個人譯作分享：深陷困境中的納粹後代

原文鏈接：Living with a Nazi name

譯文鏈接：BBC：納粹的遺產：深陷困境中的後代-龍騰網

本譯文由本人於2012年5月25日首發於龍騰網，謹以此紀念在龍騰網無私奉獻的崢嶸歲月！

The names of Himmler, Goering, Goeth and Hoess still have the power to evoke the horrors of Nazi Germany, but what is it like to live with the legacy of those surnames, and is it ever possible to move on from the terrible crimes committed by your ancestors?

希姆萊，戈林，高斯還有胡斯，這些名字至今依然可以喚起人們對於納粹德國的恐懼，這些姓氏究竟會給他們的後人帶來怎樣的影響，他們能否走出其先人所犯下的罪行陰影呢？

When he was a child Rainer Hoess was shown a family heirloom.

當賴納·胡斯還是個孩子時，家人向他展示了一件傳家寶。

He remembers his mother lifting the heavy lid of the fireproof chest with a large swastika on the lid, revealing bundles of family photos.

他記得母親打開了一個鑲有巨大納粹十字標誌的保險柜的厚重櫃門，向他出示了一些家庭合影。

They featured his father as a young child playing with his brothers and sisters, in the garden of their grand family home.

從照片上他看到那時他的父親還是一個小孩子，在一個大宅院的花園中和他的兄弟姐們一起玩耍。

The photos show a pool with a slide and a sand pit - an idyllic familysetting - but one that was separated from the gas chambers of Auschwitzby just a few yards.

照片上還記錄著一方帶滑梯的游泳池還有一片沙灘——一個田園牧歌般的宅院——但是這裡距離奧斯維辛集中營的毒氣室僅有幾步之遙。

His grandfather Rudolf Hoess (not to be confused with Nazi deputy leaderRudolf Hess), was the first commandant of Auschwitzconcentration camp. His father grew up in a villa adjoining the camp, where heand his siblings played with toys built by prisoners.

他的祖父魯道夫·胡斯（可不是那位納粹二號領袖魯道夫·赫斯），是奧斯維辛集中營的第一任指揮官。他的父親是在集中營旁邊的別墅中長大的，他和兄弟姐們曾在那裡玩著犯人們為他們製作的玩具。

It was where his grandmother told the children to wash the strawberriesthey picked because they smelled of ash from the concentration camp ovens.

他的祖母告訴孩子們摘到草莓後一定要洗凈再吃，以避免他們聞到粘在草莓上的集中營焚化爐飛出骨灰的味道。

Rainer is haunted by the garden gate he spotted in the photos that went straight into the camp - he calls it the "gate to hell".

賴納一直糾結於在照片中位於集中營深處的花園大門——他將其稱為「地獄之門」。

"Its hard to explain the guilt," says Rainer, "eventhough there is no reason I should bear any guilt, I still bear it. I carry theguilt with me in my mind.

「這種負罪感難以言表，」賴納說，「儘管我對這一切不必負任何責任，我依然承受著這一切。內心裡我一直深懷愧疚。」

"Im ashamed too, of course, for what my family, my grandfather,did to thousands of other families."

「當然，我也對我家人，我祖父給成千上萬家庭所帶來的痛苦感到慚愧。」

"So you ask yourself, they had to die. Im alive. Why am I alive?To carry this guilt, this burden, to try to come to terms with it.」

「所以我常常捫心自問，他們死去了，而我卻活了下來。為什麼我能活下來？永遠背負著道德的枷鎖並試圖忍受這一切。」

"That must be the only reason I exist, to do what he should havedone."

「替祖父做他本該做的事情，我想這就是我活下來的唯一原因。」

His father never abandoned the ideology he grew up with and Rainer nolonger has contact with him, as he attempts to cope with his familys guilt andshame.

他的父親從未拋棄過伴隨其成長的意識形態，因此賴納早已不再和他聯繫並準備獨自承擔家族所犯下的罪行與恥辱。

For Katrin Himmler, putting pen to paper was her way of coping withhaving Heinrich Himmler in her family.

凱瑟琳·希姆萊則選擇以紙面的形式承認其與海因里希·希姆萊的血緣關係。

"Its a very heavy burden having someone like that in the family,so close. Its something that just keeps hanging over you."

