克拉克森的摯愛：阿爾法羅密歐 4C
The Clarkson review: Alfa Romeo 4C (2013)
Grab her lead and forget all about the mess on the floor
緊緊跟隨她的指引，忘卻滿地狼藉
My coffee machine is a complete and utter pain in the backside. It』s a wall-mounted Gaggia and I cannot recall a single occasion when, after pushing the button, I have taken delivery of a cup of actual coffee.
我的咖啡機簡直就是如芒在背。如同牆上的嘉吉亞，而且我記不得何時我按下按鈕，能真的拿到一杯咖啡
It always wants water, and after you』ve filled up its bowl, it says: 「Empty trays.」 So you empty them, and then it says they aren』t emptied properly. So you empty them again and then again, and then you scrub them until they shine like a furnace worker』s face. And then you put them back and it says: 「Trays missing.」 So you put them in again more firmly, several times, until it says: 「Empty trays.」
它總是缺水，加滿水後，它就說「清空托盤」你也照做了，然後又提示「清空不良」然後你就反覆的清洗，直到它們和鍋爐工一樣銀光鋥亮。然後放回去，又提示「托盤失蹤」再反覆放緊，又提示「清空托盤」
Eventually, of course, you resort to extreme brute force, whereupon it becomes Italian and changes tack. 「Add beans,」 it says. So you open another tin of ￡900 Illy coffee beans and, being careful not to upset the trays in any way, you pour them into — as I write, I can hear it doing things in the kitchen, but I don』t know what — the bean drawer. And then it says: 「Clean unit.」 So you have to go against every male instinct and find the instruction book, which tells you to hold clamp A while squeezing nozzle B for about a couple of hours, and then when you put it all back together it says it wants decalcifying.
最終，你不得不依靠蠻力，然後它就很義大利地改變戰術「添加咖啡豆」你就仔細地倒入另一聽900英鎊的伊利（義大利地名）咖啡豆
Usually I don』t get my morning coffee until it』s time for afternoon tea. But, of course, it』s worth persevering, because when the moment finally arrives the result tastes a whole lot nicer than the instant alternative.
通常情況下我直到下午茶時間才喝早咖啡。但是，當然，這是值得等待的，因為當成品出爐時，口感比速溶替代品高到哪裡去了
It』s the same story with your choice of pet. A dog requires almost constant attention. It raids your bin, gets the bones it』s nicked stuck in its throat, bites the postman, eats the milk lady, poos on the carpet, wants a walk when it』s raining, barks in the night for no reason and gets ill on Christmas Day, when the vet is too drunk to come over. But despite all this it』s so much more satisfying than a feed-and-forget cat.
和選寵物是一樣的。一條狗要求不斷的關愛。它會撞翻你的垃圾桶，把骨頭卡在喉嚨里，咬送信的郵差，吃掉送奶工，在地毯上留下「印記」在下雨天要求散步，深夜無緣無故狂吠，在聖誕節生病，而獸醫又醉醺醺地不能自已。但這還是比忘恩負義的貓強到哪裡去了
Which naturally brings me on to Alfa Romeo, an experience that』s subtly different. I had one once, a GTV6, and it was like a coffee machine — that had been designed by a dog. At night it would let all the air escape from its tyres, its clutch would weld itself to the flywheel and once it dropped its gear linkage onto the prop shaft, causing an extremely loud noise to happen, followed by the rear wheels locking up. It was a constant nightmare.
自然我們會說到阿爾法羅密歐，有著微妙不同的體驗。我曾經有過一台，GTV6，那車就和咖啡機一樣—還是小狗設計的版本。夜晚它會放跑輪胎里的所有氣，離合器和飛輪喜結連理，而一旦把擋位聯動摔到傳動軸上，聲音極其的大，緊接著就是後輪鎖死，簡直就是停不下來的噩夢
But here』s the thing: even when it was a sunny day, and it wasn』t being premenstrual, it was a pretty horrible car to drive. The steering was too heavy, the driving position was tailored for an ape, second gear was impossible to find and it handled as though it was running on heroin.
然而重點是：即使是晴天，這車也沒有月事來潮，這還是一台爛車。轉向過於沉重，專為大猩猩設計的駕駛姿勢，二檔總是無處尋覓，操控如同嗑了葯一樣嗨
It』s not alone, either. At present, the Giulietta is ho-hum and the MiTo is ghastly. And if we plunge into the pages of recent history, we find the 8C, which wasn』t quite as good as it looked, and the SZ, which was the other way round. But only because it looked as if it had been designed by a madman. The 33, the 75, the 156, the 159 and the 164? There』s not a great car there. Just many puddles of oil on your garage floor.
