II-XXV-MMXVIII

本來說好退乎一段時間的。但受到巨大衝擊，還是想把這些負能量倒出來。

我是真的怕了。以前更多是覺得國內的環境對少數群體不友善，加上以後打算從事的行業在國內風氣不好，也很難做。現在我是真的怕，還有什麼是不可能發生的啊。

之前虛張聲勢的ex叫囂讓我別想踏入國境，我倒是很感謝她的祝福。我也不想啊。

焦慮又回來了。這下我是決然不能回國的了，像我之前的想法里所說，

Victim of autocracy, the minority has always been. If I were straight and cisgender, I could at least manage to undergo all of these, for my family is sustainable and friends abundant. Yet I am not and unfortunately I have little interest in the well-being of neither the country nor the people, but that of about whom I care, and above all, myself. Alas, should I fail to stay abroad, or to cast away my current citizenship, the only option left is a sullen death.

於是又開始在白天嗜睡，可以預見今天晚上還會失眠。

我真的很喜歡我的家鄉。sunset有一家蘇味館，每次心情不好就會去那邊吃一頓。雖然是很正宗，可是那邊的餛飩還是離憶秦園差好許多，也沒有蟹粉小籠。

Nontinhall, Nontinhall, my beloved hometown with many a river and ten thousand camphor trees... I see its rivers in my dreams, bathed within sunlight of myriad hues - and the camphor trees, ever so tender and vivacious. Nontinhall - what could protect you from that monstrosity stiring in the north? What could protect me if I retreat to your bosom?

我愛我的家鄉，家鄉是我的母親。而我有一個娶了26個妻子的繼父。我對他的恐懼日益加深。