矽谷最有權勢的女人演講：最終塑造你的, 是你走過的那些艱難 | 中英雙語

04-09

英國知名作家，諾貝爾獎獲得者William Golding曾說過這樣一段話：

I think women are foolish to pretend theyre equal to men. They are far superior and always have been.
我認為女人假裝男女平等真是太傻了，事實上女人比男人優秀多了，而且一直如此。

女性在我們這個世界是偉大的，給予你生命的就是她們，所以不管你有多麼成功跟偉大，尊重理解女性，都是最基本的、必須的和應該的。

今天菌菌要推薦的是雪莉·桑德伯格（Sheryl Sandberg）在加州伯克利大學的畢業演講。雪莉·桑德伯格是全球最成功的女性之一，Facebook首席運營官扎克伯格的左膀右臂，美國薪酬最高的女高管，她也是第一位進入Facebook董事會的女性成員。

她被美國媒體譽為「矽谷最有影響力女人」，身居福布斯百強女性榜第5名，《時代周刊》的封面人物，並被評為全球最具影響力的人物。

然而，正當她事業蓬勃發展的時候，他的丈夫卻撒手人寰。2016年在加州伯克利大學的畢業演講是她第一次在公眾面前談論起這個事情，她說，最終塑造你的是你走過的那些艱難。

完整視頻請戳：這裡

/ 雪莉桑德伯格演講節選 /

Thank you, Marie. And thank you esteemed members of the faculty, proud parents, devoted friends, squirming siblings.
謝謝瑪麗。謝謝尊敬的老師們、自豪的父母、忠誠的朋友們，各位同仁。
Congratulations to all of you…and especially to the magnificent Berkeley graduating class of 2016!

祝賀所有人……尤其是伯克利2016級的畢業生們！
It is a privilege to be here at Berkeley, which has produced so many Nobel Prize winners, Turing Award winners, astronauts, members of Congress, Olympic gold medalists…. and that』s just the women!
在伯克利求學是一件幸事，這裡出過眾多的諾貝爾獎得主、圖靈獎獲得者、宇航員、國會議員和奧運會金牌得主……而且都有女性！
Today is a day of thanks. A day to thank those who helped you get here—nurtured you, taught you, cheered you on, and dried your tears. Or at least the ones who didn』t draw on you with a Sharpie when you fell asleep at a party.
今天應該感謝。要感謝幫助你們一步步走到這裡的人，感謝培養你，教導你，鼓勵你，為你擦過眼淚的人。至少也該感謝你在聚會上睡著後沒用記號筆在你臉上亂畫的小夥伴們。
Today is a day of reflection. Because today marks the end of one era of your life and the beginning of something new.
今天應該沉思。因為今天意味著你生命中一個時代結束，一個新時代開始。
Today will be a bit different. We will still do the caps and you still have to do the photos. But I am not here to tell you all the things I』ve learned in life. Today I will try to tell you what I learned in death.
但今天會有點不一樣。或許你們還是會扔帽子，還是會拍很多照片。但我今天不想傳授生活方面的經驗，而是想講講從親人離世後的領悟。
I have never spoken publicly about this before. It』s hard. But I will do my very best not to blow my nose on this beautiful Berkeley robe.

