猩氏車評—RS3 Saloon

The Clarkson Review: Audi RS 3 saloon

Oh what a hoot to be Britain』s worst driver

英國最差司機，天生笑柄

I SAW a dead man recently, and it made me sad. He』d obviously got up as usual and had breakfast with his wife. They』d have talked casually about what they were doing that night, whether the kids would be home and maybe made some plans for the weekend. Then he』d gone out, climbed onto his motorcycle and set off for work. Except he never got there because at a busy junction, he and a Toyota Prius had a coming-together. And that was that.

近期我看到個死人，這讓我很傷心。顯然他一如往日地早起，與妻子共進早餐。隨意交談夜晚的計劃，孩子們是否回家，周末還可能有特別的安排。然後他出門，騎上摩托車，出發工作。但這一切都是泡影了，他在車水馬龍的路口與一台普銳斯撞在一起，萬事皆終

Two days later I saw a stupid man cycling along the Earls Court Road in London. You could tell from his corduroy jacket and huge beard he was an ecomentalist, a point he was determined to prove by pedalling along with his three children in a flimsy, virtually invisible trailer behind his bike. I presume they were his children; it』d be worse if they weren』t.

兩天後我在倫敦的伯爵宮看見個騎車的傻子。燈芯絨夾克和悠長的鬍鬚表面這是個環保狗，他帶著薄如蟬翼的拖車上的三個孩子一路向前。我猜應該是他的孩子；要是販子就糟糕了

Then an hour later I saw a stupid woman who』d gone one step further. She only had one child but it was in a basket contraption mounted on the front wheel of her bicycle. Yup. She was actually using her baby as a human crumple zone. Simply to make a political point. And that is insane.

一小時後我又看到更過分的蠢女人。她只有一個孩子，卻把孩子放在車頭的筐里。這簡直是人力潰縮區嘛。一個詞形容—瘋子

There was a time when this might have been fine. London』s roads felt safe, partly because the speeds were so low but mostly because everyone sort of knew what they were doing. That certainly isn』t the case any more.

曾幾何時一切安好。倫敦道路非常安全，一部分因為速度太低了，更主要的是人們都有自知之明。然而現在不若當年了

The motorcyclist had been hit by a minicab. And it was a minicab that bloody nearly wiped me out last week when I went to buy the newspapers. He was on completely the wrong side of the road.

摩托騎士被計程車撞倒，還就是上周我買報紙時差點兒把我掃倒的那台。計程車完全就是開錯了方向

Uber, as we know, has been told that it can』t operate in London any more because it doesn』t take its responsibilities seriously. I don』t doubt that the company will clean up its act before the case reaches appeal. But I wonder whether the driving will get any better, because at the moment it beggars belief.

眾所周知，滴滴打車因為無法承擔責任，在倫敦已經待不下去了。我不質疑官方會努力擦屁股的。但我質疑駕駛感覺會不會更好，因為現在垃圾到難以置信

The problem is this. There』s much globalisation these days. The Big Mac you buy in Los Angeles is the same as the Big Mac you buy in Moscow. Coca-Cola is the same. Sunglasses are the same. Phones are the same. Cars are the same too, but the way they are driven definitely is not.

問題是，雖然全球化的盛行。洛杉磯的巨無霸和莫斯科的巨無霸一模一樣。可口可樂也是，墨鏡也是，手機亦然，車子亦然，但開車的方式卻都有地方特色

If you』ve been to Rome you』ll know what I mean. The driving there is completely different from the driving you find in, say, Houston, or Bournemouth. Then you have Vietnam, where everyone gets into fifth gear as soon as the car is doing 3mph, which is in direct contrast to Syria, where no one drives anywhere unless the engine is turning at 6,500rpm. Eastern Europe is naked aggression, Paris is belligerence and India is dithering.

去過羅馬的人都懂。羅馬人開車和，比如說休斯頓，或者伯恩茅斯比完全不同。然後就是越南，一個人人都在3MPH切5檔的國家，和敘利亞完全不同，只有6500的紅線才能叫做車。東歐都是激進派，巴黎是好戰主義，印度人猶豫不決

And people who』ve learnt the skills needed to get by in their own country are now in London, in a Prius, and it doesn』t work at all. Any more than it would work if you put chefs from all over the world in a single kitchen and told them to make supper. You』ve got the chap from India hesitating nervously, not sure what lane he should be in, behind the chap from Poland who reckons that the traffic lights signal the start of the grand prix, and both are being deafened by Johnny Syrian, who』s sitting there with one foot hard down on the clutch and the other hard down on the throttle, which is actually a blessed relief because it means that no one can hear what Reg Crikey the black-cab driver is actually saying.

然後這些在自家學習駕駛經驗的人都開著破普銳斯湧入倫敦，車立刻趴窩。感覺如同召集世界大廚一起做飯一樣窒息。印度人猶猶豫豫，不知道要不要併線，前面就是波蘭那位把紅綠燈看作大獎賽起點的夥計，而敘利亞人捷足先登，左右腳同時大力油門離合，這其實還好，因為你聽不到黑出租司機在高談闊論些啥了

When the lights go green, everyone crashes into one another, except the southeast Asian man, because he』s going at 4mph, in fifth, the wrong way down a one-way street, wondering what the bump he just felt was. And then is alarmed to find it was a bearded cyclist that he』s just run over.

