What did you learn too late in life?

What did you learn too late in life?

It was 2013. I was 23 then.

I had a student called Puneet. He was my IELTS student. He had been trying to immigrate to Canada.

During my early years of training, I used to maintain a very professional distance with my clients(students).

I never shared my personal phone number, e-mail ID with them. I never spoke to anyone about anything other than academics. Not even a small-talk outside office hours.

That was me. I was a thorough professional. People respected me for that.

Coming back to Puneet-

He had a weird habit. I observed that he kept coming to my classes even after his course was over. He had registered his IELTS exam a month later. So, I thought he wanted some extra practice before his exam.

I helped him.

Gradually, he began to increase his number of sessions with me. I did not like it much. I helped him, however.

One day, I received a call from an unknown number. I answered the call.

「Hello Ben! Puneet here. How are you?」

I was shocked. I spoke to him for a few minutes. I asked him how he got my number. He said he would not say that.

What irked me was he did not speak anything about academics. He just said he wanted to speak to me.

That sounded weird to me. No student had ever done that.

He did not go over the line. He did not misbehave. He just seemed weird to me. He seemed lost. He wanted to talk to me. I was not up for it.

Maybe I was too young to decipher things.

He continued his classes. I told him to never call me on my personal number.

He nodded in agreement, with a big frown.

He kept coming to meet me in my office to clarify his doubts. However, I noted that only ten or fifteen minutes of the sessions went in his doubt clarifications.

The rest of the time, he just spoke to me about random things. There was nothing off-putting about what he spoke. Nothing unusual or bizarre. Yet, I started hating him for doing that.

He was trying to befriend me for no reason.

One day, I told him sternly 「Puneet, you are my client and I, your tutor. There ends our relationship. I do not want you to talk to me about anything else. If you have any other concern, deal with those.」

SNAP.

His face changed abruptly. From a nerdy harmless man, he turned into an angry, deprived, agonized person.

He clenched his fists and dug his nails into his palm. He stood up in a fit of rage. The chair fell down behind him.

He screamed at the top of his lungs 「What the hell is WRONG with you? I just want to TALK to you. I am not asking you money. I am not asking you to teach me extra. I just want you to LISTEN to me when I speak. Is THAT hard for you?」

His scream pierced me like a piece of glass. It was cold. It was loud. It was excruciating. Never had I ever heard a scream that loud, that meaningful, that painful.

Tears rolled down his cheek as he yelled. I remained in my chair. Still. I kept looking into his eyes.

I saw pain. I realized something was wrong with him.

Something heavy struck me right in my mind. Something was beyond me, my years.

Before I could conjure up some words to calm him, he sprinted out of the room, kicking down some chairs, and slamming the door.

I could not sleep that night.

The next day.

I received a call from my office. It was the front-office manager.

「Ben, the cops are here. Puneet has killed himself. His body was found along the rail-tracks.』

He had been fighting depression for months.

He wanted someone to talk to. I am not sure if I was the only one he approached.

All I know is I failed him. I learned a lesson too late. Listen to people. You never know what goes in everyone』s life.

Break out of your ego. Nothing matters. When someone is depressed, all they need is someone to talk to.

Just be silent. Listen.

I regret what I did till date! His memories will haunt me until I am dead!

Edit: Thank you everyone for the comments. I am not able to respond to every comment, but I have read every comment. I cannot express how grateful I am for the kind words.

Here is what I want all of you to know:

Yes, I know that I was not totally responsible for what happened.

Yes, I know that I have learned a lesson.

Thank you very much for the advices and kind words.

Love

那是2013年，當時我23歲。

我有一個叫Puneet的學生。他是我的雅思學生，一直在試圖移民到加拿大。

在我的早期培訓期間，我都和我的客戶（學生）保持非常專業的距離。

我從來沒有與他們分享我的個人電話號碼和電子郵件ID。除了學術之外，我從來沒有和任何人談過話。甚至連辦公室的閑談都不談。

這就是我，一個純粹的專業人士。人們都因此尊重我。

回到Puneet。

他有一個奇怪的習慣。

我注意到，即使他的課程結束了，他仍然繼續上課。一個月後，他註冊了他的雅思考試。所以，我覺得他考試前需要更多的練習。

於是我開始幫他。

漸漸地，他開始增加與我的會面次數。儘管我不喜歡，我還是繼續幫他。

有一天，我接了一個陌生號碼的電話。

「你好，Ben！我是Puneet。你好！」

我很震驚，和他談了幾分鐘。我問他如何得到我的電話號碼。他說他不會說的。

令我感到厭煩的是他沒有講學習問題，而只是說他想和我說話。

這聽起來很奇怪，沒有學生曾經做過。

他沒有越界，也沒有做錯事。但他對我來說似乎很奇怪。他似乎迷失了。他想跟我說話，但我並不打算這樣。 也許我資歷尚淺，無法理解。

他繼續課程。我告訴他不要再給我打個人電話。

他皺起了眉頭，同意地點了點頭。

他一直到我辦公室來找我答疑。但是，我注意到會面只花了十幾分鐘，他的問題就解決了。 剩下的時間，他只是跟我談論其他事情。他講的話沒有什麼不愉快的，沒有什麼不尋常或奇怪的。然而，我開始厭惡他這樣做。

他正試圖無緣無故地和我交朋友。

有一天，我嚴厲地告訴他：「普尼特，你是我的客戶，我是你的導師，這就是我們的關係。我不想讓你跟我說學習外的其他事情。如果你還有其他問題，就問吧。」

我呵斥了他。

他的臉色突然變了。從一個書獃子氣的人，變成了一個憤怒、被剝奪、痛苦的人。 他握緊拳頭，甚至指甲也插進了肉里。他憤怒地站了起來，椅子落在他身後。

他尖叫著：「你到底是怎麼了？我只想和你談談。我不求你的錢，我不要求你教我額外的。我只是想讓你聽我說話。這對你來說很難嗎？

他的尖叫像一塊玻璃一樣刺穿了我。聲音冷酷又響亮而極其痛苦。我從來沒有聽到過那麼大聲，那麼嚴肅，那麼痛苦的尖叫聲。

在大喊大叫的時候，淚水順著他的臉頰滑下來。我愣在我的椅子上不動，一直盯著他的眼睛。 我看到了痛苦。我意識到他可能經歷了什麼。

好像有什麼東西錘在我心頭上，一些超出了我所能理解的事情。

在我試圖想出一些讓他冷靜的話語之前，他衝出房間，踢了幾把椅子，砰的一聲關上了門。

那天晚上我失眠了。

第二天。 我收到了我辦公室的電話，是前台經理。

「Ben，警察在這裡。Puneet已經自殺了，他的屍體在鐵軌被發現。

他與抑鬱症鬥爭了數月。

他想要有人交談。我不確定我是否是他唯一接觸到的人。

我所知道的是我失敗了。我明白得太晚了。傾聽別人，你永遠不知道每個人的生活中會發生什麼。

打破自我的常規，沒什麼大不了的。當有人抑鬱時，他們只需要有人交談。

只需要靜心聽。

我很後悔我所做的！關於他的回憶會困擾我一生！

編輯：謝謝大家的意見。我無法回應每一條評論，但我已閱讀每一條評論。我無法表達我對你們的感激之情。 這是我想要你們所有人都知道的： 是的，我知道我並不對發生的事情完全負責。 是的，我知道我已經吸取了教訓。 非常感謝你們的建議和客氣的話。 愛你們:)