在國外沒多種族朋友？用以下方法試試

（原創後中文翻譯版，英文版請拉到最後，轉發需聯繫授權，任何侵權行為會進行法律追究）

中國學生在美國校園內有著不大好的聲譽。被認為是喜歡「扎堆」的，只和自己人相處而忽略其他種族人的人群。這樣的評價公平嗎？可能不，其實每個種族都會有「扎堆」的現象（只是白人扎堆你也不認為那叫扎堆罷了）。

無論公平與否，為了你的個人成長，你應該保持在社交圈裡尋找「多樣化」的習慣，特別是在這個千載難逢的留學生活里。最終，教育並不應該只教會你一堆事實和公式，更多的是通過它來挑戰你現有的世界觀，並超越，形成新的體系。不僅僅是智商上的，更多的還包括社會和感情方面。

如果現在的你還在扎堆，又想掙脫這個圈子，或者很怕以後被迫扎堆。我給四個簡單的方法，讓你們超級容易地就能和非中國學生做朋友。（前方高能）

1) 用意念告訴自己你想要美國朋友

我知道這很奇怪，這是步驟1而不是步驟0。你可能會說「我當然想交美國朋友了，不然我為什麼點開這篇文章？」。別忘了，走出第一步比想想要難，我必須指出的是，作為一名中國留學生，你會發現和其他中國留學生做朋友簡直是再簡單不過的事了，特別是如果你去的是UCLA,UIUC這些人山人海中國人面孔的學校，你以為你還在中國讀書。

有很多中國留學生朋友當然沒有問題，這是大自然驅使我們去接近那些和我們相類似的人。但是，當你的自然驅使讓你成為習慣後，你就會失去再開闊視野的動力，你不會推自己再踏出舒適區，這才是問題。

好了，到底出國是為了最終得到什麼是你自己決定的。拿一個哈佛還是清華的畢業證真的會在你找第一份工作的時候起到巨大的不同效果？在我看來，中國學生過分的看重文憑的價值了。雖然學位很重要，但在國外學習到什麼（以及什麼會讓你與眾不同）的無形而又重要的價值來自於了解外國文化、建立外國友誼和人際關係網。並通過這個過程把自己鍛煉成為一個可以適應並為全世界發展作貢獻的全球公民。

2）漠視媒體誤導

「Sup bro? Yeah bro, let』s do it dude. We gun get suuuperr waaaasted, bro. Aw, hell yeah, son.」

「Ohh my god, but like…she』s suuuuch a bitch. Like… for real. Look at that fake tan and her trashy nails like what the hell… Oh my god, she』s coming over here. OMG hiiiiiiii…」

問題：上面的話是誰說的？

亞里斯多德？希拉里？還是一個美國白人學生？

都不是，說上面話的人是我。一個24歲的美籍華人。

但上面的話聽起來就是一個在校美國白人的語言，對不對？

我想說的是，如果你是一個看很多美國電影和電視劇的中國學生，但從來沒有在美國認真生活過，你可能對美國人會有一種扭曲的印象。

那當然是可以理解的。我有一個親戚，以為美國人只會吸雪茄，而不是煙。媒體經常去重點放大一些特殊的生活習慣，而漠視那些被習以為常的生活方式。

在現實生活里，美國大學生並不都光鮮亮麗，但他們也不全都是由漢堡包堆積成的脂肪體，也不是一天到晚不讀書只開派對（當然，有一些的確特別喜歡，所以你可能會在大學聽到兩種不同的觀點）。

在留學期間，你將會接觸到無數多的美國人，我想你會很驚訝，其實他們和你並沒有很大不同。所以，把你在電視媒體里看到的美國印象移走，你不需要特意去把自己演繹成某個很像他們的樣子去和他們相處。當你第一次看到美國朋友時，就把他們當成你的中國朋友一樣對待（我當然指用的是英文），當了解他們的性格後，就當作你的一名普通朋友去交談。

