0938翻譯：十三歲的際遇 (田曉菲)

0938翻譯：十三歲的際遇 (田曉菲)

Translation: A Turn of Event At Age Thirteen (Tian Xiaofei)

(translated by: alexcwlin; edited by: Adam Lam)

第一次知道這世界上存在著一個「北大」，是在我七歲的時候。

I was seven years old when I first came across (1) the existence of 「PKU」 in this world.

那天，偶爾從抽屜里翻出一張泛黃的照片，

On that day, I took out a yellowish photograph from a drawer by chance.

上面是一片沉靜而美麗的湖光塔影。

The photo had a serene and beautiful scene with glitters and towers reflected off surface of a lake.

我目不轉睛地注視著這似曾相識的風景，

I gazed fixedly at this seemingly familiar scenery.

一些莫名的驚奇、喜悅與感動，從自己那充滿渴望的內心悄悄升起。

An unexplainable bout of surprise, delight and fascination emerged unaware from my eager mind.

母親告訴我：這，就是北大。

My mother told me that was Peking University.

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10歲，乘汽車從北大校門口經過。

One day at the age of ten, the bus I took passed by the front gate of PKU.

身邊的阿姨喚我快看快看，

An aunt by my side told me to look quickly.

我卻扭過頭去，口裡說著：才不呢！

But I deliberately turned my head the other way and said: 「I won』t.

現在若看了，以後再來上學不就「不新鮮」了嗎？

If I see it now, then all the novelties would be gone when I come to school here later.」

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我從未懷疑過我要成為北大的學生。

My compulsion to become a PKU student never wavered.

那份稚氣十足的自信，似乎預示了一段奇妙的塵緣。

That childlike self-confidence seemed to prognosticate an intriguing destiny.

只是我沒有想到，我會這麼快就實現了童年的夢想；

The only thing I never anticipated was how soon my childhood dream became reality.

而且，在白駒過隙的彈指一瞬，這已是我來到北大的第三個秋天。

In a flash, this is the third autumn since I came to PKU.

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驀然回首，我彷彿認出了兩年前的自己：短短的頭髮，天真的目光，還不滿14歲，完全是個一腦子浪漫念頭的小女孩，對什麼都充滿了興趣與好奇。

In looking back, seemingly I could still remember my two-year-ago self as a little girl with short hair, innocent eye-expressions, a young age at less than fourteen, romanticized thoughts, and all-encompassing interests combined with curiosity.

紛揚的白雪裡，依稀看到她穿著藍色羽絨衣，在冰凍的湖面擲下一串雪團般四處迸濺的清脆笑聲。

Amid wafting snow flurries, I vaguely appear to have a mental image of her wearing a blue down-jacket, tossing a chain of snowballs into a freezing lake, and giggling away.

如今，秋風又起，

Now autumn wind starts to blow.

樹枝樹葉交織出金色的穹隆。

A golden dome has been weaved by branches and leaves under the sun.

落葉遍地，踩上去很柔軟，好像此時此刻不勝涼意的心情。

Ubiquitous soft-to-the-feet fallen leaves somehow reflect my unbearably chilly mood at the moment.

眼看87級新生穿著軍訓的綠軍衣滿校走，我才恍悟到自己已是三年級的「老生」了。

In witnessing Year 87 freshmen in green military-training uniforms strolling all over the campus, it suddenly dawns on me that I am already an 「old hand」 in my third year.

悄立在朋友般親切的35號樓下，不由地感到有些茫然若失……

In standing silently at the familiar ground floor of Unit #35, I can』t help but feel at a loss…..

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秋天，是成熟的季節了。

Autumn is the season of maturity.

我似乎應該對你說點兒什麼，北大。

PKU, I am unsure what I should say to you.

不是已經和你朝夕相處整整兩年了嗎？

Haven』t we been keeping close company with each other days and nights for two whole years?

不是已經長成亭亭少女、就要度過自己的16歲生日了嗎？

Is it necessary that a grown-up, refined teenage-girl has to pass her own sixteen-year-old birthday soon?

但平時常在嘴邊的歌這會兒全都沉默了。

All the songs which I regularly sing a few bars have gone dead.

