作者：Lego Grad Student原文鏈接：
http://legogradstudent.tumblr.com/翻譯：Mon1st，譯文已獲作者授權。
-
這個樂高系列之前有貼在 在讀生物類博士的生活是怎麼樣的？ 這個問題下面，但其實適用於所有的博士生，甚至科研這個行業本身（當然只是一個側面）。正好最近開了一個博士生日常的專欄，以後就在這裡更新啦！
因為是持續更新，在這邊會倒序排列。第一次看的話從文章末尾開始看會比較好。
有條件的話請到 tumblr 評論/轉載/私信支持原作者喔！
-
Enduring a discussant』s dismissive comments on his paper, the grad student is amazed her neck is not dislocated from talking down so much.
討論組上有人對他的論文表示不屑，博士生想這人總是居高臨下地說話脖子居然還沒有斷真是太神奇了。
Filling out the 「Significance」 section of a grant proposal, the grad student gets a chance to exercise his creative writing skills.
寫到經費申請中「重要性」一欄，博士生得到機會實踐創造性寫作的能力。
Catching sight of a junior faculty member in a familiar position, the grad student is chilled by what little change his future could hold.
看到助理教授站在熟悉的地方，博士生在一陣涼意中彷彿看到了自己沒什麼改進的未來。
Hearing two advisors disagree about his dissertation, the grad student feels his brain and fate being torn in half.
兩個導師對他的畢業論文意見不合，博士生彷彿看見自己的未來和大腦一起被撕成了兩半。
Picking up a rare phone call with hopes of getting a flyout offer, the grad student slightly dies when he hears a telemarketer.
手機難得響了，博士生滿懷著「該不會是有offer」的希望接通了電話，結果發現是廣告，心好像又碎了一點點。
Wondering why nobody else is in the reading room, the grad student glumly realizes that it is a late Saturday night.
奇怪怎麼閱讀室里只有自己一個人，博士生得到一個悲傷的領悟：是周六晚上了。。。
Trying to grade sixty papers, read 800 pages, write three proposals, and reply to 50 e-mails in four days, the grad student simply cannot.博士生計劃在接下來的四天里：改六十篇學生論文；讀800頁文獻；寫三個申請書；回復50封郵件！哈 哈 哈，怎麼可能。
Borrowing the department credit card to buy supplies for an event, the grad student fleetingly considers running away and never coming back.借來系裡的信用卡買活動用的材料，博士生腦海中閃過從此遠走天涯的念頭。
Refashioning his reviewers』 rejection letters into confetti, the grad student emptily commemorates yet another failure.
博士生把審稿人拒信剪成碎屑，以紀念自己的又一次失敗。
Drowning in a committee member』s incredibly technical and perplexing suggestions, the grad student has no idea why his head is nodding.畢業委員會成員的技術性建議根本聽不懂，博士生只能不停地點頭。
Lying in his bed in silence, the grad student has no distractions that can drown out the soft murmurs of self-doubt swirling in his head.靜靜躺在床上，博士生無法驅趕腦中自我懷疑的聲音。
Failing to find a single functioning stapler, the grad student struggles to keep things together.訂書機全部都沒法用，博士生努力讓自己不發瘋。
Stopping by a former student』s graduation party, the grad student limply shakes the hand of the undergrad that he taught in her first year.在一個學生的畢業派對上，博士生與她無力地握手。他當她的助教時她才一年級。
Kicking off his last office hours before the first major paper is due, the grad student regrets not setting up an online appointment system.學生們紛紛來請教第一次大作業時，博士生為自己沒有建立網上預約系統感到十分後悔。
Being reminded of his childhood by his soft serve, the grad student flashes back to a time when he thought he would amount to something.被冰激凌勾起童年的回憶，博士生恍惚間回到了以為自己將會有所成就的曾經。
Preparing to ravenously stuff his face, the grad student catches the confused and pitying glances of two of his students.