3）認識朋友最好的時間就是大一

這時候整個學校的氛圍都籠罩在社交中。

學校組織也會舉辦非常多的活動。學生社團會招新的成員，你可能會參加一打關於學校、教師和宿舍的新生介紹會。

和不同人群社團混為一體的機會是非常多的，這個時間裡，學生們並沒有形成一個非常緊密或特定的圈子。每個人都像你一樣處於緊張又激動，好奇又困惑的狀態。美國學生會非常想認識一些其他國家來的人，對於他們來說，你是新鮮、有趣又特殊的大學經歷。

你所需要走的就是站起來打招呼「Hi」，然後加上一些小對話，去引起共鳴和為未來的友誼搭建基礎（對那些不懂怎麼創造小對話的同學們，我後面會開貼再細教這個技能）。

我建議你可以把握住這個入學時間去多交不同背景和國籍的朋友。不要只和中國留學生聊天和每天聚在一起。一旦你和中國學生聚堆一起，你和其他人接觸的難度會加大很多。

你還可以多加入學校的CSSA chapter (Chinese Students and Scholars Association)去認識更多的中國學生。但在校園介紹會(orientation)後，你的學校可能不會再像現在這樣頻繁提供機會給你去認識國際上的不同國籍同學。你想再認識他們就變得難了很多。

4）保持你對自己種族的自豪感

一群不同背景、不同國籍、多文化的朋友會使得你的出國留學經歷更豐富多彩。但是，不要覺得美國朋友就是「神聖的」，而中國學生就只是一群只懂扎堆的禍首。這種心理是不健康的。

無論如何，和其他中國學生建立關係也是必要的。你們很多都希望最後回國找工作或生活，所以強大的中國人際網路關係也將會是你後面職業發展的資產。

學校錄取你作為國際學生，是希望你會為學校貢獻更多獨特的人格和文化。與外國朋友建立友誼，也是為了分享你的經驗和才華，而不是讓你放棄曾經所有的一切。

請你的美國或其他國籍朋友去你的生日會；拿中國現在最流行的表情包給他們娛樂娛樂；告訴他們為什麼Uzi將會永遠地成為LOL裡面的常勝。 美國人會感激你對自己的中國身份認可。

我相信美國和中國之間未來的關係，很大程度取決於他們相互之間的理解與認可。有什麼比大學校園裡新生一代能更好地進行這種交流和對話呢？

————————————————————————————————————

Chinese students get a bad rap on American campuses. You』re perceived to be the group who likes to 「扎堆」 the hardest and ignore everyone else. Fair assessment? Probably not. Every group has the tendency to 扎堆(but when white people do it, it』s harder to tell).

Regardless of fair or not, for the benefit of your personal growth, you should always look to diversify your social circle, especially during a once-in-a-lifetime study abroad opportunity. At the end of the day, education is not about regurgitating facts and formulas. It is about challenging your current worldview and expanding beyond, not just intellectually, but socially and emotionally as well.

So for all you nerve-racked incoming freshmen and existing 扎堆』ers, I present four steps to easily make friends with your non-Chinese classmates.

1) Decide you want American friends

I know, it』s weird that this is Step 1 instead of Step 0. You might say, 「Of course I want American friends! Why else would I be reading this article?」 Well, taking action is harder than simply thinking about it. I want to first point out that as a Chinese international student, you may find it natural to be friends with only other Chinese students, especially if you go to a popular school like UCLA or UIUC.

There』s nothing wrong with having a lot of Chinese friends. After all, we all tend to bond with those who are most relatable to us. However, it becomes a problem when you regress into habit and lose the drive to broaden your horizons.

You fear that your existing friends will judge you or think you』re abandoning them for foreigners.

Look, it』s up to you to take advantage of what a study abroad experience can give you. Will a degree from Harvard vs. Tsinghua really change initial job prospects that much? In my experience, Chinese students tend to over-value the college diploma. While the degree is important, the intangible yet crucial value in study abroad (and what will set you apart) comes from the chance to understand foreign culture, forge foreign friendships and connections, and develop yourself into a worldly global citizen through the process.