我望著熟悉而又陌生的你，北大，兩年里積攢下來的那麼多話，竟全部悄悄沉澱了下來。

In looking at the familiar yet distant you, PKU, all those questions which I have amassed for two years have quietly been shoved to the back burner.

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才進校門，高年級同學就帶著我們參觀北大圖書館。

The moment I set foot on the PKU campus for the first time, senior students brought us along to visit the university library.

當時，好像還看了一個介紹圖書館的紀錄片。

It seemed I watched an introductory documentary on the library at that time.

入學之初那句頗為雄壯的誓言——「我不僅為北大感到驕傲，也要讓北大為我感到自豪」——在圖書館大樓的映襯下驟然顯得蒼白無力。

The somewhat awe-inspiring oath pledged to the university at initiation went like this: 「Not only that I』m proud of PKU, but I will also make PKU proud of me.」 The oath, however, was dwarfed in comparison to the grandeur of the library edifice.

我緊閉著嘴，心頭湧起一種近乎絕望的感覺：400萬冊圖書！實在難以想像。

I was speechless at being overwhelmed by the unimaginable collection of four million books in the building.

而其中我所讀過的，大概連這個數目字的最小的零頭都不到吧！

What I had read did not amount to even the smallest round-off residual of this number.

不知怎麼，我回憶起了1983年在青島過夏令營時發生的一件事情：

For reasons unknown, an incident which happened in the 1983 Qing Dao summer camp came to mind.

記得那時燈已熄了，我們在黑暗裡躺在床上，隨意聊著天兒。

I remember light went out at the time and we were chitchatting lying in bed in the dark.

我和領隊的那個女老師正說得津津有味，

Between the female teacher in-charge and I, we were having an interesting conversation.

我上鋪的女孩卻忽然哭了起來。

Suddenly the girl at the upper deck of my bunk bed started crying.

我們驚訝地問她怎麼了，

In surprise we asked her what it was all about.

她嗚咽著答道：「你們知道得那麼多，可我什麼也不懂……」

She sobbed and said: 「The two of you know so much, but I know nothing…」

如今，我和女老師的談話早忘得一乾二淨了，可那女孩子的嗚咽反倒長久而清晰地留存在心中。

To this date I have completely forgotten what my conversation with the teacher was all about, but the sobbing of the girl has remained clear in my mind for a very long time.

當我隨著面孔尚未記熟的新同學一起走出圖書館的時候，我似乎剛剛理解了那因為自己的無知而抽泣的女孩……

When I walked out of the library with newly acquainted schoolmates, it seemed I could empathize with the girl whose sobbing was caused by her own ignorance.

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自從小心翼翼地佩戴上那枚白色校徽起，北大就不再是照片上的影像，不再是車窗外一掠而過的建築，不再是小女孩心中珍藏的夢想，

Since the moment I carefully started wearing the white school badge, PKU has no longer been an image in photo, a passing structure outside of bus window, or a treasured dream in the mind of a little girl.

而成了需要用全部清醒的意識來對付的、不折不扣的現實。

It is a hardened reality that I have to deal with by applying every effort of my waking mind.

假如一生可以被分成許多階段，那麼與北大的際遇，便是又一個新的開始。

If my lifetime could be divided into many stages, the turn of event in entering PKU was a brand new beginning.

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可不，是開始——開始做美得有點迷離的夢，開始對從未涉足過的世界進行探尋。

Sure enough it was a start—the start to make a dream so beautiful it was hazy, and to explore a world I had never set foot on.

當我在圖書館裡一排一排落上了些許灰塵的書架間徜徉，我覺得自己就像是童話里的女孩，懷著激動不安的心情啟開了閃閃發光的仙宮大門，

When I wandered around rows of rows of slightly dust-coated bookshelves in the library, I felt I was a little girl in a storybook who had just excitedly yet stirringly opened the glitzy front gate of a fairyland kingdom.

有時，並不急著翻檢借閱，

Sometimes I was in no hurry to go through titles or check out books.

只在書垛給我留出的窄窄小徑上慢慢地走來走去，以目光撫愛每冊圖書。

Instead, I simply sauntered in the narrow aisles between stacks of books and caressed each volume with my eyesight.

中文的、英語的，都在以互不相同的沉默的聲音，向我發出低低的絮語和呼喚。漸漸地，

Chinese and English books whispered softly to me and called my name in different unspoken voices.