「家族中出了這樣的人渣對於所有人來說都是一個極大的負擔，他與你的血緣關係是如此的親近。這就使得你一直籠罩在某種陰影之中。」

Himmler, key architect of the Holocaust, was her great-uncle, and hergrandfather and his other brother were also in the Nazi party.

大屠殺的主要策劃者希姆萊是她的姑老爺，她的祖父以及另一個姑老爺也是納粹黨員。

She wrote The Himmler Brothers: A German Family History, in a quest to"bring something positive" to the name of Himmler.

她為希姆萊兄弟作傳：一部德國家族史，並試圖為希姆萊這個姓氏帶來一點「積極的色彩」。

"I did my best to distance myself from it and to confront itcritically. I no longer need to be ashamed of this family connection."

「我儘可能客觀公正的批判這一切。我不希望再與這個恥辱的家族有任何聯繫。」

She says the descendants of the Nazi war criminals seem to be caught between two extremes.

她認為納粹戰犯的後裔們似乎被陷入兩個極端之中。

"Most decide to cut themselves off entirely from their parents so that they can live their lives, so that the story doesnt destroy them.

「為了自己的生活他們中的大多數斷絕了與父母之間的關係，所以他們對過去那些事情已經沒有什麼感覺了。」

"Or they decide on loyalty and unconditional love and sweep all the negative things away."

「或者他們決定用自己的忠誠與無私的愛來為家族洗刷一切負面影響。」

She says they all face the same question: "Can you really love them if you want to be honest and really know what they did or thought?"

她認為大家都面臨著同樣的問題：「如果你在真正了解到他們的所作所為後又想要做到問心無愧，你還會真心愛他們么？」

Katrin thought she had a good relationship with her father until shestarted to research into the familys past. Her father found it very hard to talk about it.

凱瑟琳表示在深入研究家族過去之前她一直與父親保持著非常好的關係。她的父親覺得過去的那些日子真的難以啟齒。

"I could only understand how difficult it was for him when I realizedhow difficult it was for me to accept that my own grandmother was a Nazi.」

「當我認識到接受自己祖母是納粹有多難之後，我才真正體會到父親的難處。」

"I really loved her, I was fond of her, it was very difficult whenI found her letters and learned that she maintained contact with the old Nazisand that she sent a package to a war criminal sentenced to death. It made mefeel sick."

「我真心的愛她喜歡她，但當我發現她與老納粹分子來往的信件以及她寄給一個被判處死刑的戰犯的包裹時我感到很難接受。這使我感到很噁心。」

Trying to find out exactly what happened in her familys past was hard for Monika Hertwig. She was a baby when her father Amon Goeth was tried andhanged for killing tens of thousands of Jews.

對於莫妮卡·赫特威悉來說確切了解其家族過去的嘗試真是難上加難。當她還是一個嬰兒的時候她的父親阿蒙·高斯絞殺了成千上萬的猶太人。

Goeth was the sadistic commander of Plaszow concentration camp, but Monika was brought up by her mother as if the horrors had never happened.

虐殺成性的高斯曾是普拉紹夫集中營的指揮官，但是莫妮卡是由媽媽撫養大的，因而對於她而言殺戮似乎從未發生。

As a child she created a rose-tinted version of her father from family photos.

童年時有關父親的印象只能通過家庭合影來重現，在莫妮卡幼小的心靈當中父親的形象是那樣的完美。

"I had this image I created [that] the Jews in Plaszow and Amon were one family."

「我一直想像著在普拉紹夫猶太人與我父親一定是其樂融融的生活在一起。」

But in her teens she questioned this view of her father and confrontedher mother, who eventually admitted her father "may have killed a few Jews".

但隨著心智的成熟她開始質疑自己的這種想法並質問她的母親，母親最終承認他的父親「可能殺過幾個猶太人」。

When she repeatedly asked how many, her mother "became like a madwoman" and whipped her with an electric cable.

當她反覆地問究竟殺了幾個時，母親「開始變得瘋狂起來」並用一條電纜抽打她。

It was the film Schindlers List that brought home the full horror ofher fathers crimes.

電影《辛德勒的名單》讓她徹底認識到了父親犯下的所有罪行。

Goeth was played by Ralph Fiennes and Monika says watching it "was like being struck".