Most of your Chinese friends also want to make foreign friends but struggle with the same barriers. Cooperate with them. Take a Chinese friend to an event or extracurricular attended by non-Chinese students and meet some new people together.

Decide that you want to diversify your social circle and commit to it. Otherwise, it』s all too easy to fall back into your comfort zone.

2) Disregard media projections

「Sup bro? Yeah bro, let』s do it dude. We gun get suuuperr waaaasted, bro. Aw, hell yeah, son.」

「Ohh my god, but like…she』s suuuuch a bitch. Like… for real. Look at that fake tan and her trashy nails like what the hell… Oh my god, she』s coming over here. OMG hiiiiiiii…」

Question – who said the quotes above?

Aristotle? Hillary Clinton? The typical white college student?

No, you』re wrong. I made those quotes up. Me. A 24-year-old Chinese American guy.

But they sure sound like they would be uttered by an American college student, don』t they?

My point is – if you』re a Chinese kid who watches American movies and TV shows but has never spent any significant time in the U.S., you probably have a warped perception of how Americans behave.

That』s understandable. I have a Chinese relative who thinks Americans smoke only Cuban cigars instead of cigarettes. Media tend to emphasize the extremes and ignore boring, average reality.

In reality, American college students are not all polished yachtsmen. They』re not all burger-inhaling fatties. They』re not all vapid party fiends (though some are, so you』ll probably hear a variation of the two quotes above during your time on campus).

You will be exposed to countless Americans during study abroad. I think you』ll be surprised to find that many are quite similar to you. So remove all your preconceived notions of what an American should be like. You do not need to act a certain way to bond with them. When you meet an American classmate for the first time, talk to him or her like you would if you were meeting a Chinese classmate (but use English, of course). Then proceed how you normally would after getting to know their individual personality.

3) Set the tone early

The best time to make friends during college is at the start of freshman year. The entire campus atmosphere favors socializing.

Organizations will host introductory events. Student clubs will recruit new members. You will probably attend a dozen orientations about the school, classes and dorm life.

Opportunities to mingle are abundant, and generally, people have not yet siphoned off into any established friend groups. Everyone else will be just as anxious, excited, curious, and confused as you. American students will want to meet international students. To them, you embody a fresh, interesting aspect of their college experience.

All it takes is walking up and saying 「hi,」 followed by some small talk to build the foundation for a future friendship (for those who have trouble making 「small talk,」 I will write a post on this topic later).

I recommend you seize orientation period to meet people of various backgrounds. Do not just talk to a few Chinese students and start attending every event with those same people. Doing so will make your group appear less approachable.

You can always join your school』s CSSA chapter (Chinese Students and Scholars Association) to meet other Chinese kids. But after orientation, your school might not offer another occasion that allows you to easily approach and bond with non-Chinese students.

4) Maintain your cultural pride

A diverse, multicultural group of friends will enrich your study abroad experience. However, do not think of Americans as the 「trophy friends」 you must impress while other Chinese students are just a sad bunch of 扎堆culprits.

This mentality is unhealthy and pathetic.

By all means, develop relationships with other Chinese students. Many of you wish to return to China in the long term for work, so a robust network of Chinese connections serves as a valuable career asset.

The university admitted you as an international student because it hopes for you to contribute your unique personal and cultural flair. Make foreign friends to share that flair, not to forsake it.

Invite your American friends for Chinese New Year festivities. Entertain them with the latest biaoqing sticker. Tell them why Uzi will forever be superior to Doublelift in League of Legends. American classmates will appreciate the authentic display of your Chinese identity.

I believe that the future relationship between China and the U.S. hinges upon how well people understand one another. What better setting for that dialogue to take place than among the new generation on a college campus?

推薦閱讀：