隱形貧困、積極廢人、口頭胖子、野生KOL，這些突然流行的新人設，你是哪一種？

來自專欄 滬江英語

這兩天突然有個新詞火了，那就是「積極廢人」。

一時間滬江君的朋友圈像是街邊的電線杆，被貼滿了白紙黑字的小廣告，而且貼的還是同一張圖，就是這個：

An active loser is someone who loves setting goals publicly but can never achieve them. These people are mentally active and aspirant but acting totally as losers do in practical terms. They usually start to panic after their intermittent indulgences and often feel guilty for being so lazy.

嗯~

打擊面很廣的嘛。

為了讓大家更直觀地理解這個人設，我們還是來舉3個例子吧。

@Linda：從過年之後就一直在喊「要減肥了！」，還把微信頭像改成了「不瘦十斤不換頭像」，而且還去公司旁邊新開的健身房辦了一張好貴的年卡，她覺得自己會因為心疼這個錢而堅持鍛煉。不過她到現在只去了一次，而且只間歇性地跑了10分鐘，更要命的是她每次加班後還要用一杯全糖的1點點來安慰自己。事實上她去年已經辦過一張4000塊的健身年卡了，總共只去了8次，每次健身成本500塊，然後，她現在比過年後又胖了3斤。嗯，積極廢人式減肥無疑了。

@Jackie： 一直揚言說要練出一口倫敦腔的英語，也多次在公開場合對英式口音發表了無數溢美之詞，不過他在開心詞場上連續背單詞的最高紀錄只有3天，abandon 背了800遍，之前花幾千塊錢報的口語課程現在也半價掛到了閑魚上；學了20年英語，但現在能流利講出的也只有 Fine, thank you, and you? 嗯，積極廢人式學英語，合格。

@Lucy： 早已意識到自己與貧窮只有一線之隔，並且也早已下定決心要開始攢錢。不過她這個月還是把自己工資的2/3貢獻給了7個網紅淘寶店主+5家網紅餐廳+星巴克的新品+愛豆演唱會的票。嗯，積極廢人式存錢，鑒定完畢。

這都是有夢想、有野心的人啊。

是不是沁人心脾？短短4個字的概括力簡直不要太強大。

而除了積極廢人以外，這幾個月冒出來的新人設還真不少，來看看你見過幾種吧：

#1. 邋遢潔癖 lā tā jié pì

釋義：人前乾淨整潔又精緻。男的髮型清爽，白T恤發光，身上還有好聞的肥皂味；女的妝容完美，衣服上沒有一個褶子，還做了法式美甲。但他們家裡通常亂得像戰場，被子是直接堆在床上的，衣服是隨便亂放的；只要不出門，他們可以不洗頭、不洗臉、不刮鬍子。家裡的那道大門對他們來說不是一扇普通的門，而是一個跨越兩個世界的傳送門。

A Messy Mysophobiac is someone who only appears clean and sophisticated in the public. A male one usually has clean-cut hair and wears shiny white T-shirt and gives out a pleasant odour of soap. A female one usually wears perfect makeup and wrinkleless clothes and maybe even French manicure. But youll see a total mess if you enter one of thems home: The quilt would be just thrown on the bed. The clothes would be scattered all around. As long as they dont go out, they can skip washing hair, washing face and shaving. The front door of the house is not an ordinary door for them. Its a portal between two worlds.

#2. 隱形貧困人口 yǐn xíng pín kùn

釋義：這些人看起來每天有吃有喝有玩，生活質量還挺高，但實際上非常貧窮。他們花30塊喝一杯咖啡，他們花300塊去網紅餐廳打卡，他們花500塊買一件精品復古白T恤，他們花工資的一半租CBD旁邊的房子；他們的生活看起來非常富足，但他們每個月的賬戶餘額都清零。

The Invisibly Poor is those who appear to have a fantastic and high-quality life but actually are very poor. They spend 30 RMB for a cup of coffee, 300 for a chance to publicly announce they went to an Internet-famous go-to restaurant, 500 for a plain white vintage T-shirt, half of their monthly income for the rent of an apartment beside a CBD. It seems like their life are really affluent. But every month, the numbers on their balance sheets return to zeros.

#3. 野生KOL yě shēng tuō

釋義：他們是朋友圈的野生廣告人，只不過是不賺廣告費的那種。他們每天都在推薦各種品質良莠不齊的食品、餐廳、服裝、活動、旅遊目的地，為朋友們的消費升級操碎了心，其活躍程度令人膽寒。這些人絕對是這個商業社會的脊樑。

A Spontaneous Key Opinion Leader is a spontaneous advertising agent in your social network. They are not the kind that charge fees for the advertisements. They just spontaneously recommend all kinds of food, restaurants, fashion items, activities and travel destinations of quality which varies unstably in a wide range, day by day. They go out of their way to help their friends accomplish their consumption upgrade. Their enthusiasm can scare the hell out of you. No doubt, they are the backbones of this commercial society.

