a chat

me: actually i am kind of depressed

ppl: no........... u cant be, you r hilarious

me: yes i am

ppl: u cant be serious

me: u have no idea how fucked up my life is

ppl: r u telling me a joke right now?

me: no im not.

ppl: well its not funny.. u know what .. everybody is sort of depressed. don』t be a drama queen, suck it up... write something funny

me: why would i do that?

ppl: cuz we all need a good laugh don』t we

me: but i am not a funny guy

ppl: nobody is doing a thesis on your personality bro, just crack a joke or something, write something about u and your mom, we all love that... it has been a while since last time u updated.

me: i made all that shit up

ppl: so you mom cant speak english?

me: she cant even speak proper mandarin.

ppl: then why u made that shit up?

me: i dont know, maybe cuz i barely talk with my family and i was overcompensating for the lack of any meaningful conversation for all those years.

ppl: why u r telling me this now ?

me: because there is no you and i am actually talking to myself

ppl: u probably should get some sleep, uve been spending too much time on internet.

me: why would you care ?

ppl: come on, r we gonna go through this again....honestly i dont want to talk about your shit... i got my own shit to worry about... and i cant imagine anyone would care, its fcking internet. nobody cares if what u wrote was real or fictional, nobody wants to learn your life story if its not funny.. ppl read ur shit on phones while doing morning commute, or when taking a dump right before they go to bed. they read, they had a laugh, then they forgot. next minute they flipped to facebook or whatever and thats it. u r a fool if u were expecting to have real connection with ppl u randomly bumped into on the internet.

me: but ppl did offer sex to me, like a dozen of them, men and women.

ppl: it has nothing to do with u bro, its the persona u constructed by writing that your groupies wanted to fuck. that TimberNord guy might be kind of smart, funny, quick witted.. but u know thats not you. u r an overweight 30 years old who is stuck in corporate ladder. your obviously hate your job but u still pretend to have a passion for it.... and that, my friend, is PATHETIC. what is wrong with u, too embarrassing to own up to another mistake that basically buried your career for good? by the way u really do have a long history of fcking up ur relationship and i tell u what... u r about to blow this one again. u probably r gonna die alone in an apartment when u reached 80s or 70s if u drink too much,,,, with a dog. and i am being generous about the dog part.

me: u r being a bit harsh dont u think

ppl: whatever, i dont give a shit. so clear your mind and write something funny, thats what i ve been telling u. dont dwell on those things that r gonna fuck u up. if you r about to destroy ur life, make a comedy out of it.

me: but what if i just want to give myself a break, what if i just want to vent my frustration by writing random shit, like i used to do. what if i stop telling jokes and just be me.

ppl: u know nobody is stopping u from doing that right?.. its ur blog for christ sake... ppl will skip this one if they see its not in plain everyday chinese and even if some of them cared enough to read this far they r probably gonna pick on your grammar.... and spelling

me: ....thats actually cute

ppl ( sigh) : r u feeling better now

me: a bit

ppl: looks like writing random shit did help

me: its late, go home

ppl: how about u

me: i am gonna stick around for a while

ppl: k