及時調節你的情緒

這幾天我又開始胡亂睡覺了，前天11點睡的，半夜兩點半醒了，輾轉反側了好久以後抓起手機。

然後看到了那個現在特別火爆的題，關於家暴。然後我開始寫寫寫，但是越整理這件事越難過。

然後情緒糟到必須有人來承擔後果了，於是把我男票拍醒了。

你瞧，我也會找弱者泄憤，負性情緒就是這麼在社會上傳遞的。

今天算是睡了個囫圇覺，早上他上班我跟著醒了，跟著蹭了一頓早飯，然後繼續投身到知乎上的撕逼大戰中。

但是在互聯網上與「敵人」「戰鬥」，並不能像真的肢體衝突一樣消耗掉腎上腺素，所以壞情緒只會越積越多。

在我發覺自己已經進入到這種負反饋的循環中時，我決定放下知乎，看一點輕鬆的東西。

所以今天就帶來一小段輕鬆的脫口秀節目。大家試試看過之後自己是不是還想找人吵架了。

E：there are new additions to your family, and i want to hear their names. are you...

艾倫：你們家有了新成員了，我想聽聽它們的名字。

M: hehehe, there are... we got two golden retriever "horses".

they are... theyre 3 to 4 times this size now.

梅麗莎：呵呵呵，它們呀。。。我們養了兩隻金毛「馬」，它們有照片上三到四倍這麼大了。

E: ah...

艾倫：哦。。。

M: and theyre pretty. theyre not very bright.

梅麗莎：而且它們真漂亮，它們不是很機靈

E: no.

艾倫：不

M: they re really not. i love them dearly, but its like living with models. theyre super pretty...

...but theyre not... theyre not that smart. and you know what? they dont have to be, cause everybody just gives them things, because they are pretty.

梅麗莎：它們真的不機靈。我超愛它們的，但是就像跟模特過日子，它們超級漂亮。。。但它們。。。它們真不很聰明。你知道嗎，它們不需要很聰明，因為所有人都願意給它們東西，就因為它們漂亮。（影射模特）

E: yeah!

艾倫：是的！

M: so its like theyre never come out of that cycle. they just... they literally will go up into the yard, and, like, catch a breeze.

and i will look out, and im like, "my God...", its like they found a wind machine.

and like, their hair is so blowing. Im like, they know where to find, like, their light in the wind.

but then, theyll, like, run into walls, and im like, aw.

梅麗莎：所以它們一直也沒法擺脫這個循環。它們。。。他們就像字面上一樣「跑進院子里，吹吹風」

我望出去，我就想，「哦我的天哪。。。」它們就像找到了一個吹風機一樣。

就像它們的毛髮都飄起來了。我感覺就像，它們知道到哪去找風裡的「高光點」一樣。

但是，它們就像，緊接著就跑到撞牆，我就像。。。唉。。。

E: yeah, aw...

艾倫：唉。。。

M: but theyre cute.

梅麗莎：但是它們很可愛。

E: And do you ... have you made the mistake of throwing a ball yet? Because you should never start that with those dogs.

艾倫：你。。。你有沒有犯給他們扔球的錯誤呢？你永遠都不應該開始給他們扔球。（停不下）

M: They also... yeah. And they make noises when they get something in their mouth. They dont do it when they dont have something, but the second you give them a toy, theyre like...()

梅麗莎：它們。。沒錯。。。它們嘴裡含著東西時候會發出那種聲音。它們嘴裡沒有東西時候不會。但是你一給他們個玩具，它們就。。。（學殺豬一樣的聲音）

M: And its panic. Its like cautht in a bear trap sound.

梅麗莎：這很嚇人。就像被獵熊陷阱夾住了一樣。

E：Thats hilarious.

艾倫：太好玩了。

M：And its like an "on and off" switch. i mean, i have done it, like im like,...()

梅麗莎：而且這就像有個開關一樣，我是說，我試過。。.

M: Its the most frantic...

梅麗莎：簡直是發瘋一樣。

E: What are their names?

艾倫：它們叫什麼啊？

M: Sorry about that. The sound person must love that... Homer and Harper. and they dont know.

梅麗莎：對不起，錄音師一定「愛」死那聲音了。。。Homer 和Harper, 但是它們聽不懂

E: they dont know their names?

艾倫：它們不知道它們的名字？

M: they dont know. they have no idea. you could call them, like, Bubbles and, like Havisham, and they just like...()

梅麗莎：它們不知道。它們完全沒概念。你可以叫他們，「泡泡」，或者「哈維山穆」，然後它們就像。。。（張嘴冒傻氣狀）

M: ive never met dogs that, likes, do not know their names at all. its kind of fascinating.

梅麗莎：我從沒見過不知道自己名字的狗，這太吸引人了。

E: thats hilarious. all right, no ones going to be getting a golden retriever after this.

艾倫：這太滑稽了。好吧，看過這期節目以後沒人會養金毛了。

M: no, but theyre sweet.

梅麗莎：不會了，不過它們真的很甜。

E: all right. but they are pretty, yes.

艾倫：好吧好吧。不過它們真的很漂亮，沒錯。

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