#4. 略懂先生 luè dǒng xiān shēng

釋義：他們似乎什麼都懂一點，並且迫切地想讓大家都知道他們懂一點。別人的談話如果涉及到他們知道的名詞，他們就會非常積極地插入對話並發表自己的觀點，並且他們並不在乎別人是不是想知道他們說的這些東西。

A Mr. Know-A-Bit is someone who seems to know a bit about everything and so eagerly wants everybody to know that they know a bit about it. Every time they overhear someone pronouncing a noun which they know a bit, they』ll actively step in the conversation and express their own opinions without caring about whether the others want to know what they』re talking about or not.

#5. 隨便女士 suí biàn nǚ shì

釋義：她們的口頭禪是「隨便」、「都可以」，看起來好像把選擇權都交給了你，但實際上你必須選到她們滿意。

A 『You Decide』 Lady is someone who always tells you 『You decide.』 or 『Anything can do.』 It seems like they give you the liberty to make choices for them. But in fact you have to make a choice that they find OK.

#6. 卧底富豪 wò dǐ fù háo

釋義：這些人成功地混跡在貧困人口當中，有時候還跟著一起哭窮，對各種窮人的自嘲段子了如指掌。不過他們卻常常在一些小物件不小心露富，說不定在杭州還有兩套地鐵房。這些人是隱形的人生贏家，他們就是以前上學時那種喊著「沒複習好」卻考了第一的人。

An Undercover Millionaire is a rich person who successfully blend in the poor and sometimes complain about how poor they are along with the real poor guys around them. But they often accidentally reveal their true financial status through some little items. You may even accidentally find that someone of them actually has two properties near subway stations in a city like Hangzhou. These are the invisible true winners. They used to be those kids in school who complained that they hadn』t prepared well for the exam but turned out to be the No. 1 in the rank afterward.

#7. 口頭胖子 kǒu tóu pàng zi

釋義：他們時長在抱怨自己的食慾，同時還會強調自己是吃貨，並且還經常說自己得減肥了。但他們其實並不胖，甚至還很瘦。

A Self-Claimed Fatty is someone who often complains about their own appetite and call themselves foodies. And they often announce that they really need to start losing some weight. But they are not actually fat. Some of them are even pretty skinny.

#8. 肌肉博士 jī ròu bó shì

釋義：肌肉博士可能沒有肌肉，也可能並不是博士，這只是一個統稱。它指的是那種把自己的愛好精進到極致，以至於與自己外表的人設嚴重割裂的人。比如她可能是個人淡如菊、話不多的白領小姑娘，但其實在王者榮耀開了3個號，而且3個都上了王者，玩遊戲前會先用微積分計算各個英雄的傷害能力再決定入手哪個英雄。當然，肌肉博士也的確可能是個有博士學位並練出了八塊腹肌和人魚線的單身男子。

A Muscular Doctor may not have much muscle and may not even have a doctoral degree. This is just an umbrella term which refers to those who reached an astonishingly high altitude in their hobbies and consequently have character settings that really look unlikely for their original identities. For example, it can be a little white-collar girl who seems totally not aggressive nor talky but secretly has 3 King-of-Glory accounts which are all in the highest rank. Before she plays a game, she』ll use calculus to calculate the damage capacities of the heroes and then decide which one to choose. And of course, it can also be a single man who owns a doctoral degree and at the same time six-pack and Apollo』s belt.

#9. 精老爺們 jīng lǎo yé mer

釋義：這是一幫絕對的直男，他們也刻意維持著直男的形象和穿著，但他們的精緻程度讓絕大多數女人和Gay都汗顏，不光會花大把的精力在穿衣和護膚上，而且還嚴格管理著自己的身材。他們的服裝雖然可能是基本款，但很有可能是花2小時選的；他們可能留著鬍渣，但那鬍渣是精修過的。另外，他們大多單身，因為身邊的女人實在趕不上他們的標準。

A Pro Dude is a straight guy who intentionally maintains a straight-guy appearance and dress code but also maintains a highly sophisticated lifestyle which will make most women and gay guys ashamed of themselves. He not only puts on considerable efforts in personal fashion and skincare, but also manage his own body shape really strictly. That outfit he wears may be a set of basic items, but chances are high that he spent 2 hours selecting them. There are maybe stubble on his face, but actually the stubble are carefully trimmed to be like that. Moreover, they are usually single, because the women around them are totally incapable of reaching these standards.

我的天，現代人的定位可真不少。

上面說的這9種新新人類你見過幾種？