這不是個例。當下，Giulietta沉悶乏味，MiTo慘絕人寰。看看近期的作品，我們看到了8C，性能完全不及外在的華容，而SZ則完全相反（Zagato）但那是因為瘋子設計的作品。33（不是TIPO 33）75/156/159/159/164都是渣的無以復加。只是車庫裡的一灘機油
And yet Alfa Romeo is still my favourite car maker. I still believe you can』t really call yourself a petrolhead until you』ve owned one. So why is this?
然而阿爾法羅密歐依舊是我的個人最愛。我依舊認為只有擁有了阿爾法羅密歐才能叫鐵血車迷。但為啥呢？
It』s no good going back to the Sixties and saying: 「It』s because of the GTA.」 Yes, it was fabulous, but it was one car in a torrent of rubbish. Judging Alfa on this one achievement would be the same as ignoring all of Mussolini』s crimes simply because he once bought his mother some flowers.
就算回到60年代還是很渣，不過「萬物源於GTA（不是遊戲）」誠然，那車棒呆了，但卻被垃圾的洪流淹沒。僅憑一款車評價阿爾法羅密歐就如同因為墨索里尼給母親買花就忽略他的罪行一樣。
I』ve had a good, long think and reckon that in all its history Alfa has made only four or five really good cars. Memorable cars. And that in the past 30 years it hasn』t made one.
深思熟慮後，阿爾法羅密歐其實就只做過4-5款真正的好車。載入史冊的車。30年過去了，下一台還沒出現
Yet the love remains and I think it』s because we all sort of know what Alfa could and should be making. We have in our minds a mini Ferrari. A supercar on a shoestring. Pretty as hell, lithe as a greyhound, cheap as chips and built for fun. We have in our minds the car you see here this morning. The 4C. Sadly, pictures do not do this little car justice. In the flesh it is utterly gorgeous. Spoilt, some say, by the headlamps. Yes, maybe, in the way Cindy Crawford is spoilt by her mole — that is, not spoilt at all.
然而此愛長存，我猜是因為我們都知道阿爾法羅密歐本來能夠做到的事情。我們腦海中的是一台小躍馬。小本經營的超跑，輕盈的如同一條灰狗，薯片一樣廉價，為樂趣而生。我們要記住這是今早你看到的車。4C，遺憾的是，圖片不能為她辯護。就自身來說，這車美若天仙。有人說，頭燈毀掉了美感。興許是吧，就如同Cindy Crawford（美國名模/演員）被她的痣毀了一樣—對，完全就是瞎扯
But it』s not the looks that impress most with the 4C. It』s how it』s made. Before this, if you wanted a car with an all-carbon-fibre tub, you had a choice: you bought a machine such as a McLaren MP4-12C or you bought a Formula One racer. It』s expensive to make a car this way, but that』s what Alfa has done.
但外在美不是4C最動人的。而是她的出生。此前，要想買碳盆，你只能選擇12C這種超跑或者F1賽車。這樣造車很貴，但阿爾法羅密歐就是這麼做的
The benefit is lightness, and that』s a theme it has continued throughout. So, if you』re after luxury and soundproofing and lots of standard equipment, forget it. There』s no satellite navigation. You don』t even get power steering.
好處在於輕盈，這就是自始至終的主題。所以，如果你追求奢華與隔音的一應俱全車款，別想了。沒有衛星導航。連助力轉向都沒有
The result is a car that tips the scales, fat with fluids, at well under a ton. Which means it doesn』t need a big engine. Instead, mounted in the middle of the car, is a 1742cc turbo unit that itself is made to be so light it has to be bolted in place to stop it floating away.
結果就是一台舉足輕重的車，肥脂都流失了，恰好小於1噸。也就是說不需要大引擎。反之，車輛中部的，是一台1742CC的渦輪機，輕盈到被螺栓固定才不至於四處漂浮
Disappointed that it only has the four-cylinder engine from a motorised pencil sharpener? Well, don』t be. Because, thanks to the lightness, you can get to 62mph in 4.5 seconds and onwards past 160mph. Way past, I found. Oh, and 40mpg-plus is on the cards as well.
對只有削筆刀一樣的4缸機失望了？額，切莫如此。因為，得益於身輕如燕，0-62MPH（100KPH）只有4.5s，極速直逼160MPH（256KPH）。等等，我找到了，資料卡上還有低於40MPG（5.875L/100KM）的油耗
I shall make no bones about it. I loved this car. It』s like being at the controls of a housefly. You can brake later than you think possible into corners, knowing that there』s barely any weight to transfer. And it has so much grip. Then there』s the noise. Or rather noises. It makes thousands. All loud. All mad.
