西藏同性戀：我們沒什麼特別

作者：Tenzin Dickyi [ January 11, 2007 ]

編譯：根確扎西 [ 2007年7月30日 ]

譯文有適（hěn）當（duō）刪改。

「我們沒有什麼特別。」丹增（Tenzin Jigdel ，化名）說，他是一位西藏男同性戀。他覺得沒有什麼理由隱藏自己的身份。

「We are not special」 says Tenzin Jigdel (name changed), a Tibetan Gay who finds no reasons to hide his identity from anyone.

同性戀在西藏依然是一個禁忌的話題，就象在世界很多地方一樣。更多的時候，多數的人們總是選擇迴避和拒絕同性戀者的存在，當然更多人難以理解這些人，第一反映就是不可思議，或者認為婚姻是解決這個問題的唯一辦法，很多父母在開始的時候總是很關心的樣子，但是實際上他們希望自己的兒子或者女兒能儘快度過這個「階段」最後「正常」起來，但是很遺憾，事情不會按照父母希望的方向發展。不管多麼難以理解，對於同性戀者來說，如果社會能夠象接受其他人一樣接受他們，他們會非常的愉快，因為他們和我們一樣僅僅是芸芸眾生中的普通一個。知識是打開理解大門的鑰匙，教育和信息可以幫助人們加強理解，打破偏見和歧視。

The subject of homosexuality definitely remains a taboo in our society like in many countries. We have denied to acknowledge the existence of such people in our society who too like us crave for openness and freedom. People generally find it very difficult to comprehend what homosexuality is all about. Their first reaction always remains weird and many thinks marriage is the only 『cure』 for such behaviour. Parents are the one who usually takes longer to make peace with this aspect and still hope that their son or daughter will come out of this 『phase』. But it takes so much for a homosexual person to accept what you are because everything doesn』t happen the way you want. However they become a happy soul when society accepts them as what they are because they are just an ordinary person. And Knowledge is the key. Educating and informing all people about sexual orientation and homosexuality can only trim down and break these prejudices in any society.

丹增（Tenzin Jigdel）打開心扉講述了一個西藏同性戀者的故事，希望能有更多的人關注並尊重我們身邊的同性戀者。

Mr. Tenzin Jigdel recently unfolded some real truths about himself as being a Tibetan Gay to phayul. And we hope that this interview will positively demystify some myths, hopefully trigger certain change and establish some home truths about homosexuality in our society.

問：首先請告訴我們關於你的一些情況？

First of all can you please tell us something about yourself?

答：好的，我是一個藏人，在印度出生，出生在一個普通的藏人家庭。我學習的專業是媒體製作。另外，我對各種藝術，特別的有興趣。

Well, I am a Tibetan youth born and brought up in exile in Dharamsala. I attended the Tibetan Children』s Village School. I am currently a post graduate student seeking a degree in Media studies. I come from a very ordinary Tibetan family and both my parents have been civil servants all their lives for the Tibetan Government in Exile. I am a very down to earth, kind hearted person, single and seeking and I keep high interests in the field of arts.

問：那麼你從什麼開始意識到男人對自己更有吸引力？

Tell me a bit about how and when you first realized that you have attraction towards men?

答：是在我很小的時候，我就意識到自己有同性戀傾向，大概在二年級或者三年級的時候。我現在依然記得，那個時候我對女生和男生都很有興趣，但是更多的時候我被男生吸引。後來大概在13或者14歲的時候，我經常迷戀這個或者那個男生，那個時候的慾望是那樣的強烈和真實。

I realized I was gay quite early on in my life. Initially in grades two or three, I still recollect that I would have infatuations towards both girls and boys but during my early teens, it struck me that I was more and more attracted towards boys. Later on around the age of 13 or 14, I would constantly have a crush on this boy or the other. Of-course they were all teenage crushes but the urges were strong and real.

在那些日子裡，我總是很困惑，但是那個時候，沒有人告訴我什麼是同性戀。那個時候，我想自己一定是一個墮落的畸形，當時我急切的想知道自己為什麼會這樣，我去學校的圖書館尋找各種書籍，但是什麼答案都沒有找到。

During those early years, I was confused; there was no one to tell me what it』s like being gay. I thought I was some kind of a freak falling for boys rather than girls. I badly needed some answers at that time but there was no one to turn to. I went into the school library to find some references and as you would expect there was none.

後來，《Teleny or Reverse of the Medal 》這本書的複印本傳到我的手上，我不記得我怎樣得到這本書。這是一本小說，講述19世紀發生在巴黎的故事，一個法國男子和一個匈牙利鋼琴家之間的同性愛情，通過這本書，我了解到很多同性戀的知識，這是一本非常色情和讓人激動的小說，據說這是英國著名作家王爾德（Oscar Wilde）的作品。

Somehow a copy of the book, Teleny or Reverse of the Medal came into my hands. I don』t remember where and how I found it. The story of that novel was set in Paris in the late 1800s and it was a love story between a young French man and a Hungarian pianist. Strangely the book was sort of the first thing that introduced me to the gay world. It was a very erotic and an exciting novel which is rumored to have been partly written by Oscar Wilde.

