Q&A

Faaany: Hi Jenny, what do you think about big age difference (

>=10) in a relationship?

A: I dated some guys who are 10 years older

than me and my experience is that it is hard for us to be on the same page

-sometimes I didnt see them attractive and other times I found out

that what we were looking for in a relationship is different. If you are

attracted to someone who is much younger or older than you, as long as you

could feel the chemistry and you two share the same values I dont see the age be a big problem.

Most of the time, the value, goal, personality, how much he loves you and how

much he is willing to compromise are more important than age, height, weight

etc.

Max Chiang: Hi Jenny, first congratulations on the new phase of your life.

I knew a girl for more than two years, but we just started to date about 2

weeks ago. The problem is that we are so familiar with each other. So could you

give me some tips on how to spice up our romantic life.

A: My experience is that I could have known

someone for 10 years but still feel myself not know that person well enough.

For example, I have known my best friend in middle school for years, but still

I got shocked to see her spend so much time chasing movie stars in the airport.

You said you started to date 2 weeks ago. Maybe after 2 months when you spend

more time with her, you will find out the other part of her that you are not

familiar with. Also, you might try something different on a date. For example,

if you usually go for a movie on a date, maybe you could try go skiing or

hiking next time. Later on she would be more willing to share her feelings and

worries with you if the relationship went well.

徐溧: What should I do if I do not want have a baby but my

girlfriend do？ OK, this seems not a dating

question.....

A: You could either spend more time with her

and see if you two can come up with a mutual agreement or look for someone who

shares the same value with you. In my case, I am definitely not ready to have a

baby, and I have been sharing my feelings with my husband since we started

dating. He understands me and we come up with a agreement to wait for 3 years

and see how it goes. Talking to her and sharing with her your real feelings so

she wont get a surprise. At the end, I believe you will come up with a

decision.

邱央: Hi Jenny ! I met a guy several months ago

and I had a rush on him But things seemes didnt go smoothly . We dont have So

many topics to chat and he becomes not that into me. I tried to keep in touch

with him but he didnt response that actively. What should I do? Stop here and

say goodbye? Or How to make our relationship closer?

A: Do nothing! I have been in your shoes so I totally understand how you feel. I can confidently tell you that you do not need to do anything to that person if he does not contact you or take efforts to have a relationship with you. Whatever his reason is to not actively respond you, you only need to take care of yourself and focus on yourself. Also, before you start a serious relationship, you should have an open mind to date other people so you wont worry too much if one falls through. Been there. Done that.

ZhijunZhao: your Wonderful marriage and the life you expect both delivering my bless from me and my girlfriend, and I wanna to

arrive in a city she live, but there coldest than I suffered in my memory. I

cant thought What a people live here, but I wann it become my experience or

suffered for her.

A: I might be wrong but from what I understand you are talking about moving to your girlfriends city where you do not feel comfortable to live due to the cold weather. You see it as suffering and you would like to suffer for her. Honestly, I am not a big fan of long-distance relationship. I will not move to somewhere just to be with someone. Moving is a big deal. When you claim it to be suffering and think you are suffering for your girlfriend, I could imagine that one day when your relationship went south you would blame her for bringing you to the place that you dont appreciate. That will be a burden to her. If you are crazily in love with her, you would see moving to be with her as great honor. You would appreciate that she encouraged you to be with her instead of seeing it as your one-side compromising. You will not hesitate or complain. I do not know the details about your relationship but if possible I would encourage you two to talk everything through before making a big decision.

2333: emmm, i feel i have a long time from hearing

your story, maybe two years ago and you still looking for a partner..but right

now, i hope you have a happy ending. i just wonder, whats make him special?

and how you negotiate with each other when you have a conflict.. i read the

last article and you said he wish you to stay at home and become a housewife,

but you want to keep your career..so, it maybe a difficult task to be fixed..

A: Since you have followed my story for long enough, you must know that I am not very good or not very willing to compromise. I know what I want and I follow my heart instead of whatever somebody told me about. My husband is very good at compromising. Every time we had disagreement, he was the one coming up to me to apologize. Also, he gives me the feeling of having a home. On the 3rd date, he made 饅頭 from scratch. He is the 2nd person I know that knows how to make 饅頭and the first person is my grandmother. Its probably hard to understand but when I saw him cooking I felt like I have a home and family. I feel happy to be with him. As for the conflict we have, we have talked about it and agreed to wait for few years and see how it goes. People change their minds all the time, so instead of fighting to get an exact answer now, we would rather wait and see if we could finally find a perfect answer for both of us. Life is about finding answers to many many questions we come up on the journey.

Q: Hi Jenny .so I am dating with this man and he

said I am his girlfriend at our second dating,but he didn』t

ask me if I want to be his girlfriend ,so I am not sure if he is taking it

seriously ?One of my own problem is after so many times of long distance

relationship and all ended with heart broken I am so lack of courage to start

another new one ,I am not ready yet to accept the idea of I am his

girlfriend.He is now living in usa and comes to China every three months for

seeing me.i don』t know if we can work since everything

is not sure,should I be brave and accept it or should I be sense to walk away

from him?pls shade my name when it chosen.

A: If you didnt know this guy before you two started dating and on the 2nd date he claimed you as girlfriend without your permission, I would ignore him and walk away. A girlfriend boyfriend relationship is a big deal so if he did not respect you for that, I wont think he will respect you for other things. Also, I am not a fan of long-distance relationship because it will be hard to meet his friends and families whom he spends most of his time with. My experience taught me that in order to find the right one, we need to take courage to walk away from the wrong ones. The more time you waste on the wrong one, the less time you have to look for the right one.

Crozetta: Hi Jenny! I know it』s a cliché, but is it ok to stay in

touch with my ex?

A: I tried and got hurt badly. Two years ago on my birthday, I was feeling lonely so I invited my ex to have dinner with me. We met at grocery store and he grabbed all the food he wanted to eat and asked me to pay for everything. We bought 3 pieces of NY Strip steaks and he claimed that he wanted to biggest two pieces. Also, he said he bought me the subscription to some game website. When he tried to login to that website using the subscription he bought for me, he never got to login. He said that he would figure it out later but I never heard back from him about my birthday gift. The point is he does not care about me - he asked me to pay for his food and bought the game as gift even though he knows that I am not interested in video games. He is very selfish and rude. Could you believe that he was born in a very well educated family where his father is a well-known college professor and he himself is a phd in a Ivy League school? What is worse is that he parked his car illegally when he came to see me and he asked me to pay for his ticket. What a jerk! I was heart broken after that. So if you asked me, I would say NO! Do not talk to your ex anymore no matter how nice he is. There is a reason why you broke up. If that reason stays the same, then no matter how many times you get back together you will break up again. If that has changed, you might give it a shot. But never think that you could just be friends! That wont happen. Also, men like to keep in touch with all their exes because they enjoy the attention from as many women as possible, not because that he still has special feeling for you. Move on and stop waste time on the wrong person. That is the best advice I could give to everyone.

Merry Christmas! I finally found a place that has stable wifi to answer all your questions during my vacation. Hope we will all have a good new year and become a better self.

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