浮世萬千,吾愛有三。

【轉】讀到一首英文小詩,很美,

作者:Eugene Chen (yannanchen)

I love three things in this world.

Sun, Moon and You.

Sun for morning, Moon for night, and You forever.

原以為英文已經很美了,直到看到中文的翻譯。醉了!

浮世三千,吾愛有三。

日,月與卿。

日為朝,月為暮,

卿為朝朝暮暮。

  • 以下為我評:

沒有最美,只有更美。簡即美, 中英皆然。Beauty of brevity 是也。 英文還可改進以求音節更短更對稱。Short words are best, and old words when short are the best of all. (Winston Churchill)

I love three things in this world.

Sun, Moon and You.

Sun for day,

Moon for night,

and You for good.

或者

I love three things in this world.

Sun, Moon and You.

Sun for morn,

Moon for night,

and You for good.

  • 中文也有改進的餘地:

浮世三千,吾愛有三。

(此間三與三千的重複有必要嗎?)

日,月與卿。

(這與卿 兩字有傷雅之嫌,不妨刪去,換為卿卿我我的卿卿二字,平添纏綿。)

卿為朝朝暮暮

(做相應修改,為可刪,前已出現兩次,不言自明。連用三次疊字,不絕如縷!)

浮世萬千,吾愛有三。

日,月,卿卿。

日為朝,月為暮,

卿卿朝朝暮暮。


推薦閱讀:

DF208翻譯對比:立秋後題(杜甫)
一句話翻譯分享(醫學類)(5)
West Lake is as captivating as Beauty Xi Shi---飲湖上初晴後雨(蘇軾)
商務現場翻譯常見的誤區有哪些
DF206翻譯對比:無家別(杜甫)

TAG:英文詩歌 | 英語翻譯 |