浮世萬千,吾愛有三。
03-08
【轉】讀到一首英文小詩,很美,
作者:Eugene Chen (yannanchen)
I love three things in this world.
Sun, Moon and You.
Sun for morning, Moon for night, and You forever.原以為英文已經很美了,直到看到中文的翻譯。醉了!浮世三千,吾愛有三。日,月與卿。
日為朝,月為暮,卿為朝朝暮暮。
- 以下為我評:
沒有最美,只有更美。簡即美, 中英皆然。Beauty of brevity 是也。 英文還可改進以求音節更短更對稱。Short words are best, and old words when short are the best of all. (Winston Churchill)
I love three things in this world.
Sun, Moon and You.
Sun for day,
Moon for night,
and You for good.
或者
I love three things in this world.
Sun, Moon and You.
Sun for morn,
Moon for night,
and You for good.
- 中文也有改進的餘地:
浮世三千,吾愛有三。
(此間三與三千的重複有必要嗎?)
日,月與卿。
(這與卿 兩字有傷雅之嫌,不妨刪去,換為卿卿我我的卿卿二字,平添纏綿。)
卿為朝朝暮暮
(做相應修改,為可刪,前已出現兩次,不言自明。連用三次疊字,不絕如縷!)
浮世萬千,吾愛有三。
日,月,卿卿。
日為朝,月為暮,
卿卿朝朝暮暮。
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