ED|進食障礙·stories to be told

"The quality of the life that I live is more important than how I look in the mirror."

我擁有著何種美妙的人生，遠比我在鏡子中的樣子更重要

下文摘自BuzzFeedNEWs的一篇文章，它摘取了17個ED患者的心路感想

就我了解，國內相關資料等相對較少

所以為了自己，也為了每一個你（為了找理由休息 順便學英語）

我會不定時更新國外的相關內容

你需要或是想了解的話，不妨就看看吧~

Eating-disorder recovery is not easily definable. Recovery and survival from any trauma, mental illness, addiction, or disembodiment of self looks and feels different to and for everyone.

進食障礙的恢復不是輕易可以給出確切答案的。每個人的創傷、心理疾病、成癮，亦或是關於自身外貌和想法的脫離狀態都是不同的，從其中恢復過來也是如此。

One thing is certain: Eating disorders do not discriminate. And all too often, they are neither obvious nor visible in presentation. All too often, they are stigmatized, or silenced altogether.

有一件事是肯定的：進食障礙也不例外。但是，通常它不會顯示出來，通常它會被認為是見不得人的，它，總是默不作聲。

As a writer, performer, and body empowerment advocate, I have spent much of my life sharing my eating-disorder survival story. And still, it feels impossible to perfectly articulate the deadly mental illness that is an eating disorder, as the journey of survival is uniquely personal.

作為一個作者，表演者和身體力量的提倡者，我在一生中花了許多時間講述我從進食障礙中重生的故事。但是，重生的過程是那麼的親身、真切，我仍然感覺不可能完美闡明這個可怕的心理疾病竟是進食障礙。

We heard from a diverse array of individuals worldwide who have experienced various eating disorders and experiences with body image, who describe their survival in myriad ways. Here are some of the many stories we received.

我們了解到在全世界有許多人經歷過各種進食障礙或是與自身外在形象鬥爭，他們恢復的過程更是多樣。這裡是我們收到的幾個小故事。 —Caroline Rothstein

As a 12-year-old with full-blown anorexia, I was involuntarily institutionalized after having an eating disorder–induced seizure. The institution was not equipped to deal with eating disorders, and their only plan of action was to watch me eat, shower, and sleep to ensure I didn』t throw up, exercise, or throw my food away. I was treated less as a medical patient and more like a criminal, unable to privately mourn the loss of my innocence and adolescence.

我12時就患了神經性厭食症，在一次發作後就被泊帶到了某個機構。這個機構沒有處理進食障礙的部門，他們就只是看著我吃飯、洗澡、睡覺，確保我沒有催吐、運動或是把食物扔掉。我更像一個囚犯、而不是一個病人。我無法哀悼失去的純真和浪費的青春。

This was my first insight into how our health care system is unprepared to treat eating disorder survivors, a travesty compounded by society』s rigid physical ideals for women. Survivors could best be served by the development of new treatment options targeted at modifying harmful behaviors and by eroding patriarchal visions of the female body. Instead, we are treated like social outliers who are shamed and told we have taken things too far. Denying the existence of sexism is a historically convenient method of the ignorant, and to tell an eating disorder survivor that our plight is of self-creation is to validate the disproportionate and unrealistic physical expectations for women that have permeated every aspect of society.

這是我第一次認識到我們的醫保體制並不能處理進食障礙的病人，它是社會對女性僵化看法的扭曲產物。當一項新的治療著重於改善患者有害的行為和削弱父權主義下對女性身體的看法，患者的康復才可以被保障。然而，我們卻像社會邊緣的人，所有人都說我們做事太過了。否定性別歧視的存在是自古確認無知的最簡便辦法，而告訴一個進食障礙康復者我們的痛苦都是自己造成的就是證實當今滲透社會各方面的對女性不平衡、不切現實的外在期望。

I will never forget the first time I saw my own reflection without wanting to see less of it. It took years for me to regain control of my life and body, both of which deserved respect and love after having spent years as a battleground. Sharing my story was the first step toward total recovery and remains my personal form of resistance. By speaking out, we can reduce the shame and stigma associated with eating disorders and give courage to millions of survivors.

