【精彩演講】艾倫：Stay true to yourself

03-04

艾倫·德詹尼斯，1958年1月26日出生於美國路易斯安納州梅泰里，美國主持人、演員。憑藉出眾的詼諧幽默的口才和喜劇天賦，活躍在電視電影等多個領域。艾倫風趣自然的風格似乎與生俱來，她在杜蘭大學的演講延續了自己的幽默風格，艾倫拆分了 commencement，在「笑果」十足的短短演說中透漏了自己艱辛的成長曆程，讓人從中受到很大鼓舞，她還給畢業生們以誠懇的建議，讓畢業生收益匪淺。

Thank you, President Cowan, Mrs. President Cowen;distinguished guests, undistinguished guests—you know who you are, honored faculty and creepy Spanish teacher.

尊敬的考恩校長，校長夫人，尊敬的嘉賓——你們知道自己是誰，不用介紹了，尊敬的老師們，還有令人害怕的西班牙語老師，感謝你們！

And thank you to all the graduating class of 2009, I realize most of you are hung over and have splitting headaches and havent slept since Fat Tuesday, but you cant graduate till I finish, so listen up.

尊敬的所有杜蘭大學2009屆畢業生們！我知道你們絕大多數人還因為宿醉而頭痛欲裂，狂歡到今天都還沒有睡覺。但沒聽完我演講不能畢業，所以要注意聽了。

When I was asked to make the commencement speech, I immediately said yes. Then I went to look up what commencement meant. Which would have been easy if I had a dictionary, but most of the books in our house are Portias, and theyre all written in Australian. So I had to break the word down myself, to find out the meaning.

當我應邀來發表畢業演講時，我毫不猶豫就答應了，然後我才去查畢業典禮是什麼意思。如果我有字典的話就輕鬆多了，但我家大多數的書都是波西米亞的，而且都是澳式英語，所以我得自己拆分單詞，摸索它的意思。

Commencement: common, and cement. Common cement. You commonly see cement on sidewalks. Sidewalks have cracks, and if you step on a crack, you break your mothers back. So theres that. But Im honored that youve asked me here to speak at your common cement.

commencement 由 commen 和 cement 構成，意思是「常見的水泥」。在人行道上你常看見水泥。人行道上有裂縫，你踩到了裂縫，撞傷了你媽媽的背。意思就是這樣。但是我很榮幸應邀給你們做「常見的水泥」演講。

I thought that you had to be a famous alumnus—alumini—aluminum—alumis—you had to graduate from this school. And I didnt go to college here, and I dont know if President Cowan knows, I didnt go to any college at all. Any college. And Im not saying you wasted your time,or money, but look at me, I"m a huge celebrity.

我本以為要夠有名，必須要是校友才能來。我沒在這兒上過大學，而且，不知道考恩校長知道不知道，我完全沒念過大學。任何一所大學。我不是說你們在浪費時間和金錢，看看我，我可是超越成功的名人。

Although I did graduate from the school of hard knocks, our mascot was the knockers. I spent a lot of time here growing up. My mom worked at Newcome and I would go there every time I needed to steal something out of her purse. But why am I here today? Clearly not to steal, youre too far away and Id never get away with it.

但是我確實從歷經磨難的生活這所學校畢業了，我們的吉祥物就是磨難和挫折。我在此度過了許多成長歲月。我媽媽在紐科姆工作，每當我需要從她的錢包里偷偷拿些東西的時候，我都會去找她。但今天我為什麼來到這裡呢？很明顯我不是想要偷你們的錢，你們離我太遠了，而且我也跑不了。

Im here because of you. Because I cant think of a more tenacious, more courageous graduating class. I mean, look at you all, wearing your robes. Usually when youre wearing arobe at 10 in the morning, it means youve given up. Im here because I love New Orleans. I was born and raised here, I spent my formative years here, and like you, while I was living here I only did laundry six times.

我來這兒是因為你們。沒有比你們更堅韌更勇敢的畢業生了。我是說，看看你們每一個人都身著學士袍。通常在早上10點還穿著睡袍，說明你們已經放棄人生了。今天我來到這裡，因為我熱愛紐奧良，我在這裡出生，在這裡長大，在這裡度過了年少歲月。和你們一樣，我在這裡生活時，只洗過六次衣服。

When I finished school, I was completely lost. And by school, I mean middle school, but I went ahead and finished high school anyway. And I—I really, I had no ambition, I didnt know what I wanted to do. I did everything from—I shucked oysters, I was a hostess, I was a bartender, I was a waitress, I painted houses, I sold vaccuum cleaners, I had no idea. And I thought Id just finally settle in some job, and I would make enough money to pay my rent, maybe have basiccable, maybe not, I didnt really have a plan, my point is that, by the time I was your age, I really thought I knew who I was, but I had no idea.