在我已經過去的童年時代，沒有任何人告訴我同性戀是什麼，可能是因為這是一個違背習俗的話題，那些時候我唯一可以聽到「同性戀」這個詞語就是在一些非常低級的笑話里。我一直保持著自己內心的這個秘密，一直到我高中畢業離開家。

In passing during my childhood, no one really spoke about homosexuality. It seemed as if even talking about it was a sin. The only time I』d hear the words gay or homos were in bad jokes. I kept it all to myself until the time I left home after high school.

隨著年齡的增長，我和其他同齡人一樣開始關注性，之後我交往了很多伴侶，並且在學校里有過一段很放任的生活，當然現在很多人對於那些經歷都會閉口不提或者裝作什麼都沒有發生過。對於我來說，經歷過那些之後，我進一步意識到自己的同性戀傾向，並且認定自己就是一個男同性戀者。

During my late teens, like other boys and girls, I too began to explore my sexuality. I』d had many encounters with my school mates where we would have mutual sexual indulgence which at later stages in our lives we all rather not talk about or pretend as if it』d never happened. But those encounters were a way of re-affirming my own identity as a young gay man.

在我中學的最後一個階段里，我是一個非常低落的青年——迷惑和迷茫。即使是在我已經確信自己就是一個男同性戀者之後，很多問題的答案我還是不能知曉。那時我馬上就要畢業了，但是我依然不知道自己人生的下一步將怎樣去繼續。

In the last years of my high school, I was a wrecked teenager – confused and lost. Even though I had realized that I was gay long ago, I still haven』t found much answer to my questions. Soon I』d be graduating and let out into the world but I was really not sure where to start from.

就在那個時候，我迷戀上一個男生，他是我非常好的一個朋友，當我告訴他自己的想法時，他震驚了，我想他一定嚇壞了，從那以後，他再也不把我當朋友了，而且把我的事情告訴我的其他朋友。我並沒有過度的責怪他，因為他和很多人一樣出生和成長在一個保守的社會中。

Several months into my last year of high school, I fell in love again for the nth time. This time I am not sure if it was not just a crush in passing but I desired this young boy so much that I couldn』t resist him. We were close friends of a sort and there was this incident where I came on to him. This was a real shocker for him I guess. He just completely disowned me as a friend and told my other friends about me. I don』t blame him much for that because after all he』s also a Tibetan born and brought up in a conservative society. He was young and was not exposed to many things in the world.

但是這件事情，讓我中學的最後時光變的非常艱難，就象地獄一般，好象全校的人知道了我的性傾向，那是我人生中最黑暗的時光，很多朋友，很快的和我劃清界限。

But somehow it totally blew my world upside down. High school was a hell hole - word soon spread through out my friends circle and it seemed like the whole school knew about my orientation. I went through the worst time of my life then. Many of the friends I have been close to for years, all of a sudden, decided not to be friends with me anymore and since I was just a kid back then, I took those things very seriously and I was devastated.

當時我真希望盡自己的全力，有多遠就跑多遠。我被人們討厭，但是沒有解決的辦法，最後我還是堅持過來了，那個時期也有一些人同情和理解我，直到今天我想到他們內心依然充滿了感激。

I felt like running away as far as I can. I was ashamed and scandalized but solutions there were none. So the only thing that helped me survive that last year of high school was to stay close to the friends who did decide to stand by me. I loved them dearly and they are still the most important people in my life even now.

問：所以當你更多的被男人吸引的時候，你怎麼去接觸女生呢？你對她們友好嗎？

So when you have more attraction towards men, how do you find girls? Are you friendly with them?

答：作為一個同性戀者，看待男生就和一般女生看待男生一樣。關於我怎麼找女生的問題，我只能簡單的回答說，我對女孩子不感興趣，我有很多女性朋友，但是說到性，我只會被男子吸引。

For a gay man, they look at other men just the way a girl would look at them. And the question about how I find girls, I』d just simply say that I am not attracted to girls. I have many female friends but in terms of sexual attraction, I am turned on only by men.

問：通過父母的幫助，有同性戀傾向的孩子可以與同性的吸引相抗爭，從而遠離同性戀么？

Can parents help children struggling with same sex attractions turn away from the homosexual lifestyle?

