「醉後不知天在水，滿船清夢壓星河」如何翻譯成英文？

01-27

此句極美，出自唐人唐溫如的《題龍陽縣青草湖》，全詩為
西風吹老洞庭波，一夜湘君白髮多。

醉後不知天在水，滿船清夢壓星河

I dont know that God is flooding because of drunkenness , a boat of lite dreams are fucking the Galaxy .

（感覺自己宛如一個智障，請摺疊我）

說明：flood是網路語言，表示互聯網上的灌水。

上句話意為：因為喝醉了，所以我不知道老天爺在灌水；一船清淡的夢在壓住銀河系摩擦。

I was such a loser that i could not get laid ,

so i had to be a drinker then folks wont think im a gay

英文翻譯：After being drunk, it is no longer possible to distinguish the sky from the reflection of the sky on the water, the boat full of serene dream fleets on galexie .

法語翻譯： En étant ivre, il nest plus possible de savoir distinguer le ciel du reflet du ciel sur leau, le bateau plein de rêve serein flotte sur la galexie.

The west wind blew Dong Tings youthful face away;

Overnight, the Xiang travellers hair turned grey.

Drunk, he knows not the sky is afloat in the water;

A boat laden with sweet dreams weighs down the Milky Way.

引自何中堅譯之《原韻英譯唐詩精選》

As alcohol gets me dazed, by the sky and its reflection in water,

A full boat of dreaming burdens the clear river.

著實獻醜了一番，作拋磚引玉用並誠邀指證

何譯：

The west wind blew Dong Tings youthful face away;

Overnight, the Xiang travellers hair turned grey.

Drunk, he knows not the sky is afloat in the water;

A boat laden with sweet dreams weighs down the Milky Way.

我譯：

The West Wind wrinkled the Dong Ting Lake;

Overnight, the Xiangs hair had turned grey.

Drunk, I could not see that heaven has merged into the water;

Amidst a river of stars, a boat laden with sweet dreams lay.

醉後不知天在水，滿船清夢壓星河。

前面貼出來的何中堅翻譯已經足夠好了，然而有幾處不妥：

1. blew face away 把臉吹走？用wrinkle，既能體現皺紋，又能體現老，最佳；

2. Afloat in the river 真的很怪。這裡選用意譯。

3. weighs down 此詞過重，不如lay

4. Milky Way 顯然原詩所指為星星之河，而非銀河。直譯即可。

此為對照何中堅譯文所出修改本。

Drunk, cant distinguish sky and river;

boat with my dream, float in the Galaxy

Intoxicated, know not the night sky is drifting in the water.

Boat filled with limpidity dreams presses lightly on the river formed of starry.