雅思作文批改第六彈 發展技術或教育

Some people think that the governments of developing countries should introduce new technology to improve the quality of life, while some people believe that the best way to is to develop education. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

審題:

1. 題干: 引入技術還是發展教育, Discuss，陷阱：發展中國家, 目的是為了改善人們生活

2. 結構：開頭段 + 科技 + 教育 + 結尾段

3. 觀點：科技優點: 生產效率，生活便利

教育優點: 人才輸送，就業

開頭段

①Nowadays, developing countries are meeting several urgent issues introducing technology and supporting education. ②While people debate about the superiority of one over the other，I think there should not be an exclusive answer.

[1] 這個表意錯誤, 實際上在需要做出選擇

it』s urgent for many developing countries to make a choice between introducing advanced technologies and developing educational undertakings.

[2] exclusive answer 這是一個奇怪的表達

I think either way it can help enhance people』s well being.

綜: Nowadays, it』s urgent for many developing countries to make a choice between introducing advanced technologies and developing educational undertakings. I think either way it can help enhance people』s well being.

主體段一

①On behalf of technology priority，the public has noticed that technology could promote economy rapidly. ② In a decade，even less，advanced technology from developed countries will totally changed the poor and starveling face of developing ones. ③ Moreover，undeveloped countries need to strengthen national defense to strive for rights in this competitive world，which requires science rather than humanity.

[1] technology priority 不通啊, 這一段講技術的好處嘛, on behalf of technology足夠了

然後 這裡是中國學生常出的一個問題, 只說是什麼, 不說為什麼. the introduction of new technology could promote economy rapidly as technological breakthroughs can often create business opportunities and boost productivity in numerous fields.

[2] 我知道你這裡是想說技術短期裡帶來改變, 而教育是長期的事, 但沒有表述對.

可以用Taking advantages of the technological support from developed countries, underdeveloped countries may lift their people out of poverty and hunger in a short term. 教育的 In comparison, developing education will not be paid off immediately.

[3] 把strive for rights 的strive 去掉, 後面用 international community, 感覺這個觀點有點勉強.

主體段二

①As for the importance of education，there is no substitute for the quality of citizens.② Developing countries can not rely on aid programs or nurture independent abilities from local education. ③Actually，only by investing education can they solve the inherent problems of poverty.

[1] quality of citizens 這個太勉強了. 就是要說教育的重要性嘛.

Talent matters for the prosperity of a country and only quality school education can provide a steady stream of talent.

[2]這一句也表意不全

Developing countries can not take off solely on aid programs or natural resources.Their sustainable development must build on brainpower from local education.

[3] 倒是不用怎麼改 但是investing 後面要加 in

綜: Talent matters for the prosperity of a country and only quality school education would provide a steady stream of talent. Therefore, developing countries can not take off solely on aid programs or natural resources. Their sustainable development must build on brainpower from local education. Only by investing in education can they shake off poverty.

結尾段

①In my opinion, technology and education are mutually beneficial. ②Technology guides the direction of education，which is aimed to its development. ③In consequence，the government should consider national conditions and keep a balance between these two issues.

[1]這句沒問題

[2] 這句有點不知所云 education efficiency can benefit from the use of technological means and a mature education system can bring technological advance in a long-term perspective.

[3] 不是national conditions 而是their reality, 然後不是keep a balance, 而是strike a balance between the development of the two issues.

Task Response 5.0

實際上考試時這篇大概只有4.5分,不過我這裡最低給學生打5分的, 為了不打擊人

看得出來基本沒練過 ,也沒人跟你說過要怎麼寫, 雅思考試不僅要說是什麼, 還要說為什麼

主體段每一段開頭就要說你這一段講的是什麼(主體段),然後說為什麼你這麼說, 然後可以舉例子, 然後還可以用反證

Coherence & Cohesion 5.0

沒什麼連接詞, 邏輯沒有表達清楚。

Lexical Resources 5.0

用到點子上的表達不多

Grammar Accuracy 5.0

語法倒是還行

Overall 5.0