我本應該對此毫無顧忌。我愛她。操控如同家蠅一樣靈活。你可以比想像中更晚剎車入彎，因為你知道幾乎沒有重心轉移。抓地力又如此強勁。聲浪嘛，噪音比較好。成千上萬的噪音，笙簫震天，極盡瘋狂
Yes, the interior trim is shocking, but if you want that lightness, it』s the price you pay. And you do want it. Because lightness is coming. It has to. It makes both the polar bear and the petrolhead happy. And in the Alfa it made me very happy indeed. I drove the car round Lake Como on a sunny evening and there was almost a tear in my eye. I kept thinking that life didn』t really get any better.
誠然，內裝十分驚人，但如果你要輕量化，這就是代價。而你的確想要這麼做，因為輕量化即將來臨。這是必須的。這讓北極熊和鐵血車迷都喜笑顏開。而且阿爾法羅密歐的確讓我很開心。我在科莫湖萬里無雲的夜晚試駕這車，感動的幾乎淚崩。我一直在想此樂何極
Now the boring stuff. I fitted easily. The boot is big. The dash readout is clever and clear so you don』t need spectacles to see how fast you』re going. And you can choose how you want your car to feel. Really. Just put it in Dynamic mode. And leave it there.
現在開始就是無聊的內容了。上車便利，尾箱夠大。儀錶盤清晰機智，也就是說不需要老花鏡來看清時速。還可以選擇體感車速。說真的，留著動態模式足以
There are only a couple of drawbacks. The gearbox is a bit dim-witted and the steering isn』t quite as sharp as I had been expecting. Also, it』s wider than a Mercedes SLS AMG, which means it』s wider than Utah. And it costs around ￡45,000. That, for a carbon fibre-tubbed mini-supercar, is not bad at all. But it does put it in the same price bracket as a Porsche Cayman.
還是有幾個缺點。變速箱略蠢，轉向不如預期犀利。而且，比SLS AMG還寬，也就是說比猶他州更寬。售價大約45000英鎊。對於一款碳盆小號超跑來說，價格誘人。但也正面肛上了保時捷Cayman
Of course, the Cayman is more in tune with where we are now. It feels sturdy, and well made and luxurious. But that sort of thing will have to stop. We will have to go down Alfa』s route, which means, in fact, the 4C feels like the future.
當然，保時捷Cayman的調校更適合我們的現實生活。堅實可靠，做工優良，豪氣十足。但這一切都必須停止。我們必須堅守阿爾法羅密歐的路線，也就是說，實際上，4C來自未來
It also feels like the Alfa that the company made only in your dreams. It feels wonderful. I』m sure, naturally, that it will be like my coffee machine to own. But, unlike with any other Alfa in living memory, the rewards will make all the effort worth it.
這也像是你夢中的阿爾法羅密歐。完美絕倫。我確定，很自然的，就像我想要的咖啡機一樣。但不像我們記憶中的阿爾法羅密歐，你所有的努力都是有所回報的
總評：4星半
Alfa, it』s good to have you back
Alfa，幸好你華麗回歸了
克拉克森最後補充：
plus an unprecedented sixth star— unless you』re thinking of driving it, in which case deduct four
我要加一顆6星—除非你要開車，那樣的話減少4星，留1星
Factfile 名字 Alfa Romeo 4C
Price 價格 :￡45,000 (Correct at time of publication)
Engine 引擎 :1742cc, 4 cylinders
Power 馬力 :237bhp @ 6000rpm
Torque 扭力 :258 lb ft @ 2200rpm
Transmission 變速箱 :6-speed dual clutch
Acceleration 加速 :0-62mph in 4.5sec
Top speed 極速 :160mph
Fuel 油耗 :41.5mpg (combined)
Pros（欽定）
Pretty enough to cause a stir
美到引人蠢蠢欲動
Such an exciting drive
駕駛感受無車可敵
Its many flaws are actually plus points
白璧微瑕都是加分項
Cons（批判）
Will probably go wrong
可能會趴窩
Veers left or right depending on road camber
根據路面弧度左右偏移
Deafening at 70mph; General Noriega suffered less
70MPH的噪音；比曼紐爾 諾列加將軍（巴拿馬前首腦）還多的酷刑
翻譯：GearKnobs字幕組—進化世代（ALMF3512）
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