【托福寫作批改】TPO46綜合寫作

03-08

The passage mainly talks about the advantages of storing patient』s medical records in electronic databases over traditional paper-based record keeping. The lecturer refutes the idea by saying that the benefits are actually uncertain.

First, the passage puts forward the point that electronic medical records will reduce costs of storing and transferring. On the contrary, the lecturer casts doubt on this point and contends that the cost savings are unlikely as significant as the reading passage suggests. Since most doctors still keep the paper records as an emergency backup or for legal reasons. So most doctors still have to pay storage costs associated with paper-based record keeping.

Second, another crucial point in the read part is that the use of electronic medical records will help reduce the chances of mistakes and errors. Conversely, the lecturer challenges this point by saying that the electronic records can』t eliminate the possibility of errors. She claimed（claim） that the doctors will still use pen and paper while examining patients. It is usually the office staff of a doctor who will enter the information at a later time from the handwritten documents into electronic systems. Therefore, making mistakes and errors is inevitable.

Lastly, the writer of the passage claims that electronic medical records will be beneficial to medical research through obtaining a great amount of data from patient records. Whereas the lecturer insists an opposite opinion that access to all medical information is subject to strict privacy laws in the USA. Researchers who want to collect data from electronic medical records have to follow the restriction and obtain many permissions including patient permissions along the way.

這篇文章整體不錯，兩個小問題，第一個是claim的時態出錯，另一個是第三個聽力分論點細節不足。