我的心情也變得和它們一樣：沉靜，愉悅，安詳。

Gradually my mood became harmonized with theirs—calm, joyous and serene.

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就這樣，簡單而又美好地，北大為一個渴望以有限的生命擁抱永恆的小女孩打開了一扇神奇的窗子，

Just like that in an austere and wonderful manner, PKU opened a magical window for a little girl who wished to embrace eternality with a limited life.

從這微風吹拂的窗口，透進一片純潔的真理之光。

Through this window softly brushed by breeze, unadulterated rays of truth were let through.

宇宙與人開始以全新面目向我揭示和呈現，

Universe and mankind were revealed and presented to me in a new light.

我開始思索，開始疑問，開始摒棄，開始相信。

I began to ponder, query, exclude, and believe.

北大為我展示了一個動人的新世界，在這令我驚喜的天地里，我渴望生活，渴望創造，渴望有一副輕靈的翅膀，擺脫這沉重的肉體的束縛，在無際的天空自由地飛翔！

PKU showed me a brand new world just so that in this pleasingly surprised realm, I began to crave for living, creating, and possessing a pair of wings with which I could liberate myself from the burden of this weighty body and fly freely in the blue yonder.

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喜歡讀北大的書，更喜歡讀北大的人。

I love to read PKU books, and even more I love PKU students.

有時，我特別願意靜靜地站在圖書館閱覽室的門口，看那些伏案讀書者專註而入迷的神情；

Sometimes I particularly like to stand quietly by the door of the library』s study room and watch absorbed expressions of students leaning over desks.

也願意一邊走向第三教學樓，一邊聽身旁經過的人高聲爭論著什麼問題——

I also like to eavesdrop on arguments of issues from people walking alongside me on my way to the third floor lecture halls.

吸引我的，往往不是他們爭辯的題目，而是北大人特有的敏感，學生特有的純潔，言談的犀利與機智，精神狀態的生機勃勃；

What fascinate me are not topics of their arguments, but the uniqueness in PKU people』s sensitivity along with its students』 innocence in demeanor, sharpness in dialogues, and vivaciousness in spirits.

更願意站在廣告欄前，一張一張細細地讀那些五顏六色的海報，為的是永不厭倦地重溫北大清新自由的氣氛。

As well I like to stand in front of the bulletin board and thoroughly read those multi-color posters so that I could untiringly be reminded of PKU』s refreshing and liberal campus atmosphere.

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寫到這裡，不由吐了吐舌頭，因為北大老師們的肖像，也一視同仁地留在了我的寫生畫冊上：

When I write to this point, I can』t help but mischievously stick out my tongue because portraits of PKU lecturers, without exception, appear in my sketch album.

有的紳士風度，有的和藹可親，這個怪僻，那個瀟洒，或於談笑風生間「檣櫓灰飛煙滅」，或於古樸凝重之中形成另一番風格……

These teaching staff members come in all types: gentleman-like, kind, approachable, quirky, handsome, etc. In handling their thorny tasks, some are relaxed and humorous, while others are old-school and serious.

我喜歡由這些親切的手牽引著走上令人耳目一新的通幽曲徑，我喜歡師生之間那種平易而自然的關係。

I enjoy their personal guidance in imparting new knowledge and easygoing manners in fostering teacher-student relationship.

嚴謹治學，誠懇做人，我第一次體會到了「老師」二字的真正含義。

Their meticulousness in tutoring and sincerity in demeanor have helped me realize, for the first time, the true meaning of 「teacher」.

我常想，北大就是一條生命飽滿的河流，它從九十年前的源頭出發，向那充滿希望的未來流淌。

In my mind, PKU, which is a vivacious river initiated ninety years ago, will continue to flow towards the future full of promises.

儘管兩岸風景變換，河上卻始終有著渴望渡向美麗彼岸的船客，也有著代代相傳的辛勤的舵手與船工。

Despite changing sceneries on both sides of the water, there are always river-crossing passengers wishful for the Promised Land on the opposite shore beside hereditary boat-hands and captains toiling for the expeditions.

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哦，北大，北大，你委於我心的實在是太多，太多。

Oh my PKU, what you have entrusted to me is too heavy a load.

