100-2 寫英文日記

10,Aug,2017

During these days, English study still confuse me a lot. I was trying to let everything continue just looks like good. But I failed all the times. Many plan starts and not pick up more than a week. And the new plan comes out, circling in my mind and makes me fresh. The beginning always fantastic with hope. However, Once any missing or lazy happened, it will become the horrible butterfly effect especially to give up including other things.

I was living in such worry feeling whole the day. And feel something I always missing is my confidence and forgiveness for myself. There is a blame sound always reverberate every few days. And also becomes the end of the world to my dream.

I should take a peaceful mind to pursue what a beautiful thing is and treasure every minute I had now. Even not the free at all, but it is still relaxing in any way. I should pick my wishes and let them go out. Try what you fear. That will make up my world bigger than before. And here I find some original English old books. I think it will open a new world for me, not in translating but in the language.

I couldnt promise everyday writing, but I think maybe this should a start with a relaxing way.

11,Aug,2017

Last night I check the Game of Throne season 6 what I totally missing, even I know Snow was returned and Stock Family had grown strong by their revenge and mission. But I am still care about what Brandon had survived from night king. And when I watched the 4, it was so sad than anyone before which make Hodor silly. It is cruel let so goodness person to be protector. Every last time to fight is controlled by Brandon, and for himself, it just left the destiny to his whole life. It was completed in 14, and he accepting this for ten years. He hasnt lost mind when Brandon after watched and talking to him, he is happy just like before. When the last words come out, everyone couldnt believe his crazy and name just the miserable fate in the beginning.

I continued to be immersed that feeling. Loyalist isnt consist in contemporary now. Everyone was equal and no one should satisfy their life for anyone. But at heart, everyone loves it what honest and brave from servant. On the contrary, brothers and family were filled with lie, conspiracy and betrayal. Maybe today is still exist, but no more crude.

And I had a stiff neck this morning, the wet let me up. And I find that I always find something enjoyable or peaceful is around me for long. But I ignore them. After reading one short prose in English and I record it as notes. I heard from myself, and I are faced with what I am thinking and how am I known. It is well I never try once. But I remember there were several times, I record what feeling in front of some painting in a museum, some people watching me, and I put my voice slightly. I dont have a good memory, I know that. Catching which could help me record is favorale.

13,Aug,2017

I change this title from Morning Diary to Night Diary because I have to say many things happened yesterday, because there is quiet and nothing start in the morning.

Yesterday I miss to write anything, because it is a special day. I was more and more rely on Mr. G, because I feel losing is too easy this year. And I begin to put my mind on those time with sisters, friends and myself. When the sudden Mr. G told me the airplane was yesterday, I was in a hurry. Because I have not finished a good deal or change the house in a right way yet. Even it is let us in the wrong time schedule, but I always feel peaceful with Mr.G.

I had lost my hometown actually this May, and lost two last grandma and grandpa. And I dont have any reason to go back to the small town which couldnt change in more than 30 years. And they had the pure people and delicious food. Every summer holiday and winter holiday is the first important thing is going back to their home. I had a lot of great memories here. And it just like the photo appears behind my eyes. If I write something in memory, the first one is hometown.But, unfortunately, I is also aware less about them. Even their real name and the experience.

Now it is began raining again. The wet day makes me feel the summer lingering this year. And the truth is it will end quickly. It looks like I couldnt face this reality. And make a variety kind of dream in my day. Where am I going ? For what ?

Last night, I felt a little empty after Mr. G gone. I had a talking with my dear friend, and she told me about her life and I filled with encouragement. I saw a so struggle woman with grace and maturity. Make better future all by herself. And had decent quality of willpower. I always think that she will be doing something special and will success like she wished. I had a deep dream before morning and in the late morning I do some excises and record the second English prose note.

22, Aug, 2017

Long time no write.

Last week I make the own decision and went to Qingdao which I had been 8 years ago. It was a crazy choice because I know I have some work to do right now. But so long time staying at one place let me boring everything around me. Even the freedom last month.