正準備一頭埋進食物中，博士生看到兩個自己課上學生困惑而憐憫的眼神。
Scanning the smorgasbord at the dining hall, the grad student develops a plan of attack to eat away his sorrows.看著食堂的大雜燴菜單，博士生計劃大吃一頓來治療自己的悲傷。
Handing out his section syllabus, the grad student suppresses the thought that it will be his most widely read piece of writing.把討論課的大綱發給學生們，博士生努力抑制「這將是自己讀者最廣泛的一篇寫作」這個危險的想法。
Needing a letter of recommendation, the grad student begins to suspect that his advisor is avoiding him.
到了需要推薦信的時候，博士生開始懷疑導師是故意躲著他。
Perusing the latest journal issue, the grad student comes across an article that is uncomfortably similar to his dissertation.在最新一期期刊中，博士生讀到一篇和自己的畢業論文令人不適地相似的文章。
Seeing some colleagues head to an invite-only reading group, the grad student needs no book to know he is unwanted.看著幾個同事前往一個邀請才能加入的讀書會，博士生不需要書本來告訴他自己不被需要。
Mulling over what his lackluster conference trip revealed about his life, the grad student takes a brief break from reality.思索著自己乏善可陳的會議旅程揭示了自己人生的什麼，博士生短暫地逃離了現實。
Updating an old friend in the city about his life, the grad student hears himself say the word 「still」 a disconcerting number of times.向住在城市的老朋友更新自己的生活，博士生聽到自己說了太多次「還是」。
Visiting the office of a colleague that recently became an assistant professor, the grad student stifles a deep sigh.參觀一個最近拿到助理教授職位的同事，博士生髮出無聲的長嘆。
Conversing with a very impressive presenter, the grad student withers when he learns that she is a rising second-year.和一個特別厲害的演講人聊天，博士生髮現她是才剛二年級，受到了一萬點暴擊。
Attending the panel that rejected his paper proposal, the grad student inwardly trashes each presenter』s research.
參加一個拒絕了他提交論文的討論組，博士生在內心中把每一個演講人的研究都批得體無完膚。
Drawing the motel』s blinds with hopes for a better and brighter day, the grad student faces a brick wall.打開廉價旅館的窗帘以期看到更好和更光明的一天，博士生面對著的是一堵牆。
Recognizing a renowned scholar at a reception, the grad student is sucked into a black hole of panic and worthlessness.在招待會上認出一個著名學者，博士生陷入慌張和價值感缺失的黑洞。
Checking that the coast is clear, the grad student makes his third casual pass at the free cookies at the large exhibition stall.看好四下無人，博士生第三次若無其事地走過一個參展商的免費餅乾。
Spotting multiple errors on his poster, the grad student is almost relieved that nobody is looking at his research.發現自己的海報上有數處錯誤，博士生幾乎慶幸沒有人來看他的研究。
Saving money on the conference by sleeping in a budget motel, the grad student sits in the glow of an old TV that is brighter than his future.為了存錢而住在廉價旅館的博士生，坐在床上看著比自己的前途更光明的老式電視。
Flying to a conference, the grad student loses the ability to finish some last-minute work.在去一個學術會議的飛機上，博士生失去了踩線完成工作的機會。
Overhearing some business school students complain about their workload, the grad student tells himself to breathe and slowly count to ten.聽到商業學院的學生抱怨他們的工作量，博士生告訴自己深呼吸並慢慢數到十。
Soaking in a committee member』s advice, the grad student marvels at how the professor』s random thoughts eclipse several months of his dissertation work.沉浸在委員會成員的指導中，博士生想不通為什麼教授隨便的想法就超過了他畢業論文幾個月的工作。
Lounging on the toilet, the grad student has the five most productive minutes of his day.坐在馬桶上，博士生度過他每天最有生產力的五分鐘。
Feeling no less confined after coming to a spacious coffee shop, the grad student confronts the reality that his work is his prison.來到一間寬敞的咖啡廳卻沒有感覺到束縛減輕，博士生不得不面對他的工作就是他的監獄這個現實。
