雅思作文批改第六彈: 小孩學外語是不是越小越好

這位同學沒有提供題目 ... 幸好馬哥是老司機 ...

審題:

1. 題干: 很小就學習外語, advantages/disadvantages, 沒有陷阱

2. 結構：開頭段 + 劣勢/優勢 + 劣勢/優勢 + 結尾段

3. 觀點：優點: 更好的掌握, 開發興趣, 建立學習習慣

缺點: 相對於學習其它知識效率較低, 學了不能用

開頭段

①Nowadays, learning a foreign language become a trend for more and more people. ②Some experts hold the view that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. ③Though,there are many both advantages and disadvantages on this opinion, i believe the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.

[1] 這句話其實沒必要, 直接列舉觀點, 表明態度即可.

[2] rather than 後面 at 不能省

[3] on this opinion 比較奇怪, 然後 the benefits 改成 its benefits, 然後可以改得更有連貫性一些

綜合: Some people hold that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than at secondary school. I agree with them as its benefits outweigh the drawbacks though there are also some disadvantages given.

主體段一

①It is no doubt that, what children need is creative, happiness and expand thinking. ②People who harbour the view of kids should not learn the second language at primary school must agree that, learning early will restrain the imagination of children. ③Whats more,they already have several courses to learn at primary school. ④What actually they need is to spare time to cultivated interesting such as sports,music or painting.

這一段的問題 a. 觀點沒選對, 如果考官覺得學語言也可以促進創造思維, 讓人快樂怎麼辦. b. 表達方式問題. 要記得先出觀點.

試了一下, 在從前句子的基礎上改不出來. 重新寫一下

[1] One major disadvantage of learning foreign languages for small children is that it would not provide what they are badly in need of --- joy, expansion of horizon and training for critical thinking abilities. [主要我沒明白什麼是expand thinking] Instead, learning foreign languages restrains their imagination. 我只是說格式是這麼寫, 觀點該以這種形式表達, 不代表我覺得這個觀點可以成立哈.]

[2] Therefore, some people argue that kids should be spared the time of learning foreign languages for doing what interest them, such as sports, music and painting.

主體段二

However,the ability of studying things and developing of ones mind is interact with each other.It is the fact that, small children learn a new language faster than those who have been programmed by mother tongue. They remember things faster and more effectively. When they study the new language,their minds will also develop at the same time.That is helpful for them to become creative and even got more skills in the future.Moreover, if they learn it at primary school,it may set a connect to the later knowledgement. It is really good for them to adapt in a new environment as well a successful beginning.

這也得重新寫

However, children should be trained to speak and lesson to a foreign language as early as possible since they are better language learners than those who have been programmed by mother tongue. The early they begin to learn, the better they can mater the language. 然後再寫moreover後面的觀點, 但是我沒很看懂後面的觀點

Overall, it seems that teaching children a foreign language as soon as possible has more benefits than drawbacks as it allow them to learn the language better.

Task Response 5.0 實際上考試時這篇大概只有4.5分,不過我這裡最低給學生打5分的, 為了不打擊人. 觀點很勉強 表達也很模糊

Coherence & Cohesion 5.0 用了連接詞, 但邏輯沒有表達清楚。表達邏輯更重要的是句子的內容， 連接詞只是一個標記。

Lexical Resources 5.0用到點子上的表達不多

Grammar Accuracy 5.0 語法還行吧， 雖然也有錯的

Overall 5.0

這位同學重點是要學會每個觀點把中心句寫出來, 這樣表達會清晰很多, 考官也不會因為第一時間沒明白你的觀點而給一個超低的分數.