唯一能想到的，就是價值成百上千萬億美元的「唐納德·特朗普史上最大基礎設施與50州高爾夫球場建設計劃」。

　　7) About the election results: Don』t let people tell you that the vote proves half the American population is racist. There』s another reasonable explanation for Trump』s victory. In most presidential elections, people decide between change and continuity. Hillary Clinton was running to continue the Obama legacy. After a president serves two terms, Americans generally vote for change, and the other party』s nominee.

　　7）關於選舉結果：不要聽其他人說的投票結果證明一半的美國人是種族主義者。特朗普的勝利還有另一個合理的解釋。在大多數總統選舉中，人們都要在改變和連續性之間做出選擇。希拉里·柯林頓(Hillary Clinton)是在爭取延續奧巴馬的遺產。在總統連任兩個任期後，美國人一般會投票支持做出改變，也就是另一黨派的提名人。

　　Yeah, I know — those people yelling the N-word or 「Sieg heil!」 at the rallies. But if you dwell on them, you』re not going to want to go out of the house anymore. Think of it as basically a change/no change election. Plus some deplorables rattling around the basket.

　　是的，我知道――那些人在助選集會上大喊著那個N打頭的字，或者納粹的「勝利萬歲!」(Sieg heil)。但是，如果你總想著這些人，那你簡直不能再出家門了。把這當成是一個本質上是在改變/不改變之間做選擇的選舉吧。它只是附加了一些可厭的雜音罷了。

　　8) We ought to give anybody a second chance, even if it』s Donald Trump. 「We now are all rooting for his success,」 said President Obama. Really, you do not want to be one of those people like, um, Omarosa Manigault, Trump』s director of African-American outreach, who told a reporter on election night that when it came to enemies, 「Mr. Trump has a long memory and we』re keeping a list.」

　　8）我們應該給所有人第二次機會，就算是唐納德·特朗普也不例外。奧巴馬總統說：「我們現在都支持他的成功當選。」真的，你不想成為那些人中的一員，比方說，特朗普的非裔美國競選顧問奧馬羅薩·馬尼戈特(Omarosa Manigault)，競選之夜，她告訴一名記者，說到敵人，「特朗普先生有著好記性，我們有個名單。」

　　Now that』s the kind of attitude that might come in handy if you』re a repeat contestant on a cheesy reality show like 「The Celebrity Apprentice.」 But obviously that has nothing to do with being chief executive of the United States.

　　如果你是《名人學徒》(The Celebrity Apprentice)那種粗俗真人秀里的一名重複參賽者，現在那種態度可能會派上用場。但是顯然，成為美國政府的最高行政長官則是另一回事。

　　9) Try to think about some of the other election results on Tuesday that were more positive. Some states passed new gun control initiatives. Others raised the minimum wage, and several legalized recreational marijuana. Which will definitely come in handy over the next few years.

　　9）想想周二其他一些更積極的選舉結果吧。一些州通過了新的控槍議案。其他一些州提高了最低工資，還有幾個州實現了娛樂用大麻合法化。這在未來幾年肯定會派上用場。

　　10) At Thanksgiving, if your family keeps trying to trade Trump insults, redirect the conversation to that great Chicago Cubs World Series win.

　　10）感恩節的時候，如果你的家人還在你一句我一句地侮辱特朗普，就把談話引到到芝加哥小熊隊(Chicago Cubs)在棒球世界大賽中的偉大勝利上去吧。

　　It may be a hard meal to get through, but remind yourself that a couple of days later, our president-elect is scheduled to take the witness stand in a Trump University fraud trial.

　　這可能是難以咽下的一餐，但是你要提醒自己，幾天後，我們的總統當選人還得依照計劃站在特朗普大學欺詐案的證人席上。

　　There』s always a silver lining.

　　黑暗中總有一線光明。