答：這裡唯一的答案是：「不」。同性戀傾向並不是一種疾病也不是入迷成癮而致。一個同性戀者不需要某種治療而變成異性戀者，實際上，沒有一個同性戀者會去和同性的吸引抗爭，因為在同性戀者看來這是非常美麗的一件事。那些所謂與同性吸引相抗爭的孩子實際上是為了他們的父母而在抗爭，因為他們周圍的人不接受和尊重他們的傾向。假如父母知道自己的孩子有同性戀傾向，唯一的辦法是幫助孩子去面對這個事情，並且讓他知道父母支持他。另外學習和了解相關知識和信息是非常重要的，因為無知會給你和你的孩子帶來很多不必要的麻煩。

There』s only one answer to that: 「NO」. Sexual orientation is not a disease or an addiction. A homosexual does not need to be cured of being gay any more than a heterosexual needs to be cured of being straight. No one is really struggling with same sex attraction. It is a beautiful thing. What children struggle is with the fact that the people around them are not accepting who they are? If as parents, if we come to know that our kids are gay, the only way to help them is to help them deal with it and to let them know that you are there to support them. If you are not sure as parents yourselves, then seek help and seek knowledge. Ignorance can cause a lot of trouble to you and your kids.

問：那麼到底什麼是同性戀呢？這個概念是根據行為和舉止來定義的么？

Is homosexuality defined by behavior?

答：關於「同性戀」的定義並不僅僅是依據行為來定義，可以簡單的來定義「同性戀」：會被同性別的人所吸引的人。所以同性戀就是表示一種性取向，所以同性戀包括同性的性行為，同時也包括內在的感受，對於每個個體來說，他的行為不一定就反應出他的性取向。同樣的問題可以反問異性戀者，「異性戀」這個詞是否根據行為和舉止來定義呢？答案當然是不。

Homosexuality is defined not only by behavior although there are certain forms of behavior generally associated with homosexuals. Homosexuality in very simple terms is the word used to describe people who are sexually oriented to be attracted to the same sex. So it』s just a sexual orientation just as heterosexuality is. Sexual orientation is different from sexual behavior because it refers to feelings and self-concept. Individuals may or may not express their sexual orientation in their behaviors. The same question can be asked of heterosexuality. Is it defined by behavior alone? Of-course not.

問：那麼當人們知道你的身份之後，是怎樣反應的呢？你父母的反應是什麼？

What have you been hearing from people in response to what you are? How did your parents react?

答：到現在為止，我沒有向我的父母說過這個事情，但是我對我的所有兄弟姐妹公開了自己是一個同性戀者的身份，他們一直以來就很支持我。我告訴他們的時候，他們沒有覺得很意外，我的一個姐姐對我說，其實她一直都知道，只是她在等待，我自己鼓足勇氣告訴他們。總的來說，他們都很支持我，但是他們也很為我擔心，我是否會被同胞們所接受。

I haven』t come out to my parents yet but I have openly come out to my siblings who have been very supportive so far. In the beginning they were not so surprised, one of my sisters told me that all along she knew. She said she was waiting for this moment for a long time when I』d come to terms with myself. Generally they are very supportive but they are afraid somehow about how I』d be received in the Tibetan community.

至於我的父母，他們已經很老了，他們的人生已經經歷的太多太多，我並不覺得有必要告訴他們自己的性取向，理論上講，我必須告訴他們，讓自己的內心變的坦然，但是如果真的那樣做的話，我覺得自己太自私了。我的看法是，他們要理解這個事情並不容易，這樣也許會給我們彼此都帶來傷害和痛苦。如果他們通過其他渠道知道了這個事情，並且問我，那麼我會非常誠實的告訴他們真相。

As for my parents, they are old and they have been through a lot. I don』t feel the need to tell them. In an ideal world, I must tell them and free myself but then I think it would be selfish. In my opinion, they won』t understand it and I』d have to go through a lot of trouble to make them understand causing them pain and causing myself pain. I am really not sure what to do in that area. If they somehow came to know and if they bring up the question to me, I will be honest and I will tell them the truth.

另外，我生活在離他們很遠的地方，而且我已經是一個成年人了，我能決定自己的事情。我深深的愛著我的父母，我不想在他們生命的這個時候，帶給他們任何的困擾和傷心。如果他們能年輕一些，我想我早就已經告訴他們了。

Otherwise I live far away from them and I am an adult who make my own decisions. I love them dearly and I don』t want to cause them any pain at this age in their lives. I guess if they were younger, I would have told them long ago.

問：兩個同性結婚是很荒謬的一個想法，你是否認為一對同性戀的關係可以長久的保持呢？

The idea of marriage for two such individuals (of the same sex) is an absurdity. Do you think a homosexual relation will last forever?

答：哇，這是什麼問題？你真的認為同性戀婚姻是荒誕可笑的么？

Wow, What a statement? Do you seriously think gay marriage is absurd?