我以前從未公開談論過這件事，其實很難說出口。我會盡量控制住情緒免得哭出來，弄髒這件漂亮的伯克利長袍不太好。
One year and thirteen days ago, I lost my husband, Dave. His death was sudden and unexpected. We were at a friend』s fiftieth birthday party in Mexico. I took a nap. Dave went to work out. What followed was the unthinkable—walking into a gym to find him lying on the floor. Flying home to tell my children that their father was gone. Watching his casket being lowered into the ground.
一年零13天前，我的丈夫戴夫去世了，很突然也很意外。我們去墨西哥參加朋友的50歲生日聚會。我睡了個午覺，戴夫去鍛煉。接下來的事完全不可想像，我走進健身房看見他躺在地板上。後來我坐飛機回家將這個不幸的消息告訴了孩子們，最後親眼看著他的棺材下葬。
Dave』s death changed me in very profound ways. I learned about the depths of sadness and the brutality of loss. But I also learned that when life sucks you under, you can kick against the bottom, break the surface, and breathe again. I learned that in the face of the void—or in the face of any challenge—you can choose joy and meaning.
戴夫的死深刻地改變了我。我終於明白了什麼叫切膚之痛，也體會到痛失所愛的殘酷。但我也明白了，當生活給你當頭一棒，墮入悲傷之海，你能做的就是奮力游向水面，大口呼吸。我明白了，即便悲傷至空虛，或是面對巨大挑戰，你仍然可以選擇快樂和有意義的生活。
I』m sharing this with you in the hopes that today, as you take the next step in your life, you can learn the lessons that I only learned in death. Lessons about hope, strength, and the light within us that will not be extinguished.
我跟你們分享親人離世的感受，是希望能在你們走上社會時就能理解失去的痛苦，明白什麼是希望、力量和心中永不熄滅的火苗。
You will almost certainly face more and deeper adversity. There』s loss of opportunity: the job that doesn』t work out, the illness or accident that changes everything in an instant. There』s loss of dignity: the sharp sting of prejudice when it happens. There』s loss of love: the broken relationships that can』t be fixed. And sometimes there』s loss of life itself.
生活中總會碰到很多難處理的事。有時錯失機會：工作不合適，遭遇疾病或事故因而一切瞬間改變。有時尊嚴盡失：刻薄的偏見常常刺痛人心。有時緣盡人散：親密關係一旦破碎就難重圓。有時不僅是生離，還要面臨死別。
The question is not if some of these things will happen to you. They will. Today I want to talk about what happens next. About the things you can do to overcome adversity, no matter what form it takes or when it hits you. The easy days ahead of you will be easy. It is the hard days—the times that challenge you to your very core—that will determine who you are. You will be defined not just by what you achieve, but by how you survive.

問題不是這些事情會不會發生，它們遲早都會來的。我想說的是發生之後怎麼辦，不管什麼困難也不管具體什麼時候遭遇，關鍵是怎樣從困境中振作起來。其實只有經歷了真正難捱的日子，被逼到崩潰邊緣，你才能真正了解自己。要發掘真實的內心，不僅要看取得的成就，更要看逆境中如何奮起。
We all at some point live some form of option B. The question is: What do we do then?
我們總會碰到不盡如人意只能用B計劃的時候，問題是：該怎麼面對？
As a representative of Silicon Valley, I』m pleased to tell you there is data to learn from. After spending decades studying how people deal with setbacks, psychologist Martin Seligman found that there are three P』s—personalization, pervasiveness, and permanence—that are critical to how we bounce back from hardship. The seeds of resilience are planted in the way we process the negative events in our lives.
可能有點矽谷的職業病吧，我想說走出挫折也要科學對待。心理學家馬丁塞利格曼（Martin Seligman）研究幾十年後發現，從苦難中振作起來關鍵是做到三點——不要過分自責（personalization）、不要過分解讀（ pervasiveness）以及不要以為傷痛永遠不褪（permanence）。挺過生活中一次次打擊，才能慢慢磨鍊出韌性。
The first P is personalization—the belief that we are at fault. This is different from taking responsibility, which you should always do. This is the lesson that not everything that happens to us happens because of us.
不要過分自責，就是說不要把悲傷的原因攬到自己身上。承擔責任是應該的，但是痛苦時不要過分情緒化，要清楚一件事，並不是所有的壞事都是自己造成的。
The second P is pervasiveness—the belief that an event will affect all areas of your life. You know that song 「Everything is awesome?」 This is the flip: 「Everything is awful.」 There』s no place to run or hide from the all-consuming sadness.
第二條不要過分解讀，就是不要篤定壞事一定會影響生活中每個角落。有一首歌叫《一切都是極好的》，反過來就是《一切都是可怕的》。人們常常會以為悲傷大過天，根本無處可逃。
The child psychologists I spoke to encouraged me to get my kids back to their routine as soon as possible. So ten days after Dave died, they went back to school and I went back to work. I remember sitting in my first Facebook meeting in a deep, deep haze. All I could think was, 「What is everyone talking about and how could this possibly matter?」 But then I got drawn into the discussion and for a second—a brief split second—I forgot about death.

