在擇校時，父母如何不增加孩子壓力？

After years of working hard inside and outside of the classroom, months of college application tasks and an anxious waiting period, many students may be relieved after receiving a college acceptance letter in their mail; however, there may be one more task between them and the college student status.

For high school students and community college students who are admitted to multiple colleges, they may have to do additional research on those colleges if there is no clear-cut winner in their mind. While students are deciding their fate, parents could actually play a role in their child』s college decision since they have the comprehensive knowledge of their children. But, parents must not take control of the process. In order for children to fully buy-in into their college choice, it needs to be their choice.

經過多年的刻苦學習，數月繁重的大學申請任務和短暫卻又緊張的等候，許多學生在收到大學錄取通知書後， 終於能鬆一口氣了。然而，對於部分學生而言，還有這一道小小的關卡。這一道幸福而又煩惱的關卡就是：當你收到多個學校的錄取通知時，要在其中選擇最合適、最滿意的一所去就讀。

如果在被錄取的大學裡都沒有明顯的優勢（就是感覺這幾所大學的環境、師資、教學都差距不大），這就意味著學生需要對這些大學再做深入研究。 當學生們絞盡腦汁地想要選擇大學時，家長們其實能起到很大的作用。不過家長們切記在幫助孩子擇校時不能操控整個過程，必須以孩子的意願為主，這樣更利於他們在大學校園的自我發展。

So, what exactly could parents do during this process? And, how can AAE help parents communicate with their children better in this subject?

那麼，家長們在這過程中到底該幹什麼？ 其中AAE能在其中給予什麼幫助？

Parents need to acknowledge that choosing a college with several options on hand not only is an exciting but also stressful process for the students. The reason for being exciting is that those offers are from colleges students had shown interest in, and those acceptance letters are colleges』 recognition for children』s academic dedication in the past. Considering students would have to reject multiple colleges in the process, it』s understandable the excitement comes with the price of stress. Therefore, one of the best things parents could do for their children during their college decision process is to avoid putting extra pressure on the students. And we have a few tips for parents to achieve this goal.

家長們應該充分了解擇校過程對於准大學生而言是充滿壓力的。 雖然同時被多所申報高校錄取是一件可喜之事，但這也意味著准大學生們要同時拒絕多所他們曾心儀的大學。所以，家長需多加體諒，不要給他們添加額外的壓力，以下有幾條建議是可以幫助家長避免這一問題的。

First and foremost, parents must be supportive when it comes to their children making an independent decision impacting their future.

It could be a frightening idea for parents to let their 18~20 years old children make this decision especially when it has a lasting effect on the students; however, parents should know that their children, who are about to study or are already studying in a foreign country, are capable of taking care of themselves, and they had and will demonstrate their capability when they started their study at a foreign nation. Hence, it』s best for parents to show their trust and believe early in order to let their children feel confident about themselves.

Also, if one parent or both parents had a studying abroad experience，parents should share their own experience with their children. Furthermore, if their alma mater was among children』 choice, parents should restrain themselves from pressuring their children to choose these particular colleges because of a family connection.

首先，家長們該支持准大學生們做出他們自己的決定。

擇校，是一件影響孩子們一生的決定，家長們的擔憂是可以理解的。但家長也需謹記，你們眼中17，18 或19，20歲的孩子即將前往國外讀大學，或者已經在國外讀了幾年的高中，他們是有能力辨清是非和照顧自己的年輕人。如果家長們對自己的子女沒有信任，就不可能讓孩子走出國門，獨自在異國他鄉學習深造。既然家長是對孩子有信心的，那麼家長在選擇大學這一決定上就該尊重孩子的選擇，讓孩子對自己也感到自信。

還有一點，如果家長本身就有過留學的經驗，可以與孩子交流自己當初的擇校過程。但若留學生家長的母校也是孩子的候選學校之一，千萬不要因為母校這一原因影響了孩子的最終選擇。