就自己來說，我對婚姻沒有太多的興趣，不管是同性還是異性的，但是我相信任何人都有和自己的伴侶結婚的權利，不管他們是同性還是異性。這裡有一個非常狡猾的論點，同性戀者的婚姻將導致嚴重的社會問題，但是在決定結婚之前，同性戀者都是經過非常認真的思考的，因為他們面對著更多的壓力，這一點也許比那些輕率的婚姻要好一些。

I am not a big fan of all forms of marriages - gay or straight but I believe all individuals must be allowed to enjoy the right of getting married to their partners whether they are of the same sex or not. This is a very tricky argument here. Those who are against gay marriage say that this will destroy an important social institution but then gays wanting to marry are really upholding this social institution. They believe in long term commitment and they seek stability. They uphold the symbolism that marriage brings – a sense of obligation and social recognition. Unlike heterosexuals marrying, gays wanting to marry seriously understand how important marriage is for them in their opinions.

問：那麼你認為一對異性戀之間的關係可以保持很長久么？

Do you think a HETEROSEXUAL relation will last forever?

答：這是沒有保證的，對於同性戀者或者異性戀者是一樣的。

There』s no guarantee for any relationship be it straight or gay relationship.

問：在藏族人看來，同性戀依然是一個禁忌的話題，那麼要在這樣一個群體里，保持自己的本色是否很困難呢？

In context to Tibetan Community, the subject about homosexuality remains taboo. Was it so difficult to keep yourself fixed in the society?

答：首先我不知道，自己是否可以談論整個民族，因為我自己只是生活在印度的西藏人社區，這只是西藏的個體而已。總體來說同性戀這個話題在西藏依然是一個禁忌的話題，但是對於接受過較高教育或者具有世界眼光的西藏人來說，他們知道同性戀這個話題的根本意義是什麼。

I am not sure if I can speak about Tibetan community as a whole. I have lived only among Tibetan exiles in India which is much smaller than the community in Tibet. Yes it does remain a taboo but among those who are more educated and those who』ve seen the world, does understand the real issue.

知識是解決問題的鑰匙。給人們提供關於同性戀的知識，可以幫助人們減少對同性戀者的敵視和偏見。

Knowledge is the key. Educating all people about sexual orientation and homosexuality can reduce the anti-gay prejudices in any society. I am not sure if Tibetan schools in India or elsewhere has sex-ed classes but those are ways of helping reduce/prevent misunderstandings.

在西藏，我是否能難保持自己的本色？不，在我看來並不困難，因為總是希望自己可以誠實的生活。我告訴很多我的同族好友，自己的同性戀者身份，剛開始他們當然很驚奇，但是後來他們都尊重和接受了我。我作為一個西藏人非常自豪，作為一個同性戀者，在這一點上我與其他同胞沒有任何的區別。

Was it so difficult to keep myself fixed in the society? No it wasn』t. I am someone who tries to live an honest life as much as I can. I have come out to many of my close Tibetan friends and it may come as a surprise to you that they have been very accepting. I am proud of being a Tibetan and as a gay man I always tell myself that I am not special.

問：你會告訴別人你是同性戀者么？

Were you ever reluctant about coming out openly and speaking about your sexuality?

答：為什麼同性戀要公開的告訴別人自己是，而異性戀卻不用。

Why do gay men and women have to come out and why don』t heterosexual men and women don』t see the need to tell others that they are straight? Living in the closet effects ones』 mental health and the coming out process helps gay men and women adjust themselves in a given environment with their identity. The more comfortable one is with their identity, the better one』s mental health.

For me personally I was a reluctant about coming out. I was not sure where it would all lead me to. I avoided the idea for a long time but there was a point where it felt like I was living a lie by keeping a secret. I thought my family and my close friends had the right to know who I really am.

I am still not completely out. My strategy is that if someone wants to know whether I am gay or not, and if they asks me the question, I give them the truth. This way I am not screaming out to the world that I am gay and I am living an honest life.

It makes you feel a lot more comfortable with yourselves and with others.

問：你還有什麼想對大家說？

Anything you would like to tell to our readers?

答：首先，我們沒有什麼特別的。我想大家可以比較簡單的試著去理解同性戀。因為這是當今世界面對的一個共同話題。而對於我們本來就作為少數的西藏人來說，這又是少數中的少數。我們總是向世界驕傲說，我們來自西藏，希望世界可以了解我們，同樣的，同性戀者也是一樣。

We are not special. As Tibetan exiles I think it could be a little bit easier to understand homosexuality or at-least it might be easier to try to understand. As Tibetans, being a minority literally everywhere, we have to constantly go through identity crises and discriminations. Homosexuals through out the world face the same problems, sometimes even harder for those who are stuck in a minority within a minority.

So many a times, ignorance and lack of knowledge makes you ask these questions. The more people know, the less prejudiced they become.

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原文：Completely out of the closet- An Interview

編譯：西藏同性戀：我們沒什麼特別