影片中高斯是由著名影星拉爾夫·費因斯扮演的，莫妮卡表示她被這部片子「深深地觸動了」。

"I kept thinking this has to stop, at some point they have to stop shooting, because if it doesnt stop Ill go crazy right here in this theatre."

「我不停的在想這一切必須停止，有時他們必須中止播放，因為如果電影不中斷的話我在電影院中就要抓狂了。」

She left the cinema suffering from shock.

離開電影院後她感到深受打擊。

For Bettina Goering, the great-niece of Hitlers designated successor Hermann Goering, she felt she needed to take drastic action to deal with herfamilys legacy.

對於希特勒的指定接班人赫爾曼·戈林的侄孫女貝蒂娜·戈林來說，她覺得必須採取一些激進手段來終結這份家族遺產。

Both she and her brother chose to be sterilized.

她和他的兄弟都選擇了絕育。

"We both did it... so that there wont be any more Goerings,"she explains.

「我們都做了手術…所以將來不會再有戈林家族的後人了，」她解釋道。

"When my brother had it done, he said to me I cut the line."

「我弟弟做完手術後對我說：『我斷了家族血脈』。」

Disturbed by her likeness to her great-uncle, she left Germany more than 30 years ago and lives in aremote home in Santa Fe, New Mexico.

相貌與她姑老爺頗為相像使得貝蒂娜非常苦惱，她在30多歲的時候就離開了德國並移居到了新墨西哥州聖塔菲的一個偏遠地區居住。

"Its easier for me to deal with the past of my family from thisgreat distance," she explains.

「遙遠的距離使我能夠更容易地處理自己與家族過去的關係，」她解釋道。

While Bettina decided to travel far from the site of her relativescrimes, Rainer Hoess decided he had to visit the heart of his familys shame - Auschwitz.

貝蒂娜選擇遠離其親人犯下滔天罪行的地方，而賴納·胡斯則決定造訪其家族恥辱的核心——奧斯維辛。

As a child he was not allowed on school trips to Auschwitzbecause of his surname, but as an adult in his forties, he felt the need toface "the reality of the horror and the lies Ive had all these years inmy family".

當他還是一個孩子的時候，由於自己的姓氏學校不允許他和其他同學一起參觀奧斯維辛，但是作為一個四十多歲的成年人，他覺得是時候去直面「恐怖的現實以及揭穿家人間這些年來一直口口相傳的謊言」。

Seeing his fathers childhood home he broke down and kept repeating theword "insanity".

看到了他父親童年的家後，他崩潰了，不停地重複著「瘋狂」這個詞。

"Its insane what they built here at the expense of others and thegall to say it never happened."

「他們用別人的血汗錢在修建了這一切之後居然還厚顏無恥的說這些從未發生過，真是瘋狂！」

He could not speak when he saw the "gate to hell". In thevisitors centre he encountered the raw emotion of descendants of camp victims.

當看到「地獄之門」後他感到無言以對。在遊客中心他與一位集中營受害者的後人相遇並敞開心扉。

One young Israeli girl broke down as she told him his grandfather hadexterminated her family - she could not believe he had chosen to face them.

一個以色列小女孩情緒失控地對他說他的祖父殺害了她幾乎所有的家人——她不敢想像他居然會選擇面對這一切。

As Rainer spoke about his guilt and shame, a former Auschwitzprisoner at the back at the room asked if he could shake his hand.

當賴納說出他的負罪感以及愧疚之情後，房間後面的一位前奧斯維辛囚徒問他是否可以與其握手。

They embraced as Zvika told Rainer how he gives talks to young people,but tells them the relatives are not to blame as they were not there.

他們擁抱在了一起，斯維卡告訴賴納他是怎樣對年輕人講述這段歷史的，那就是告訴他們戰犯的親人不必為那些他們沒有犯下的罪行而感到自責。

For Rainer this was a major moment in dealing with the burden of hisfamilys guilt.

對於正苦於承受家族罪行折磨的賴納來說這無疑是一個重要時刻。

"To receive the approval of someone who survived those horrors and knows for sure that it wasnt you, that you didnt do it.

「得到那些在悲劇中倖存者的認同並肯定了這不是你的錯，你沒有犯下這些罪惡。」

"For the first time you dont feel fear or shame but happiness,joy, inner joy."

「第一次你不再感到恐懼與慚愧，而是幸福與喜悅，內心的喜悅。」