【SAT寫作批改】《US needs full-employment agenda》

04-23

本篇文章為學生SAT寫作主體段練習，主要集中在Evidence和Reasoning角度分析

In the beginning of the article, an authoritative fact about the president Franklin Delano Roosevelt is employed as a powerful evidence. Fdr boldly suggested that in the 「period of high unemployment and amid turmoil overseas」, an agenda for the full-employment had to be made as it would 「expand economic opportunity, strengthen the middle class and reduce inequality」. From fdr』s plan, the author skillfully proves the importance of a full-employment plan and calls for people』s attention. The fact also introduces the topic of the article——unemployment, leaving readers to consider the same problem in their own country.

這一段的分析不是很到位，作者在文章開頭三個自然段先說一下之前富蘭克林推行「Second Bill of rights」，以及它的目標「full employment」的作用是為了引出話題，通過歷史事實說明full-employment的有效性。分析時不要太套路，還是要引入具體思考。

修改版本：

In the beginning of the article, an authoritative fact about the president Franklin Delano Roosevelt is employed as a powerful evidence. Fdr boldly suggested that in the 「period of high unemployment and amid turmoil overseas」, an agenda for the full-employment had to be made as it would 「expand economic opportunity, strengthen the middle class and reduce inequality」. From fdr』s plan, the author skillfully proves that the 「Second Bill of Rights」 was a successful approach to reduce unemployment and bring back prosperity. the readers, especially those who are unemployed, may feel optimistic again and hope the congress will pass a similar act to solve their problem. The fact adds to the article』s credibility and introduces the topic of the article, as a thread making the whole passage more cohesive.

Unbiased data is incorporated by the author in the 4th paragraph to portray that a large number of people, actually 「50 million people, including 13 million children」, are living in poverty. Citing the statistics, the author objectively states the miserable living condition of the poor, conveys a sense of sympathy to them, and strongly demands the congress to learn from the former congress to do something for the society so as to return to the full employment. The readers are able to have a direct view on the embarrassing economic condition of the country, feeling that reducing unemployment problem is vital.

（本篇文章Statistics的比例其實比較低，更多的說理和講事實，考試的時候其實不建議寫，可以把筆墨更集中在體現文章main features的部分）

In the 5th paragraph, facts are utilized to build up the author』s argument, illustrating that the congress followed fdr』s plan to issue acts, such as」 Employment Act in 1946」, 「the Humphrey-Hawkins Full Employment Act in 1978」, to reach the goal of 「promoting maximum employment」 .When using factual evidence, the author expresses his support to the legislation decades ago and hopes that today』s congress will learn from this approach to solve the unemployment problem nowadays .The readers will understand legislation as an effective way to reduce employment according to the facts given and agree with the author』s claim.

In paragraph 6, the author makes use of essential statistics to back up his claim. The statement 」 nearly 30million American workers either unemployed or underemployed」 accurately presents the seriousness of the unemployment problem in the country; while the congress has made the problem even worse as it has 「cost the country up to $700 billion in economic growth and more than 2 million jobs.」 From the data provided, the author stresses out the terrible condition of the problem and criticizes today』s congress』s inaction, hoping to raise its awareness to take more actions. The utilization of essential statistics adds credibility to the argument and infiltrates readers』 independent minds, enabling the readers to gain a full picture of the problem, feel concerned about the situation and be disappointed at the congress.

（其實我們在實際考試寫作當中一般會將這兩段結合起來，用Contrast的形式對比分析，拓展你分析的全面性。將兩個政府對於失業問題的不同態度對比，讀者可以很明顯地得出結論，過去的方法是正確的，現在的方法是有問題的。你可以先試一試把這兩段的內容合起來，用我們上課講的reasoning技巧點分析解釋一下）

修改版本如下：

In paragraph 5 and 6, the author uses comparison to help the readers evaluate which is the more efficacious way of maximizing employment. Decades ago, the congress followed fdr』s plan to issue acts, such as」 Employment Act in 1946」, 「the Humphrey-Hawkins Full Employment Act in 1978」, to reach the goal of 「promoting maximum employment」. However, today」 nearly 30million American workers are either unemployed or underemployed」 ; the congress has made the problem even worse as it has 「cost the country up to $700 billion in economic growth and more than 2 million jobs.」 Contrasting the problem in the past and the present, the author stresses out the current terrible condition of unemployment and criticizes today』s congress』s inaction, hoping that the congress will learn from the history. The contrast makes the different attitudes of the congresses apparent, guiding readers to make their own judgment on which method is better for the well-being of the nation.

學生剛學完evidence和reasoning概念和片段分析，一開始上手分析整篇文章的時候難免有點手忙腳亂，覺得處處都是重點，每一種技巧點都不忍捨棄。接下來的學習我會進一步指導她更好地做到技巧點取捨，不同技巧點的錯位和組合，當然還有必不可少的修辭。

學習都有過程，不可能一蹴而就，在老師的指導下一步一個腳印，搭建完整知識體系，提升眼力筆力，不出一個月學生都會有豁然開朗的感覺，分數提升也是水到渠成的事兒。