【SAT寫作批改】《Air Conditioning Will Be the End of Us》

馬上考試了，為了讓學生找感覺，統一要求紙質版限時練習

1. 開頭段結尾的技巧句忘記啦，"The author successfully conveys his argument through the usage of XX, XX and XX"

2. Evidence段寫得有點短，如果是來得及，可以考慮再寫一個Evidence技巧點分析

3. emotional appeal分析角度有點偏啊，修辭技巧點分析一般強調對於情感上的影響，跟evidence和reasoning角度分析還是有一定區別的，也就是根據具體什麼diction或者手法表達什麼情感，主旨作用和讀者作用通常分不開。最後一自然段結構上的作用也可以再說說

以下是修改版本：

Eric Klinenberg, in 「Viewpoint: Air-Conditioning Will Be the End of Us.」, reveals the adverse effect of relying too much on air-conditioners. However, no sufficient rules of regulations are issued to stop the situation. His purpose of writing this article is to call on readers to spend less time using air-conditioners. Through the usage of fact, concession, and emotional appeal, the author ingeniously conveys his argument.

The author begins his article by raising fact. Now Americans still hold a wrong opinion about using air-conditioners, as they 「still believe that the wise way to use air conditioners is to crank them up, cooling down every room in the house.」 The author further argues that this behavior is 「dumb」, because 「today Americans use twice as much energy for air-conditioning as [they] did 20 years ago, and more than the rest of the world』s nations combined.」 Through the fact, the author cogently points out that now Americans are using the air-conditioners in a wrong way and should adjust their attitude towards it, hoping to raise the public』s awareness to the problem. On seeing the fact, readers may feel astonished as they may always hold the unwise opinion mentioned; the author enables them to reflect over themselves and pay attention to the situation. In addition, the utilization of fact adds credibility to the argument and introduces the topic of the article.

Then, the author smartly incorporates a concession in paragraph 2 and 3 to build up his argument. He acknowledges the importance and benefits of air-conditioners as they can 「save the lives of old, sick and frail people, enhance productivity in offices and make factories safer for workers who might otherwise wilt in searing temperatures」. However, people』s habit of using it is indefensibly inappropriate. By employing the analysis of concession, the author stresses out that people should change their habits and convinces the readers on both sides of the argument. The readers, therefore, will have the opportunity to perceive the issue in multiple perspectives and find the author unbiased, for he doesn』t blindly support his claim without considering the positive impact of air-conditioners. Also, the reasonable concession highlights the central claim that people should reduce using air-conditioners.

What』s more, in the end of the article, the author appeals to emotion. He warns that it is 「one of our biggest environmental blind spots」 to neglect the consumption habit and over-control the hot weather by air-conditioners. 「blind spots」 not only reveals the seriousness of the problem, but also shows the author』s excessive concern. He is anxious that the wrong approach is still taken and worried about the environment. Furthermore, he calls on readers to take action by stating 「Let』s put our air conditioners on ice before it』s too late」, through which a strong sense of urgency is completely conveyed. Influenced by his emotion, the readers will come to stand firmly with the author. Also, in the last sentence the author restates the central claim that reduction on using air-conditioners is indispensable, add more power and appealing to the public.

Overall, the author successfully utilizes the essential fact, reasoning of concession, and a strong emotional appeal in his article. The readers, after finishing the article, will be fully convinced and agree that it』s necessary to depend on air conditioners less.

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