Having spent the whole weekend coming up with one remotely useful comment, the grad student deflates as a classmate makes the point first.用了整個周末來想出一個稍微有點用的評論，點子卻被同學搶先說出來，博士生泄了氣。
Fearing that he will be cold-called, the grad student glares at the professor in an audacious game of reverse psychology.擔心他會被叫到提問，博士生大膽採用反轉心理學盯著教授。
Explaining why he gave the paper a D-, the grad student is informed that the undergrad is the son of a major university donor.向學生解釋為什麼給對方的文章評分D-，博士生被告知這個本科生是學校大金主的兒子。
Meeting a date for dinner, the grad student is trapped in a restaurant far exceeding his food budget.和約會對象共進晚餐，博士生被困在了一個遠超自己食物預算的飯店。
Tripping over the VGA cable, the grad student severs his research』s connection with the physical world.被VGA數據線絆倒，博士生切斷了他的研究與現實世界的唯一聯繫。
Listening to a professor』s remarks, the grad student learns that 「three small points」 means 「three missiles designed to obliterate your work and self-worth.」聽著教授的評論，博士生意識到「三個小問題」的意思是「三顆專門用來摧毀你的工作和自我價值的導彈」
Coming to a particularly flimsy slide, the grad student nervously watches dozens of eyes stare at the work of a fraud.講到一張特別水的演示文稿，博士生緊張地看著台下幾十雙洞察他小把戲的眼睛。
Taking a question, the grad student grits his teeth listening to a first-year』s delusionally grandiose suggestion.被提問打斷的博士生咬著牙聽一個一年級生給他提出不 (sang) 切 (xin) 實 (bing) 際 (kuang) 的建議。
Setting up his laptop for a workshop presentation, the grad student realizes he forgot to bring his dongle.在演講前準備自己的筆記本時，博士生髮現沒有帶視頻介面轉換頭。
Peering over a vast empty office, the grad student dubs himself the King of Loneliness.看著空蕩蕩的辦公室，博士生自封為孤獨之王。
Checking the mail for news about his fellowship application, the grad student finds a thin envelope.博士生去信箱看申請的獎學金有沒有消息，發現一個薄信封。
Complaining about his advisor to a colleague over coffee, the grad student chooses an inopportune moment to ignore his surroundings.在跟同事喝咖啡說導師壞話時，博士生不幸沒有注意自己的周圍。
Finding no coffee left at the front office, the grad student deems his day effectively over.
咖啡機里沒有咖啡，博士生決定這一天就此結束。
Walking by first-years excitedly talking about research, the grad student faintly remembers a time when he was just as naive, misguided, and unbroken.路過一群正在興奮地討論科研的一年級生，博士生隱約回憶起自己也曾經如此天真，無知，完整。
Dropping the barbell on his head, the grad student feels mild solace knowing that he could not have become any dumber.把杠鈴砸在自己頭上的博士生意識到自己已經不可能更蠢了，感到一陣欣慰。
Exercising on the treadmill, the grad student is well-trained to feel exhausted while going nowhere.在跑步機上鍛煉的博士生早已習慣了在一事無成的同時感到筋疲力盡。
Revising his paper, the grad student is unable to replicate his own statistical results.修改著他的文章，博士生無法重現自己的統計數據。
Sifting through the library』s basement stacks, the grad student cannot tell whether the musty smell is from the old books or his withering soul.在圖書館的地下室找書時，博士生分不清這股發霉的味道是來自於舊書還是自己逐日凋落的靈魂。
Taking a late-night break from work, the grad student is locked out of his department and his mind.深夜暫停工作回到家，博士生被鎖在了他的公寓和他的理智之外。
Eating his stolen sandwiches in the stairwell, the grad student contemplates how his life has come to this.坐在樓梯間吃著偷來的三明治，博士生不禁思考他的人生是怎麼落到這般境界。
