中國博士黃西再登脫口秀笑翻老外（視頻）

視頻雙語文本：Hi, everybody. Hi! So I don"t have too much time up here, before my green cardexpires. See I grew up in a poor neighborhood in China. The middle school that I went to one year decided to pave the dirt roads with bricks andcement. And the students were required to bring bricks to school and ...We worked really hard for 3 weeks and finally we built a road. Years later, I heard about the term: childlabor. I was like, what?! Those kids got paid?!嗨，大家好啊！嗨！那個……我能表演的時間不多，因為我綠卡馬上要過期了。我是在中國的窮鄉僻壤長大的。我們初中某年突然決定要修整土路，鋪上磚頭和水泥，讓學生們帶磚頭到學校來……我們玩命地幹了三個禮拜終於把路修好了。多年以後我聽說了這個詞：童工。我立馬就驚訝了，啥？！那些小孩幹活還有錢拿？I got a D minus. But I read that younger kids nowadays can"t even read the analog watches any more. They can only read thedigital ones. I was like, how are they gonna report the locations of hotchicks in the future? It"s gonna be like, Hot chick, 3 o"clock. I can"t stay that long.我拿到的只是D-。我看報道，如今的小孩都不會看手錶了。他們只能看懂電子錶。我心想，等他們長大以後該如何報告辣妹的位置啊？別人說，「辣妹在三點鐘方向」。我不能待那麼久的。So I came to the US for college and I was really into science, which really helped me in the romance department. Like once I asked this girl out and she said, no. I said, are you sure? And she said to me, hey Joe, NO means NO. I said, well... it also means Nitric Oxide.我來美國是讀大學，我很喜歡科學，這對我的感情生活也大有裨益。有一次，我約女孩子出去，她說不行。我問，真不行啊？她說，嘿，Joe，NO就是不行的意思。我說，NO也是一氧化氮啊。And one year, I went to New Orleans for Mardi Gras. Here"s something you guys should know about me. I don"t approve of nudity in public. But when it happens, I want to be there.有一年，我去新奧爾良參加狂歡節。 對於我，你們要了解一點，我是不贊同公共場合赤身裸體的。不過要是真有人這麼幹了，那我不能錯過啊。And when I first came to the United States, I took a English as a second language class. And the teacher there was too lazy to remember the students" names. So he just handed out a list of American names for us to choose from. And by the time I got the list, there were only two names left, so I just picked Joe instead of Jake. And the other day, I told that story to my son, Jake.我初到美國時，參加了英語培訓課程。我們老師特別懶，記不住學生名字。於是他就給了我們一張美國名字表，讓我們選名字。等我拿到表時，只剩下倆名字了，所以我就選了Joe。我選了Joe，另一個是Jake。有一天，我把這故事講給我兒子聽，他叫Jake。So my son is four years old now. But he still has a lot of growing-up to do. Sometimes I look at my son, I was like, wow, this gentleman contributes nothing to society. And I have to pretend that I"m impressed by everything he does. I was like, wow, you walked half a block by yourself? That"s amazing! But in the back of my mind, I was like, big deal! When I was a kid, I built a road!我兒子現在四歲，不過，他還遠遠不夠成熟。有時，我看著兒子心想，哇哦，這小夥子對社會一點貢獻都沒有。但我還得裝作他所作的事都很了不起。我說，哇哦，你自己走了半個街區？太棒了！其實我心想，這算啥啊！老子小時候修了條路！
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