因此，當有人問我大學兩年收穫了什麼又失落了什麼的時候，你叫我怎能以輕巧的「得失」二字，來衡量這因浸透了汗水、淚水與歡笑而格外充實的時光？

So when people ask me what I have gained and lost during the past two years in university, how can you ask me to loosely use 「pluses and minuses」 to gauge the particularly fulfilling times during which there have been boatloads of sweat, tears and laughter?

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「 沒有什麼使我停留/除了目的/縱然岸旁有玫瑰、有綠陰、有寧靜的港灣/我是不系之舟。」

「Nothing can make me stay other than the destination, even though there are roses, tree shades, and peaceful coves. I am a boat tied to nowhere.」

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不止一次把這些詩句悄悄念給你，北大。

PKU, I have whispered these poem-lines to you more than once.

千言萬語，有時只能凝聚為這最濃最濃的幾行。

Messages from thousands of words sometimes can only be condensed into a few most pertinent lines.

是的，我是一隻不系之舟，

Yes, I am a boat tied to nowhere.

曾經那樣安恬地依偎在未名湖的臂抱里，但我的心無時無刻不在嚮往大海的波濤。

Once I complacently cozied up to the arms of a no-name lake but at no time that I have not yearned for waves of the ocean.

我沒有忘記我的誓言，

I have not forgotten my oath.

我渴望發現新的大陸，渴望從海洋深處為你、北大，擷取最燦爛的珍珠。

PKU I have longed to discover new world and fetch glittering pearls for you at deep sea.

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不過，自七歲起便結識便熱愛的地方是永遠無法忘記的。

However, a place which I have acquainted with and compassionate about since I was seven years old can never be wiped out of my mind.

「讓我俯首感謝所有星球的相助」，為了我能在北大校園裡度過一生中最美好的時期。

「Let me bow to thank the help of all stars」 for being allowing me to spend the most wonderful times of my life in the campus of PKU.

正是在北大，我從那個無憂無慮的小女孩，一步一步艱難地走向成熟。

It was precisely in PKU that I have gone from a worry-free little girl through arduously progressive steps to maturity.

北大早已不僅僅是哺育我的母校，它是師長，是朋友，

PKU has become not only my nurturing mother-school, but also a mentor and a friend.

是我的一部分，一部分的我。

It is one of my parts, and partially an integral part of me.

它珍藏在內心最柔軟的角落裡，

Inside the most delicate corner of my heart is where it is treasured.

流淌在我的血液里，和愚蠢又美好的少年的回憶一起，永遠無法分割開來。

It is flowing in my blood and has integrated as an inseparable part of my youthful memories with both the silly and delightful ones..

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「啊，也許有一天意志是我，不系之舟是我。縱然沒有智慧，沒有繩索和帆桅。」

「Oh, maybe one of these days I will dictate the will and the tied-to-nowhere boat—even though there are no wisdom, no rope and no sail mast.」

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是的，總有一天，北大，我也會離你而去。

Yes, PKU, finally the day will come when I have to leave you and go my own way.

你卻永遠年輕著，微笑著，

Forever you』ll be youthful and smiling.

擁抱一代又一代青年人的夢想，激勵一屆又一屆學子的抱負，也撫慰一年又一年桃李開落的惆悵。

You will continue to embrace dreams of youths in generation after generation, bolster aspirations of graduates of crop after crop, and console melancholy of departing/starting students year after year.

那麼，我還會回到你的身邊來，是夢是真，又有什麼相干！

I will return to your side, and it doesn』t matter whether it』s going to be in dream or reality.

我只要像當初一樣，在老朋友般的三十五樓下小立片刻，

I only want to be like the old days when I would stand for a brief moment at the ground floor of Unit #35.

那麼我相信，所有逝去的歲月都會重新開花結果，所有往昔的夢幻都會再現，

Then I believe all those efforts in bygone years would again come to fruition and all those old dreams would once more turn into reality.

我將不顧頭上蒼蒼的白髮，再次像個十六歲的女孩那樣，輕依在你湖光塔影的胸前……

Like a sixteen-year-old girl, I would ignore my headful of gray hair and softly snug to your chest with lake reflections of lights and tower-shadows.

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1987年10月於燕園

October 1987 at Garden Yan

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附註：

(1) 「come across」

「Come across」 is a common idiom meaning finding someone or something by chance.