我永遠都不會忘記第一次照鏡子，想擁有身上每一部分的那一刻。我花了好幾年才可以重新掌控自己的生活和身體，這二者作為戰場那麼多年後，都值得被尊敬、被愛護。講出我的故事是我痊癒和保持當下自身的第一步。講出來，我們會減少進食障礙帶給我們的恥辱感，也會給正經歷這些的千百萬人更多的勇氣。 —Jaclyn Munson

My story begins at age 4. I was extremely underweight for my height and age; however, my grandmother told I had 「arms like ham」 and was 「getting chubby.」 I spent my entire childhood surrounded by weight stigma — whether it was from my grandmother constantly telling me to 「go on a diet」 or comparing my own body to my friends.

我的故事4歲就開始了，我的體重對於我的身高和年齡都太低了，然而我祖母還是告訴我「胳膊像火腿」、「越來越胖了」我整個童年都活在體重的羞恥感中，無論是祖母時不時讓我節食或是把我和我朋友的身材相比較。

At 12, I went on what I described as a 「very strict diet.」 I had no clue what anorexia was. I thought it was when someone literally never ate anything due to some underlying emotional problem, when, in reality, accordingly to my personal understanding and experience, it』s a disease that manifests in the mind; an utter fear of weight gain. It does not have a specific physical appearance. It does not pick particular races or genders. It just is.

12歲，我開始了自己聲稱的「非常嚴格的節食」。我就沒有神經性厭食的任何跡象。我以為那是當一個人有潛在情緒問題，其實，基於我個人理解和體會，這是一個人在思想中不斷擴大的疾病，是對怕長胖的過分恐懼。並沒有客觀的外在表現，在種族和性別上無差別。就是這樣。

My 「diet」 left me with a failing liver, a problematic heart, hair loss, and osteopenia. I went into treatment for anorexia and fully came to terms with my disease, and began to believe that I did not choose this. Anorexia was like a light switch that lived inside my brain, turned off for most of my life. The stigma surrounding my weight is what turned it on.

我的「節食」帶來了衰弱的肝臟，一顆千瘡百孔的心，掉發以及骨質減少。我接受了神經性厭食的治療，也開始接受我的病，並相信不是我選擇的它。神經性厭食就像一個在大腦里的燈開關，大多數下是關閉的。是關於體重的恥辱讓開關開啟。

For me, I will never turn my anorexia off. It』s always going to be a struggle. I can, however, dim the lights. Now, at 16, I remain recovered without relapse. Although every day I see girls in magazines and in person with tiny waists, I am fighting. I am alive. I almost lost my life, and my life is much more important than my weight. Someday, I think I will 100% believe I am beautiful, and I will do that on my own terms, without the help of a boy or Instagram likes. Until then, I remain a 16-year-old girl still surrounded by weight stigma and slowly, but surely, learning to be comfortable with myself.

對於我，我永遠不會把這個開關關掉。掙扎是永遠存在的。然而，我可以讓燈光變得黯淡。現在，我16歲了，我沒有複發的一點點恢復。儘管每天我能看到雜誌上，或是真人，她們的腰有多細，我還在與其鬥爭。我還活著。我幾乎丟掉了我的生活，我的生活比我的體重重要多了。有一天，我會百分百認同自己有多美麗，我會自己這麼真切地認為，不是藉助一個男孩或是ins的幫助。那時，我仍是一個被體重羞恥感包圍的16歲女生，但是，肯定的是，我會慢慢學會於自己和解，寬慰自己。 —Meg Masseron

！如果有哪裡出問題，要告訴我哦！

原文鏈接：https://www.buzzfeed.com/carolinerothstein/17-stories-of-eating-disorder-survival?utm_term=.saqdL4EAQ#.krZZ5kRO7

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