我跟兒童心理學家聊了之後，他讓我儘快恢復孩子們的日常習慣。戴夫去世十天後，他們回到學校，我則回到工作崗位。我記得回去上班後頭一次開會，精神都是恍惚的。我心裡想的都是，「他們都在說什麼，這些小事有什麼好說的？」但後來我加入討論，說著說著突然有那麼一瞬，我好像忘記了死亡的悲痛。
That brief second helped me see that there were other things in my life that were not awful. My children and I were healthy. My friends and family were so loving and they carried us—quite literally at times.
那短暫的一瞬讓我明白，生活中還有一些事沒那麼糟糕。畢竟，我跟孩子們都很健康，親朋好友都那麼關心支持我們，那段時間真的多虧他們撐著我才沒垮。
The third P is permanence—the belief that the sorrow will last forever. For months, no matter what I did, it felt like the crushing grief would always be there.
第三條是不要以為傷痛永遠不褪，就是相信痛苦會一直繼續。戴夫去世後有幾個月，無論我做什麼都能感覺到令人窒息的悲傷，而且從來沒有減輕的跡象。
We often project our current feelings out indefinitely—and experience what I think of as the second derivative of those feelings. We feel anxious—and then we feel anxious that we』re anxious. We feel sad—and then we feel sad that we』re sad. Instead, we should accept our feelings—but recognize that they will not last forever. My rabbi told me that time would heal but for now I should 「lean in to the suck.」 It was good advice, but not really what I meant by 「lean in.」
我們總是覺得當前不好的感覺會無限延伸，而且不良情緒還會滋生副產品。我們感到焦慮，然後因為焦慮而焦慮；感到傷心，然後因為傷心而傷心。實際上，我們應該誠實面對自己的感覺，然後認清事實，其實所有感覺都不會永遠持續。我的拉比（猶太教里的精神導師——譯者注）說，時間會治癒一切，我也得學會「向前一步」。這是個好建議，不過我寫書時說的「向前一步」其實不完全是這個意思。
None of you need me to explain the fourth P…which is, of course, pizza from Cheese Board.
其實還有第四個原則，就是美味的披薩，不用解釋了吧……
But I wish I had known about the three P』s when I was your age. There were so many times these lessons would have helped.

言歸正傳，我真的很希望在你們這個年齡就知道這三條原則。許多時候，這些經驗都很有用。
The three P』s are common emotional reactions to so many things that happen to us—in our careers, our personal lives, and our relationships. You』re probably feeling one of them right now about something in your life. But if you can recognize you are falling into these traps, you can catch yourself. Just as our bodies have a physiological immune system, our brains have a psychological immune system—and there are steps you can take to help kick it into gear.
這三條原則針對的是我們遇到許多事情後常見的反應，不管是事業上，個人生活里，還是人際關係中。沒準你現在就正在經歷一些挫折。不過，如果你能清醒地發現陷阱，還有自救的機會。我們的身體里都有免疫系統，其實大腦里也有精神免疫系統，只是要用點辦法才能啟動。

最後，菌菌把她寫在《向前一步》里的一段話，送給所有的女性。

希望你保持獨立姿態，自尊自愛，自信自在，勇於打破年齡的枷鎖，不懼容顏的衰老，也懂得享受生活，活出真我。

內容整理自網路