你說話得體嗎？On Writing Well

來自專欄米米的 grey matter

這篇文章的解釋較長

請耐心看完

對你自己英語寫作程度的認知有所幫助

也可以知道你從何下手

常常看到再網上所謂的高分範文

其實就是把一堆簡單的詞用大詞替換，而沒考慮到 approciacy 的時候

心就會覺得很累…

雅思注重的是修辭 (hedging)

因為在雅思里考生要寫的是辯論性文章

辯論性文章的真諦是不要把話說太死

為了以後被別人反懟的時候有 plausible deniability （合理的推諉）

所以在寫作或說話的時候, 請考慮到你的 appropriacy

在公司炒人的時候，為了要安撫員工的情緒，會說

「the elimination of 3000 jobs were involuntary methodologies」

而不是說

「we are going to layoff 3000 of you」

在飛機墜落時

為了要安撫客人, 空服人員不會說

「if we were to crash」

而會說

「in the unlikely possibility that the aircraft should experience its eventuality」

但是在你的 personal statement 上

你絕逼不能這樣寫

「Playing the violin has become a means of communicating with my inward self because I can express my feelings with specific songs. And thats how the "classicality" of violin works for me.」

因為你連 classicality 或 inward 都不知道如何使用

你還不如寫簡單一點

The older I became, the more emotions I had for the music scores I performed. The violin was a bridge between me and my emotions because I could literally elicit how I feel on my strings and bow.

任何語言學習深度有三層

(其實有五層, 但是前兩層跟發音有關係, 跟寫作沒關係所以這文章不會解釋前兩層)

第一層、語法 (grammar of function) 語言的正確性

第二層、語意 (grammar of meaning) 語言的正確性已經不是問題, 主要探討的是語句的意思精不精準

第三層、語用 (grammar of culture) 語句的意思精準度已經不是問題, 主要探討的是如何使用語言中的含義在讀者心中產生影響

大部分的中國學生, 在英語寫作方面需要學習的是第一層 grammar of function

一個 grammar of function 沒什麼問題的學生需要拿到雅思寫作 7.0 或托福寫作 28

Grammar of function 的錯誤在一篇敘述文出現看起來是這樣子的（可以試試看你看不看得出這文章的語法錯誤）：

There used to be a time when neighbors take care of one another, he remembered. It no longer seeming happen that way, however. He wondered if it was everyone in the modern world was so busy. It occurred to him that people today has so many things to do that he or she don』t have the time for old-fashioned friendship. Things didn』t work that way in America in previous era.

（文章來自On Writing Well）

文章語法錯誤和訂正:

There used to be a time when neighbors take care of one another, he remembered. [take care of 是時態錯誤,應該改成 took care of] It no longer seeming happen that way, however. [seeming 是句子零碎錯誤, 應該改成 seemed to] He wondered if it was everyone in the modern world was so busy. [He wondered if it was everyone in the modern world was so busy 是不斷句錯誤, 應該改成He wondered if it was because everyone in the modern world was so busy.] It occurred to him that people today has so many things to do that he or she dont have the time for old-fashioned friendship. [主位一致和代名詞錯誤, 應該改成people today have so many things to do that they dont have the time ] Things didn』t work that way in America in previous eras… [無語法錯誤]

（文章來自On Writing Well）

語法訂正後:

There used to be a time when neighbors took care of one another, he remembered. It no longer seemed to happen that way, however. He wondered if it was because everyone in the modern world was so busy. It occurred to him that people today have so many things to do that they don』t have the time for old-fashioned friendship. Things didnt work that way in America in previous eras…

（文章來自On Writing Well）

如果你看不出來所有的語法錯誤的話, 你寫出來的句子很有可能要不然 native speaker 看不懂, 要不然覺得你很沒文化

但是即使訂正過後語法完全沒錯, 這篇文章也顯得格格不入, 總感覺不順暢，這時, 我們要考慮到文章意思的精準度

文章精準度錯誤和訂正:

There used to be a time when neighbors took care of one another, he remembered. [he remembered 應該要擺在句子前面才可以讓讀者感覺文中的 he 在回憶] It no longer seemed to happen that way, however. [however 因該要擺在前面才會有轉折感] He wondered if it was because everyone in the modern world was so busy. [沒句意錯誤] It occurred to him that people today have so many things to do that they don』t have the time for old-fashioned friendship. [這句話跟前面一句沒有什麼兩樣, 建議刪掉或用具像化加入細節] Things didn』t work that way in America in previous eras… [感覺作者後面要說 America 以前的狀況了, 但是人們還在現在, 建議把時間點提前, 而且America這詞已經提過了, 可以不用再提]

（文章來自On Writing Well）

語意訂正後:

He remembered that neighbors used to take care of one another. However, that no longer seemed to happen in America. He wondered if it was because everyone in the modern world was so busy. It occurred to him that people today have so many things to do, such as watching TV, washing cars, or working out, that they don』t have the time for old-fashioned friendship. In previous eras that was never true.

（文章來自On Writing Well）

作為一個第二語言學習者, 你可以寫成這樣已經不簡單了, 是雅思8托福30的水平的了

但是 native speaker 看了這篇文章後感覺還是有可以改進的地方

這篇文章確實沒有語法錯誤, 用詞也正確, 但給出的感覺生硬, 沒有 rhythm, 換句話說就是在 culture 的等級上來說是不合格的，native speaker 是不會這樣寫的

文章語用錯誤和訂正:

He remembered that neighbors used to take care of one another. [沒語用錯誤] However, that no longer seemed to happen in America. [用 But 會 American 地區性濃厚點] He wondered if it was because everyone in the modern world was so busy. [這句和下一句都有一樣的 rhythm，看了感覺想睡覺，還不如改成 rhetorical 問句] It occurred to him that people today have so many things to do, such as watching TV, washing cars, or working out, that they dont have the time for old-fashioned friendship. [改成問句, 還有 old-fashion 這詞沒意義, 花時間去定義也沒意義, 建議刪掉] In previous eras that was never true. [沒語用錯誤]

（文章來自On Writing Well）

語用（American 用語）訂正後:

He remembered that neighbors used to take care of one another. But that no longer seemed to happen in American. Was it because everyone was so busy? Were people really so preoccupied with their television sets and their cars and their fitness programs that they had no time for friendship? [注意, 在這邊沒有使用 A, B, and C 的平行結構是為了要讓這 rhetorical 問句看起來更像是作者直接用口語的口吻問讀者] In previous era, that was never true.

（文章來自On Writing Well）

這篇文章就是完全注意到最高級語法使用(grammar of culture) 的精準度的文章了

唯有到這個程度, 你才是個 native speaker 的水平

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