讀詩 · 運氣

雷蒙德·卡佛《運氣》

我當時九歲。

從小我就

離不開酒。我的朋友們

也喝，可是他們能控制。

我們會帶上煙捲、啤酒、

兩三個女孩，

出門去要塞那邊。

我們會做些傻事。

有時候你裝作

不省人事，好讓女孩

來察看你。

她們會把手

擱到你的褲子上面，

而你躺在那兒憋著

不笑出聲，要麼

她們會往後靠，

閉上眼睛，

讓你摸遍她們全身。

有次開派對時我爸爸

去後面陽台

小便。

我們能聽到人們說話

比電唱機還響，

看到人們隨便站著

哈哈笑著喝酒。

我爸爸完事後

拉上褲鏈，看了一會兒

燦爛星空——當時

夏天的夜晚

總是星光燦爛——

然後又進屋。

女孩們得回家了。

我和我最好的朋友

在要塞睡了一整夜。

我們親嘴唇，

互相觸摸。

我看見快到早晨時

星星隱去。

看到一個女的睡在

我家草坪上。

我看看她的裙子，

然後拿了瓶啤酒

還有一根煙。

朋友們，我當時覺得這

就是生活。

屋裡，有人

在一罐芥末醬里弄熄了煙。

那瓶酒我喝了杯純的，然後

喝了口不涼的冰鎮果汁酒，

然後又喝了杯威士忌。

儘管我去了一個

又一個房間，家裡沒人。

真是運氣啊，我想。

好多年後，

我還想放棄

朋友、愛情、燦爛星空，

換座無人在家的

房子，無人回來，

酒想喝多少有多少。

I was nine years old.

I had been around liquor

all my life. My friends

drank too, but they could handle it.

Wed take cigarettes, beer,

a couple of girls

and go out to the fort.

Wed act silly.

Sometimes youd pretend

to pass out so the girls

could examine you.

Theyd put their hands

down your pants while

you lay there trying

not to laugh, or else

they would lean back,

close their eyes, and

let you feel them all over.

Once at a party my dad

came to the back porch

to take a leak.

We could hear voices

over the record player

see people standing around

laughing and drinking.

When my dad finished

he zipped up, stared a while

at the starry sky -- it was

always starry then

on summer nights --

and went back inside.

The girls had to go home.

I slept all night in the fort

with my best friend.

We kissed on the lips

and touched each other.

I saw the stars fade

toward morning.

I saw a woman sleeping

on our lawn.

I looked up her dress,

then I had a beer

and a cigarette.

Friends, I though this

was living.

Indoors, someone

had put out a cigarette

in a jar of mustard.

I had a straight shot

from the bottle, then

a drink of warm collins mix,

then another whisky.

And though I went from room

to room, no one was home.

What luck, I thought.

Years later,

I still wanted to give up

friends, love, starry skies,

for a house where no one

was home, no one coming back,

and all I could drink.

（孫仲旭 譯）

題圖 "Luck" 來自 太空小孩