In addition to showing support, parents are advised to not compare your children to their peers. It doesnt matter if your children only received two or three college acceptance letters from ten colleges they applied to and your children』s friends or your friends』 children received four or five out of ten. It also doesn』t matter if some colleges overlooked and rejected your children but offered an acceptance letter to your children』s friends. None of the peer comparisons should be a matter when it comes to the college decision. So, parents should not bring this kind of things up to their children, and they should even guide their children to overlook this issue if their children had shown signs of caring about it. Both students and parents should understand that every student is unique and have different passions and interests, so they need to eliminate detrimental outside factor, like peer comparison, in this crucial process.

第二， 在選校時，切忌孩子之間的比較。也許你的孩子只收到了他/她申請的10所大學中的3所大學的錄取通知書，而同期別人家的孩子收到了5封。又或者，你的孩子和別人家的孩子都申請了同一所大學，而這大學只錄取了別人家的孩子。 以上種種的確存在，可是他們並不重要，也不代表自己孩子的劣勢。因此，家長們不要在大學公布錄取後進行比較，而應該開導自家可能計較此類事情的孩子。須知每個學生都是獨立的個體，有著他們各自不同的興趣愛好，所以千萬不能讓一時的對比影響到孩子的選擇。

Last but not least, parents shouldn』t pester their children. It』s annoying and will definitely stress students out when they are asked whether they had made their final decision or not every other day. Considering there are only two to three weeks for students to make their choice, constantly asking the same question may pressure the student to make a rash decision that they may regret later. Since there is a deadline for the student, parents shouldn』t just sit idly by.

For example, families can pick one night a week to have an in-depth conversation about college decision, such as the pros and cons of each school, and parents only need to check in with their children briefly and periodically outside of the scheduled time to make sure their children are making progress toward a final decision.

最後， 家長還需記得避免煩擾孩子。家長的過度關心與經常詢問，孩子會感到煩躁。從接收到大學錄取通知到做出最後選擇，孩子通常有2-3周的時間做出選擇，而這段時間孩子們還要繼續上課和做作業，因此由家長引起的壓力有可能會使孩子做出未經詳細思考的決定。

因此，家長們應該在特定的時間，例如周六晚飯後，與孩子對各個大學進行交流，討論各學校的長處與短處，讓孩子進行獨立的思考。當然，這擇校是有截止日期的，家長需要在適合的時候簡短地詢問孩子做決定的進度，起到一個督促的作用。

Once parents are able to employ the above suggestions, students should feel less stress coming from their parents.

若家長們好好運用我們提供的建議，他們就能儘可能地減少孩子身上來自他們的壓力。

Parents of AAE students would have more tools to relieve their children』s stress. Since opening the China division of AAE, we have sent countless students through the same process, and lots of former AAE students may be currently enrolled in one of the colleges being considered by your children, like UC Berkeley， UCLA and UC San Diego.

It would be easy for parents to talk to those experienced AAE students, and let those fellow AAE students share their college experience and decision-making experience with the future college student. AAE parents could also ask other AAE parents whose children had gone through the same process years ago for advice, and adjust their own actions accordingly.

作為AAE學生的家長，為孩子減壓的方法就更多了。自從AAE在中國開辦分校以來，已經有眾多學生和家長經歷了這一過程，並且有不少AAE學生現正就讀於UC名校里，例如UC Berkeley，UCLA 和 UC San Diego等。

所以，對於AAE家長來說，他們非常容易找到過來人給他們的孩子分享選校的經驗，而且能讓在讀的學長們為孩子分享他們在大學裡的經歷和感受，讓孩子多一些參考。家長們也能參考其他家長的經歷來調節自己的做法，來幫孩子做出最適合他的選擇。

PS: The deadline for final college decision are: May 1st for Freshman, June 1st for Transfer

備註：最終決定的截止日期通常為：大學1年級新生，每年5月1日；大學3年級轉校生，每年6月1日。