他的錯誤也許就是你的：學生六分習作精批範例：針對兒童的廣告是否應該禁止

針對兒童的廣告是否應該被禁止

Nowadays a large amount of advertising aiming at children should be banned because of the negative effects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

As the society and economy are advancing by leaps and bounds , the way people advertise has undergone a noticeable and far-reaching transformation （傳媒類話題不要這樣寫，很牽強，with the advent of information age, advertising has found its own way into every corner of people』s daily life）. Under this circumstance, an absolute consensus can hardly be reached whether advertisement（複數） should be banned among children（這句話寫錯了，不是廣告是否應該在兒童中禁止，而是針對兒童的廣告是否應該禁止，advertisements whose target aims at children should be prohibited） . For my part, I side with the opponents to a larger extent.

It is universally acknowledged that everyone can gain swift and convenient access to the information of products and fashionable tendency by advertisement(複數) , at the same time(and meanwhile) , children also can learn about what goods they like or （are）interested in . Besides, it goes beyond any doubt that non-profit advertise（advertisements） impose positive influence on children, which can enhance children』s overall awareness , instill right moral value(values) to children(into children』s minds) . Thus, it is necessary for children to watch some advertisement(複數) .

However , it has to be admittedly that nowadays society is flooded with fictitious advertise（advertisements） , some indecent seller(some of which are inclined to) exaggerate the function of their products with the aim to earn more profit（複數） .Meanwhile, some fake and inferior products in advertisement（複數） exert detrimental effect on children』s physical and mental health. And children have no enough ability to control themselves to resist the temptation of misleading information in advertisement（複數）, so they are not inclined to go astray .Therefore , children are supposed to choose right and beneficial advertisement.

(可以參考下這樣寫：Meanwhile, some of the advertisements can be deceptive. In order to pursue profits to a larger degree, some companies may deliberately exaggerate the advantages of their products and hide those potential risks. As a result, children may pester their parents to buy these goods which turn out to be not exactly the same.)

Based on the above analysis, children should not be banned advertisement,（這句話語法錯誤，children-aimed advertisements can bring both positive and negative effects. Instead of banning them,） but the government should strengthen the supervision over advertisement and impose rigid censorship.

6分，還是有很多地方可以變得更好，所以要精益求精的。努力