Am I out of control, because I have so many thing want to do. But anxiety always surround me. I dont feel happy after so heavy days. Actually, I should be. Those I thought so difficult to finish things all done.

And during shorts happy days, eating and taking photos everywhere. No worries and no cares, just relaxing. It is simple, and also, it is a little boring again. I have energy to work again. And dont focus what I do wrong in past either. I turn back home, feel everything like before, at same time, it is changed now in some moment. Im be quite and listening the stories of any others and feel my works and my worries is too small thing among this long journey. Life become widely. And there wasnt the only way waiting for me, I should listen and see more than worry or do.

Today I had two happy thing, one is I watched the new piece of Ice and Fire, but I had a little doubt about the love line between dragon mother and Snow. Even it doesnt matter, because one dragon become the puppet of Night King, and it must be harder to win him. The second is walking with my parents and chatting all the time. Some times I dont want them worry about me, so I couldnt telling them any in hard time. But when I think I could solve anything alone, I found they depressed because there wouldnt show their help again. We always say a lot "you had too many no use worries" to them. And some times, it is true. But I realized suddenly, they need to say something to prove their exist and older. It doesnt matter, so why not?

23, Aug, 2017

The bird sing, another sound comes together, that is the scold from my mother. Like she always complained that every little thing seems just not good for her, even she had a well and easy job, a well family doesnt need her struggle too much and travelling every year for relaxing. Actually, she slept well and dont have a good memory for words. But following the child back the sign around her mind. And she has to put it out. Living with her is a hard thing if you would like the quite area, it is difficult for her, because she thinks quite equal with lonely, which she didnt endure. She prefers to talk about the thing which she havent own and blame for family person how their failure. This is difficult for us to understand now, because we think it should be the duty for every lone dreamer to struggle and fight by ourselves, not others. Why anybody else needs to come true your dream or wish? How could you ask for this on your side in right? We are the youth that understands every person should be oneself rather than somebodys puppet.

I always have an idea about the dolls house, it is not a story of a wife to find who she is, but become a story of child to find what he really is. No life for family, but it is hard in so many family now. It is different from honor of the family in past West. It is a formal type of family.

I feel more better, when I wrote down this idea. How much idea flash in my mind and I let them away?

26,Sep,2017

I agreed with someone said, you had another line when you change your language. This is the beginning of work, I drive so many and feel time blow up and didnt find their tail. Am I missing so much? After two weeks, I started drop work after limit schedule. And turn to face my own time. How to deserve through your life ? Thinking and sharing, I guess.

4,Oct,2017

I get a trouble with my family which always perplex me. Before I realized the family just themselves dont mean you must follow their idea I had spent 25 years. I am thinking about their complain first but then they will have a new complaint against the last one. I remembered I looking for the room in graduated time. My calling with them told every detail and then they argued with the high price and just consider I have no ability to rent low-price room. And they send me some website which lower but fake. When I calling these renters, they will change a new room much higher. Or bring you to a very poor place. I just like in the clip and feel incompatible at that moment. And after that, there still numerous incredible things happened many times. I am not younger, but they still have time to check everything around me. And if I couldnt make like they wish. They will use language attracts including criticism, education, complains and summarizes your all fail life in the end.

To be honer, I thought every family should be the same at last. Until one day I shared my trouble with a friend she was very surprised. Because in her eyes, my family is so kindly and intellectual. I started to confuse with it, and read some. However, there was no paper said how to change this situation. Because they couldnt change. And the only way is to allow yourself drop their language heavy and enjoy life. I tried but nothing changed. Message, calling and also backing home, always accompany their heavy sigh, complain and criticize for anything. When I sadly, I feel just like the unqualified production.

Today is moon festival for family. I am so intensely to think such things. I wish they could come with me for a holiday, but they rejected before start. I dont care about the complain, but it still hurt. I checked these diaries and found many mistakes, thanks for corrected.