開掛的人生背後，到底要付出多少

01-29

當你看到一些人很輕鬆順利地就獲得了令人印象深刻的成就時，你很容易就歸因於他們的家教，家庭背景和優勢；或者認為他們能找到熱愛的事情是運氣使然；又或者覺得那個人就是比其他人命好。

每當我聽到人們分享了類似於這樣的想法，我都會覺得他們想得太單純了，甚至很天真。因為我曾和很多成功人士打過交道，他們的生活看上去很輕鬆，很順利，很成功，但往往這份成功都是他們應得的。

表面現象是怎麼樣的？

一個很好的例子是Iris Hormann，一個我最近在一場活動談過話的女士。她是某全球英語培訓機構的亞洲區總裁，充滿活力，人很nice，看上去就是問題描述的那種輕鬆順利地成為出眾且成功的人。

在聽了她分享的背景故事後，我才發現除了擁有一份極為成功的跨國事業，她還有4個漂亮的孩子，其中三胞胎是兒子，另外一個女兒只比兒子們小12月。所以有一段時間，她要對付4個未滿1周歲的孩子！

除此之外，她還完成過一次超長距離挑戰——背著所有裝備和食物，四天橫穿冰島。相當於5個馬拉松！為了這次挑戰，她訓練了兩年。六個月前，她還完成了鐵人三項，而且又花了兩年時間訓練。她在描述這些事情時，雲淡風輕，聽上去簡單極了。

實際上是怎樣的？

觀眾問她是如何在這麼多事情中維持平衡的，她提到以下幾點：

她對挑戰的看法：沒有什麼是不可能的！——在發現自己懷了三胞胎時，每個人都說，之後她要當全職媽媽了。擁有這樣一份常常需要出國出差的職業幾乎是不可能完成的任務。但她十分熱愛自己的事業，不想就這樣放棄，於是堅持了下來：一直工作到上產床，生完孩子後六個星期就回到了公司。當然，她的父母也幫了很大的忙，但最重要的還是她堅定不移追求自己想要生活的決心。
她處理好一切事情的方法：睡眠沒那麼重要——在剛開始面臨工作生活平衡這一極大的挑戰時，她就和公司的一位導師談了這個問題。在聽完她的描述後，導師說，「Iris，我個人是覺得睡眠沒那麼重要」。從此，她就一直秉承著這一理念：平均每天都5點起床，午夜才睡覺。
她的日常生活：有條理、專心——起床後，她會馬上跑步，這是專屬於自己的時間。之後，她會陪孩子一起，為她們準備早餐，送他們上學。在孩子們睡覺前，她會陪伴更多時間。開車上班的時間屬於她和丈夫，之後當然就是充實忙碌的工作日了。這一切都需要大量規劃和自律（她說這是因為自己身上有德國血統！）。
她對自我的看法：每天都一定要留出個人時間——Iris說，跑步、游泳、騎車除了有益健康，還有一點好處：在這些時間裡，沒有人能打擾到她。事實上，她也不希望有人打擾她。她會把這些時間用於清理思緒，整理規劃，讓生活重歸秩序。
她對成功的看法：積極、好奇、有韌性——這些不僅是Iris的核心特質，還是她工作公司和同事所秉承的核心價值觀，也是她之所以能在這家公司工作20年的一大原因。她的日常工作和辦公環境養育著這些她頗為重視的特質，這不僅給她帶來了成功的事業，還帶來了成功的生活。
她對家庭的看法：我幸福了，我周圍的人也會幸福——很早之前，Iris和丈夫就做了一個簡單的選擇，也因此奠定了他們生活和家庭的基調：只要他們倆幸福健康，孩子和家庭也會幸福健康。因此這些年來，他們一直支持對方去做能讓他們幸福、健康的事情，自己也一直致力於做這些事情。

成功的原因不是只有一個

當然，家庭背景好能給你帶來更多資源和機遇。我自己就出身於這樣一個家庭，也因此能更容易做到許多別人難以做到的事。不過，把自己熱愛的事情當成工作會讓許多事情都變得輕鬆、順利許多。我很幸運，我的熱情所在（幫助別人變得更加成功）和工作（自己開了一家獵頭和人才發展公司）很好地結合到了一起，這使得我能更直接、自然地追逐許多事情。雖然有些人生來就比別人幸運，但我相信大多數成功人士會說，運氣或時機只是他們成功的一個因素。

我見過許多功成名就的人，他們之所以達到今天的地位，其中一大原因是他們「應得的」。你看上去覺得他們又輕鬆，又順利，但這實際上是因為他們的付出，他們的水平都比我們多得多，高得多。他們在各自領域萬分努力地工作，在與他人打交道時慷慨相助，他們有犧牲，挺過了十分艱難困苦的時光，克服了心中的害怕和疑慮，堅持著自己的信念，在人生關鍵時刻展現出驚人的勇氣。Iris就是很好的例子，她付出許多，因此在生活和工作中也做出了相應成就，並享受其中。