Picking up sandwiches with great relish, the grad student is caught red-handed by the disgruntled administrative assistant.博士生滿懷欣喜地拿起三明治，卻被一臉怒容的助理逮個正著。
Starving from a food-deprived afternoon, the grad student deeply covets the gourmet sandwiches left outside the next workshop.一個下午沒吃到東西，飢腸轆轆的博士生眼巴巴地望著隔壁門外的美味三明治。
Glaring at the glutton grabbing the last three pieces of pizza, the grad student is seized by a surge of animalistic rage.盯著一次拿走了最後三塊披薩的饕餮者，博士生全身充滿了野獸一樣的憤怒。
Arriving two minutes before the start of workshop, the grad student breaks into a cold sweat watching the pizza quickly dwindle away.在小型研討會開始前兩分鐘到場的博士生陷入披薩將被拿完的恐慌，冒出陣陣冷汗。
Having packed academic books on terrorism to read on his way home, the grad student receives special attention at airport security.回家的行李中裝了很多關於恐怖主義的學術書籍，博士生在機場安檢處受到了特別關注。
Opening the grad kitchen refrigerator, the grad student smells a potent lesson on the tragedy of the commons.打開同事們合用的冰箱門，博士生聞到公地悲劇的強烈味道。**
Managing to close the elevator doors on his advisor, the grad student cannot escape the glare of betrayal that will haunt his nightmares.成功在導師進門前關上了電梯門，博士生卻無法逃脫導師控訴著背叛的眼神，感覺晚上會做惡夢。
Noticing his advisor walking into the building, the grad student frantically attempts to close the elevator doors.意識到導師正在走進大廳，博士生拚命按電梯門上的「關門」鍵。
Giving up on the jammed printer, the grad student finds a way to control at least one thing in his life.放棄修理卡住的印表機，博士生終於找到一件生活中可以被自己控制的事情。
Clearing yet another paper jam, the grad student sees an uncomfortably close parallel between himself and the printer.印表機又卡住了。博士生意識到自己和印表機之間令人不適的相似之處。
Sprawling in his bedroom, the grad student desperately struggles to remember the feeling of happiness.在自己的卧室地上到處亂爬，博士生絕望地試圖回憶起快樂的感覺。
Turning his head at the sound of familiar footsteps, the grad student realizes that he did not properly lock the bathroom door.聽到熟悉的腳步聲，博士生轉過頭，意識到自己沒有鎖好門。
Reeling from his meeting with his advisor, the grad student takes a moment alone to reflect.見過導師後，博士生踉踉蹌蹌地走到安靜的地方獨自反省。
Stepping out of his advisor』s office, the grad student exchanges a brief yet intense thousand-yard stare with the next person in line.走出導師的辦公室，博士生和下一個人交換短暫而熾烈的創傷對視*
Sitting in front of his advisor, the grad student wonders whether the professor』s lack of eye contact stems from bitter disappointment or profound apathy.坐在導師對面，博士生想知道教授為何不看他的眼睛——是徹底的失望還是深刻的不在乎？
Waiting outside his advisor』s office, the grad student ponders what tattered remains of his dignity will survive the meeting.等在導師辦公室外，博士生懷疑他僅剩的尊嚴能否承受住這次會面的打擊。
Suffering from writer』s block, the grad student stares at a screen as empty as his hopes and dreams.受困於文思枯竭，博士生盯著和他的希望與理想一樣空白的屏幕。-
譯者的一些話
-
我想說，分享這組樂高的一部分原因是我覺得它們毫無疑問（可能是太過真實地）描述了我們生活中令人沮喪的一方面：不斷的自我懷疑，對研究項目是否能成功的不確定感，和極為殘酷的競爭（包括學術和就業）。但另一個原因也是覺得這些令人沮喪的特徵值得正視——我們認識到自己選擇了一條困難的道路，但我們也願意承受這些困難和風險，因為我們相信得到的獎賞是值得為之付出的。不是嗎？
如果有人因為看到這組樂高而更沮喪了，那就太對不起啦！我分享它們的本意是覺得作者的創意很好，而且很有共鳴——
你的沮喪不是一個人喔！不同國家不同專業的我們都有著十分類似的體驗呀。另一方面，
讀博士也不是只有痛苦沒有歡樂的嘛~ 做自己認為最有價值的，可能短期內不會有什麼經濟效益的事情，這樣還能拿工資——這本身就是很值得慶幸的事情呀~ 而且身邊有那麼多志趣相同的科學家可以聊各種想法，不也是一件值得高興的事情嗎？
-
* thousand-yard stare, 直譯為千碼盯，是戰場回來的士兵或其他重大創傷受害者常有的空洞眼神。** tragedy of the commons, 公地悲劇，見wikipedia.org 的頁面
推薦閱讀：