And the problem is you can』t lump all minicab drivers into one pot. They all do different things all the time. The only thing you know for sure is if the Prius is in the left lane, indicating left, it doesn』t mean it』s going to turn left.

綠燈一亮，每個人都只能互相懟懟懟，除了東南亞人，因為他用5檔切著4MPH的速度，逆向行駛於單行道，還在想剛才的碰撞是個啥。然後突然發現自己壓過了一個騎車的老頭兒。問題是你不能讓計程車司機召集到一起。他們隨時都有自己的事兒。只不過左轉道的普銳斯打著左轉燈，並不意味著這車一定左轉

The upshot is that the Prius is now the worst-driven car in Britain. Or, rather, it was until I borrowed an Audi RS 3 recently. You probably heard me, because every time I started it up, the exhaust system made machinegun noises at the sort of volume that scared birds five miles away. It was fun the first time but a bit wearing after six days. No matter. It has the same 2.5-litre five-cylinder turbo engine you get in the Audi TT RS, and that』s a car I love very much.

好處是你能知道英國最爛的市售車就是普銳斯。或者說，直到我試駕的RS3出現前是最爛的。你可能聽得到我的車，但每次啟動，排氣管的機槍轟鳴都能讓5里外的飛鳥魂飛魄散。第一次聽挺有趣，但6天過後，就乏善可陳了。儘管這車有著TT RS的2.5五缸發動機，而我很喜歡TT RS

It produces nearly 400bhp and in a car the size of the RS 3 — think Hot Wheels — that means 0 to 62mph is dealt with in about no time at all. The potential top speed is 174mph unless you want it to be 155mph. I』m not sure why the former is an option, but it is.

該車將近400HP而對於RS3的尺寸—想想風火輪—也就是說百公里基本即刻到達。潛能巨大的極速174MPH，除非155MPH才是你的口味。我不知道為啥174是選裝，但誠然如此

Of course for many years there have been Audis that could travel quickly in a straight line, but in the recent past we』ve started to see Audis that can go round corners quickly as well. This is another. With sensors and algorithms on hand to decide which of the four wheels gets the power, the RS 3 is a car that just flies down a country lane. It』s a joy.

當然多年來都有直線極快的燈廠，但近來奧迪也能高速攻彎了。還有一點，感測器和運算決定了哪個輪子獲得動力，RS3可以疾馳於鄉村小道。十分有趣

It also feels beautifully made and, provided you leave it in Comfort mode, it』s firm but not hideously bumpy. However, there are two reasons why I could not and would not buy this car. Well, three, if you include the ￡45,250 price tag. That is a lot for a car of this size, no matter how much grip』n』go it』s got.

做工感覺極其優美，而且如果選擇舒適模式，底盤硬朗而不彈跳。然而，有倆原因我不能也不會買這車….好吧，仨，如果再包括45250的價格。這尺寸的車算是很貴的，無論操控與速度多強

But worse is the sat nav system. Even when you』re used to it — and I am — it』s a fiddle to use. You have to take two steps backwards all the time to move one step forwards. It needs to be simplified.

但最糟的是導航。即使你習慣了這導航—比如我—還是很扯。倒車兩步才能前進一步。這種必須簡化

And then there are the brakes, which screeched every time I went near the pedal. You may say this is a one-off and that the car cannot be dismissed because of a scratched pad or an errant pedal. True enough, but this is the third Audi RS on the trot that』s come to me with the same problem.

然後就是制動，稍微一踩就開始尖叫。你可能說這是該車獨一無二的特點,也不能因此否定這車的成功。誠然如此，但這是RS第三次出這個問題了

To try to drive round it, I found myself coasting in neutral up to red lights, but this is tricky in London because a Prius usually arrives on the scene from nowhere and you have to brake to miss it. So then I adopted a last-of-the-late-brakers attitude, cruising up to the stop sign and then jamming on the brakes at the last moment.

要試圖開車遛彎兒，我發現我一直N檔溜到紅燈，但這在倫敦很麻煩因為普銳斯總會突然閃現，必須制動才能躲過去。所以我使用「極致延遲」剎車戰術,一直開到停止標誌然後大力剎車

This rarely stopped the screeching, but at least when you do a sudden emergency stop, you don』t have to put up with the racket for long. It did, however, alarm quite a few other road users and I』d like to take this moment to apologise for being, for one week only, the worst driver in the country.

這很難停止摩擦聲，但至少當你緊急制動時，你不必放根棍子來停穩。然而，這車的確會打擾路上其他人，而我的確也願意為當了一周英國最爛司機致歉

總評3星

One of the best cars I wouldnt want to own

我不願意擁有的好車之一

At a glance—驚鴻一瞥

• Handling 操控 4星
• Comfort 舒適 3星
• Performance 性能 4星
• Interior 內飾 4星
• Practicality 實用性 3星
• Costs 價格 2星

Pros

欽定

Great pace and presence

出眾的性能與氣場

Fun on winding roads

曲折路面十分有趣

Superb build quality

做工非凡

Cons

批判

Far from cheap

遠算不上便宜

Squeaky brakes

尖叫的制動

Annoying sat nav system

煩人的導航

翻譯：GearKnobs字幕組—進化世代（ALMF3512）