當我畢業後，我完全迷失了。我指的學校是初中，但是我接著上學，念完了高中。但我當時真的沒有什麼野心，不知道自己想做什麼。我什麼都做。我剝過牡蠣，當過迎賓員，做過酒保、服務員，粉刷過房子，賣過吸塵器。我完全不知道自己想做什麼。我想隨便找個工作穩定下來，只要有足夠的錢付房租，可能有一台電視也可能沒有。我完全沒有計劃。我要說的重點是，我像你們這麼大的時候，我真的以為我了解自己，但其實並不了解。

Anyway, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, and the way I ended up on this pathwas from a very tragic event. I was maybe 19, and my girlfriend at the time was killed in a car accident. And I passed the accident, and I didnt know it was her and I kept going, and I found out shortly after that, it was her.

總之，當時我不知道自己的一生要幹什麼，最後因為一件十分悲慘的事情，我找到了自己的目標。可能是在19歲時，我的女朋友在一次車禍中身亡。我經過事故現場時不知道是她，就繼續走，但不久我就發現，那就是她。

And I was living in a basement apartment, I had no money, I had no heat, no air, I had a mattress on the floor and the apartment was infested with fleas.And I was soul-searching, I was like, why is she suddenly gone, and there are fleas here? I dont understand, there must be a purpose, and wouldnt it be so convenient if we could pick up the phoneand call God, and ask these questions.

當時我住在地下室的公寓里，我沒有錢，沒有暖氣，沒有新鮮空氣，只是在地板上鋪一個墊子，房間里到處都是跳騷。我感到困惑不已，我在想，「為什麼她突然走了？為什麼我住在滿是跳騷的屋子裡？」我無法理解，但一定有理由的，要是能直接拿起電話問上帝不是太好了嗎？

And I started writing and what poured out of me was an imaginary conversation with God,which was one-sided, and I finished writing it and I looked at it and I said to myself, and I hadnt even been doing stand-up, ever, there was no club in town. I said, "Im gonna do this onthe Tonight Show With Johnny Carson"—at the time he was the king—"and Im gonna be the first woman in the history of the show to be called over to sit down." And several years later, I was the first woman in the history of the show, and only woman in the history of the show to sit down, because of that phone conversation with God that I wrote.

於是我開始些東西，腦海中湧現出一段與上帝的對話，那是只有我一個人的獨白。寫完之後，我看著我寫的東西，對自己講話。那時，我還沒有開始做單人脫口秀節目，因為當時紐奧良沒有俱樂部。我說，我將要在「今夜秀」上和約翰尼·卡森一起表演這一段。他當時是主持界大王，我將成為該節目史上第一個被他訪問的女性。數年之後，我成了該節目史上第一位，也是唯一一位和約翰尼一起坐下被訪問的女性，全是因為我寫的「與上帝打電話對話」的劇本。

And I started this path of stand-up and it was successful and it was great, but it was hard,because I was trying to please everybody and I had this secret that I was keeping, that I wasgay. And I thought if people found out they wouldnt like me, they wouldnt laugh at me.

從此我開始做單人脫口秀節目，非常成功，非常棒，但也非常艱難，因為我想取悅每一個人，我守著自己是同志的秘密，我想每個人要是發現我是同性戀，就不會喜歡我了，還會嘲笑我。

Then my career turned into—I got my own sitcom, and that was very successful, another level of success. And I thought, what if they find out Im gay, then theyll never watch, and this wasa long time ago, this was when we just had white presidents—this was back, many years ago—and I finally decided that I was living with so much shame, and so much fear, that I just couldnt live that way anymore, and I decided to come out and make it creative.

接著，我有了自己的喜劇，也很成功，更進一步的成功。我又在想，要是人們發現我是同性戀了，該怎麼辦？他們再也不會看我的節目了。這是很早以前事情，你們可能不知道，這是我們的總統還是白人的時候，那是多年前的事了。我最後決定，我一直都是帶著羞恥和恐懼而活，我不能再這麼活著了。我最終決定將這個秘密公之於眾，要有創造性。

And my character would come out at the same time,and it wasnt to make a political statement, it wasnt to do anything other than to free myself up from this heaviness that I was carrying around, and I just wanted to be honest. And I thought, "Whats the worst that could happen? I can lose my career". I did. I lost my career. The show was cancelled after six years, without even telling me, I read it in the paper. The phone didnt ring for three years. I had no offers. Nobody wanted to touch me at all.

同時也要將我真實的個性展示出來，不是為了政治，也不是為了其它原因，只是要把我從背負已久的沉重的枷鎖中解脫出來。我只是想要誠實。我想不會有更慘的事情了。失去演繹事業嗎？結果我真的失去了我的演藝事業。我的節目在做了六年後，沒有告訴我就停播了。我是看了報紙才知道的。家裡的電話三年沒有響過，沒人想讓我做節目。沒人願意碰我。

Yet, I was getting letters from kids that almost committed suicide, but didnt, because of what I did. And I realised that I had a purpose. And it wasnt just about me and it wasnt about celebrity, but I felt like I was being punished... it was a bad time, I was angry, I was sad, and then I was offered a talkshow. And the people that offered me the talkshow tried to sell it. And most stations didnt want to pick it up. Most people didnt want to buy it because they thought nobody would watch me.