重點在於你的特質

雖然我在人才行業呆了20多年了，但我自己還在研習成功。有些人擁有相似，甚至更優越的背景，但他們的成就就是不如別人，其中的原因我非常感興趣。為什麼會這樣呢？

我寫過兩本與職業發展相關的書目。在撰寫過程中，我採訪了許多成功人士，也通過自己的獵頭公司接觸到許多成功人士。我可以告訴你，這些能取得矚目成就，過上令人羨艷生活的人，基本上都擁有像Iris這樣的特質：充滿活力，對待事情積極樂觀，充滿自信，看事情時不會過於悲觀，不會產生受害者想法。許多人都十分謙遜，對現狀充滿感激，他們知道為了走到今天這一步，他們付出了多少。

人人都有高潮和低谷

和你我一樣，他們也經歷過高潮和低谷。他們也有心酸的故事，只是你不知道而已。

例如，我母親的一生十分充實，80多歲時，她看上去依然十分祥和、滿足。子子孫孫都愛她、仰慕她，朋友和親人都與她親近，她也曾擁有一段既對她有意義，又對別人產生著深刻影響的事業。她總是說，她的成就遠遠超出她的期望。

但如果有人說她的人生就是輕輕鬆鬆，就是運氣好，那就太侮辱人了。她上了一所三流天主教女子大學，水平在平均線以下，婚姻不幸，最後還離婚了。快30歲時，她才開始自己的職業生涯，那時3個孩子都不到五歲。那時的她必須做出艱難的抉擇，犧牲許多事情，最重要的是，要像拚命三娘一樣工作。這種生活無論如何也說不上輕鬆。

為什麼成功人士會讓你產生這種想法？

我不覺得自己是成功人士。我也犯過錯誤，要是能重來一遍的話，有些事我也會換一種做法。老實說，到我這個階段，我應該已經打造出一個商業帝國了。我也做過一些不錯的事情，但不錯的程度遠遠沒達到我年輕時的想像。

儘管如此，我的感受依然和我母親一樣——感激、充實。我享受人生，積極樂觀，對目前擁有的一切非常滿意。努力工作，克服困難，知道為了走到今天這一步自己付出了多少努力，這些都會給你的思緒帶來一絲寧靜。一直都在盡自己最大努力，毫無遺憾，這種態度和做法會給內心深處帶來某種悸動。你表面上看到成功人士生活輕鬆、順利，我覺得實際上，你看到的是他們這種滿足、無悔的態度和感受。

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What Impressive Success Looks Like Below The Surface

When

you see someone who has achieved something impressive and makes it look smooth

and easy, it』s easy to attribute that person』s success to their upbringing,

family situation, or advantages. Or to think that they were lucky to find their

passion for what they do, or that the person was just meant to be more

fortunate than others.

Whenever

I hear people share such thoughts, I just think how simplistic they are. Even

na?ve. Because in my experience meeting
many highly successful people who have lives that look smooth and easy, the
biggest, most common factor behind their success is that they earn it.

What it looks like on
the surface

great example is Iris Hormann, a woman I just met at an event I spoke at recently.

She』s the president of Asia for a global English training company. She』s

energetic, friendly, and just a super-nice person. Essentially, the type of

person who makes outstanding success look smooth and easy.

listening to her share her background, I found out that besides an extremely

successful, international career, she』s also the mother of 4 beautiful kids

that include triplet boys and a daughter that』s just 12 months younger. So at

one point in her life, she had four kids under the age of one at the same time!

top of this, she』s also done an ultra-long distance challenge, where she ran

across the country of Iceland in four days while carrying all her gear and food

on her back. That』s the equivalent of running five marathons! She trained for

this event for two years. Six weeks ago, she also completed an Ironman

triathlon, which she spent another two years training for. In describing her

life, it all sounded easy-peasy for her.

What it looks like
below the surface

But

when the audience began asking her questions about how she managed to achieve

and balance so much, these things really stood out:

Her approach to challenges: Nothing is impossible! – When she found out she was
going to have triplets, everyone told her that it looked like she』d be a
full-time mom from now on. It was impossible for her to maintain her career,

which required her to travel often internationally. But she loved her job and
didn』t want to give it up. So she didn』t. She worked until the day before
delivering her 3 sons and was back at work six weeks later. Of course, she got
a lot of help from her parents, but her determination to find ways to pursue
what she loved was impressive.
Her approach to fitting
everything in: Sleep is overrated – When she began facing the
huge challenge of balancing her family and career, she talked to a mentor in
her company. After listening to her describe her situation, he told her, 「Well,
you know, Iris, personally, I think that sleep is overrated.」 It』s a philosophy
that she』s lived by ever since. Her average day starts at 5am and ends at

midnight.
Regarding her approach to her
day: Organized and focused – Right after getting up,
Iris starts each day with a run for some personal time for herself. After her
run, she spends some quality time with her kids while she fixes breakfast for
them and sends them off to school. She spends more quality time with them
before they go to bed. Her quality time with her husband happens during their
drive to work together. And then, of course, she has a very full, busy day at
work. It all requires a lot of planning and discipline (she says this comes
from her German side!).
Her approach to herself: The importance of me-time every day – Besides the health
benefits, Iris says that the great thing about running, swimming, and biking is

that nobody can reach her. Actually, she doesn』t want to be reached. This is
her time every day to clear her head, sort things out, and put her life in
order.
Her approach to her success: Be positive, curious, and resilient – These aren』t just Iris』
core qualities, they』re also the core values of the company she works for and
the people she works with. It』s why she』s been at her company for 20 years now.
Her daily job and work situation nurture those things that she feels are most
important for her to achieve not just a successful career, but a successful
life.
Her approach to her family: If I』m happy those around me will be happy
too –
Early on, Iris and her husband made a simple choice that defined their approach
to their life and family. If they were happy and healthy, their kids and family
environment would be happy and healthy too. So throughout the years, they』ve supported whatever each other feels
will most make them happy and healthy, and then committed themselves to fully
pursue and achieve those things.

How success is achieved
isn』t based on just one thing

For

sure, coming from a good family situation provides you more resources and

opportunities. Growing up in such a family myself, I』ve had access to certain

things that were more easily available to me than most others. And aligning

your work with what you have a passion for does make what you do more easy,

smooth and successful. I』ve also been fortunate to combine my passion (helping

people be more successful) with my work (running my own recruitment and talent

development company), which allow me to pursue many things in a more

straightforward, natural way. As to how some people』s lives are just meant to

be more fortunate than others, I believe most successful people will say that

there was an element of luck or timing to their success.

But

from the people I know who have achieved impressive success, the overwhelming

common factor among them is that they earn it. What looks to you to be just easy and smooth is actually based on
things that they do much more and better than the rest of us. They work
especially hard at what they do. They』re extremely generous and giving in

their approach to others. They make sacrifices. They fight through very

difficult, challenging times. They overcame their fears and doubts. They stick

to their beliefs and show great courage at critical points in their lives. Iris

is a great example of what a person puts into having the type of life that she

has achieved and enjoys.

It』s more about the
type of person you are

As a

talent industry professional for over 20 years, I refer to myself as a student

of success. I』m fascinated by why some are able to achieve it better than

others who have similar and even better backgrounds. How and why does this

happen?

I』ve

interviewed many successful people while writing my two career development

books and met many others through my recruitment firm. I can tell you that

those who achieve impressive success and live enviable lives have similar

qualities, like Iris. They』re energetic. They have a positive attitude towards

things and an inner confidence. They don』t have an overly negative view of

things, or view themselves as a victim of circumstances. Most are very humble

and grateful for everything they』ve achieved. Because they know what it took to

attain the things they have.

Everyone has their ups
and downs

And just like you and me, they』ve also

had their ups and downs. They all have their stories. You just don』t know about
them.

For instance, my mom has lived a full life. At over

80 years old, she looks peaceful and content. She has the love and admiration

of her kids and grandkids. She has friends and relatives that are very close to

her. And she』s had an amazing career that』s been meaningful to her and had a

significant impact on many. She always says that what she』s achieved has

exceeded all her expectations.

But to think that she』s had an easy life filled with

good fortune would be incredibly insulting to her. Idiotic even. She went to a

3rd tier, all women』s, catholic college. She was a below average

student. She had an unhappy marriage, which ended in divorce. She began her

career in her late 20s, with three kids all under five years old. She had to

make some tough choices, sacrifice many things, and, above all, work her ass

off. By no means did things come easy to her.

What gives successful
people that look you see

One

last thing. I don』t view myself as successful. I』ve made mistakes. There are

things I could have done differently. Actually, by this time in my career, I

thought I』d have built a business empire by now. I』ve done some good things,

but not even close to what I had in mind when I was younger.

Still,

I have a similar feeling as my mom. I feel gratitude, appreciation, and a sense

of fulfillment. I enjoy my life. I』m positive and feel good about what I have. What I can tell you is that there』s a
peace of mind that comes from working hard, beating the odds, and knowing what
you』ve done to achieve what you have. There』s something deep and heartfelt that
you feel from always giving your very best, and not having regrets. When

you see people that you feel live such easy, smooth, successful lives, this is

what I believe you』re actually seeing.