然而我接到了想要自殺的孩子的來信，他們因為我所做的而沒有自殺。我才知道我活在世上是有目的的，不僅是因為我，不僅僅是因為我是名人，我感覺我是在受懲罰。那段時間很艱難，我很憤怒，也很難過，接著有人找我做脫口秀節目。製作單位努力想要賣齣節目，但大多數的電視台都不想要。大多數人都不想要，因為他們認為沒人想看我的節目。

Really when I look back on it, I wouldnt change a thing. I mean, it was so important for me to lose everything because I found out what the most important thing is, is to be true to yourself.Ultimately, thats whats gotten me to this place. I dont live in fear, Im free, I have no secrets.and I know Ill always be ok, because no matter what, I know who I am.

當我回首這些往事的時候，我一點也不會改變。因為我發現，即使失去一切，最重要的是做真正的自己。最終，我來到了這裡。我不再恐懼，我感覺很自在，也不再有秘密，而且我知道一切都會很好的，因為無論如何，我知道我是誰。

So In conclusion, when I was younger I thought success was something different. I thought when I grow up, I want to be famous. I want to be a star. I want to be in movies. When I grow up I want to see the world, drive nice cars, I want to have groupies. To quote the Pussycat Dolls. How many people thought it was "boobies", by the way? Its not, its "groupies".

所以這還不是結論的結論，我年輕時，對成功有著不同的定義，我的志向是長大後要周遊全世界、開名車。有一批流行樂團歌迷，引用「小野貓」這個組合。有多少人聽成是「傻瓜」？並不是「流行樂團歌迷」。

But my idea of success is different today. And as you grow, youll realise the definition of success changes.

但今天我對成功的定義變了。你們長大後就會明白，對成功的定義是會改變的。

For many of you, today, success is being able to hold down 20 shots of tequila. For me, the most important thing in your life is to live your life with integrity, and not to give into peer pressure. to try to be something that youre not. To live your life as an honest and compassionate person. To contribute in some way.

你們長大後就會明白，對成功的定義是會改變的。你們中的許多人對成功的定義就是灌完20杯龍舌蘭烈酒。我認為，你們生活中最重要的事情就是要活得誠實正直，別屈從於同伴的壓力，把自己變成本不是的那個人。要活得誠實，有同情心，要在某個方面有所貢獻。

So to conclude my conclusion: follow your passion, stay true to yourself. Never follow anyone elses path, unless youre in the woods and youre lost and you see a path, and by all means you should follow that. Dont give advice, it will come back and bite you in the ass. Dont take anyones advice. So my advice to you is to be true to yourself and everything will be fine.

這是結論的結論，追隨熱情，忠於自我。永遠不要追隨別人的腳步，除非你在森林裡迷了路才能這麼做，那時你真的該這麼做。別給人忠告，它們會給你帶來麻煩。也別接受任何別人的忠告。那麼我要給大家的忠告是，做真正的自己，一切都會順利的。

And I know that a lot of you are concerned about your future, but theres no need to worry.The economy is booming, the job market is wide open, the planet is just fine. Its gonna begreat. Youve already survived a hurricane. What else can happen to you? And as I mentioned before, some of the most devastating things that happen to you will teach you the most. And now you know the right questions to ask in your first job interview. Like, "Is it above sea level?" .

我知道，在座的許多人都擔心自己的前途，但不用擔心。經濟正在急速增長，就業市場極為廣闊，地球也好得很。一切都會好的。你們經歷了颶風，還有什麼害怕的呢？我之前說過，從最慘痛的經歷中可以吸收很多教訓。現在你們知道在你們的第一次面試中該問什麼樣的問題了吧？比如，公司高于海平面嗎？（紐奧良地勢低而淹水）

So to conclude my conclusion that Ive previously concluded, in the common cement speech, I guess what Im trying to say is life is like one big Mardi Gras. But instead of showing your boobs, show people your brain, and if they like what they see, youll have more beads than you know what to do with. And youll be drunk, most of the time.

總結我之前的結論，我的「常見的水泥」演講，我想說的是，人生就像一場狂歡節嘉年華，但請展現你們的頭腦，而非胸部，如果人家欣賞的話你就有更多的金銀財寶可以使用，而且在大多數時間你都會醉。

So the Katrina class of 2009, I say congratulations and if you dont remember a thing I said today, remember this: youre gonna be ok, dum de dum dum dum, just dance.

因此，杜蘭大學2009屆的畢業生們，祝賀你們順利畢業！如果你們不記得我說過的任何話，請記住這句，一切都會好的，儘管跳舞吧！