怎樣翻譯塞林格「I think love is a touch and yet not a touch」？

01-17

Loving you is the important thing, Miss Lester. There are some people who think love is sex and marriage and six o』clock-kisses and children, and perhaps it is, Miss Lester. But do you know what I think? I think love is a touch and yet not a touch

—— J.D.Sailinger &
並沒有在任何國內出版的小說集里找到這一篇，但是在網上可以找到。
網上譯作《破碎故事之心》，寫得太美了。上面那一句是點睛之筆。

這句話，看過下面這兩種翻譯：

愛情是含情脈脈但是又羞澀難當。
愛是想觸碰又收回手。

總覺得這兩個翻譯都有欠妥
可以參考這兩個版本的譯文。
破碎故事之心
破碎故事之心【塞林格】
如何將愛情故事中剛開始暗生情愫的那一段描寫得驚心動魄？ - 張得意的回答

謝邀。 @劉松霖邀請我好久，我想一定要看完整篇故事才有資格翻譯好這句話，今天終於得空，所以來翻翻看。

這一句出現在原文里的這樣一段：

I came to New York from Seattle. I was going to become rich and famous and well-dressed and suave. But in four years I"ve learned that I am not going to become rich and famous and well-dressed and suave. I"m a good printer"s assistant, but that"s all I am. One day the printer got sick, and I had to take his place. What a mess I made of things, Miss Lester. No one would take my orders. The typesetters just sort of giggled when I would tell them to get to work. And I don"t blame them. I"m a fool when I give orders. I suppose I"m one of millions who was never meant to give orders. But I don"t mind anymore. There"s a twenty-three-year-old kid my boss just hired. He"s only twenty-three, and I am thirty-one and have worked at the same place for four years. But I know that one day he will become head printer, and I will be his assistant. But I don"t mind knowing this any more.

Loving you is the important thing, Miss Lester. There are some people who think that love is sex and marriage and six-o"clock kisses and children, and perhaps it is, Miss Lester. But do you know what I think? I think that love is a touch and yet not a touch.

我從西雅圖來到紐約，曾以為會出人頭地，飛黃騰達，但卻在4年後發現最初的夢想都遙不可及。我是一個挺稱職的印刷小工，但也就僅僅是一個稱職的印刷小工了。就算有一天印刷員生病不幹了，我頂替了他的職位，也會把一切都弄的一團糟。萊斯特小姐，沒有人會聽從我的指令。我叫排字員去幹活，他們卻只會咯咯竊笑，但我並不會責怪他們。我啊，傻乎乎的，天生就不是能夠發號施令的人。但我不在乎了。老闆剛僱了一個23歲的年輕人來工作，他只有23歲。而我都31了，我做印刷小工做了4年。但我知道早晚有一天這個年輕人會成為印刷員，而我要繼續給他當小工。只是這一切，我都不在乎了。

因為愛你，才是值得在乎的事情，萊斯特小姐。有人覺得愛情是性，是婚姻，是清晨的吻，亦或子孫繞膝。萊斯特小姐，也許愛情真的是這樣吧。但你知道我是怎麼想的嗎？我想，愛是急切伸出的手掌，卻又害羞退縮的指尖。

其實我個人覺得「愛是想觸碰又收回的手」這個最常見的翻譯版本已經是絕了。

同理類比「La recherche du temps perdu"，追憶逝水年華，學了法語之後再看這個翻譯，我已經給譯者跪下了。如果我自己翻譯，可能會譯作「重拾舊日時光」，還得沾沾自喜很久，大牛太多，唯有不斷努力，以有生之涯學無盡之識。

愛是心已動，手未碰。

Loving you is the important thing, Miss Lester.

愛你才是最重要的事情，萊斯特小姐

There are some people who think love is sex and marriage and six o』clock-kisses and children, and perhaps it is, Miss Lester.

一些人認為愛是性，是婚姻，是早安吻，是子孫滿堂，或許吧，萊斯特小姐。

But do you know what I think?

但是你知道我是怎麼想的嗎？

I think love is a touch and yet not a touch

我覺得愛是心之所向，然身之所不往。

這裡的touch應該是包含了兩層的含義。第一層is a touch應該指的是精神層面的，第二層，not a touch應該指的是物理層面的。

當然了，這只是我自己的一種詮釋。一萬個人心中有一萬個哈姆雷特。自己喜歡就好！

感謝 @唐棣在評論里的建議。

I think love is a touch and yet not a touch
我覺得愛是心之所向，然身猶未往

這個「身猶未往」比我的「身之所不往」更上一層樓！這個翻譯目前是我最喜歡的了！

祝好

Loving you is the important thing, Miss Lester. There are some people who think love is sex and marriage and six o』clock-kisses and children, and perhaps it is, Miss Lester. But do you know what I think? I think love is a touch and yet not a touch.

愛你是件很重要的事，萊斯特小姐。有人覺得愛是上床，結婚，每天早上睡眼惺忪的吻，生個孩子，可能確實是這樣，但萊斯特小姐，你知道我怎麼看愛情這回事兒嗎？我想，愛是心已悸動，卻又故作從容。

偶然看到這個徵求翻譯的帖子，當時就是這樣理解的，按照自己的想法翻譯了一遍，確實是自己原創的翻譯，不是摘錄的別人的，可能翻譯也是跟作詩一樣，要靈犀一動，才能勉強達到信達雅的水準，謝謝大家的贊同，會繼續學習努力的。

====2015.01.09更新====

又仔細看了這個故事，補充兩個問題。

1）霍根施拉格是個插畫師助手，豆瓣其中一篇翻譯是錯的。文化程度不一定那麼低，但依然不會太高。而且重要的不是拽文，而是他內心真實情感的表達，所以我依然堅持不能譯得過雅。

2）文章標題建議譯為「碎故事的心」

原文標題是個文字遊戲，調換語序後就是The Story of a Broken Heart. 譯文應該反映這一點，調換語序後是「心碎的故事」

====原答案====

多寫幾句，感謝題主讓我知道這一篇短小說，我非常喜歡。

「愛情是含情脈脈但是又羞澀難當」，情感是對的，但沒有把touch這個詞的雋永含義翻出來。

Horgenschlag的確是含情脈脈的，也是十分羞澀的——羞澀到在公交車上看著自己心儀的女孩兒微微張著嘴，卻不敢上去搭話。

touch，接觸，觸動。

既有身體上的接觸，也有保持聯繫、深入溝通，最後發展到心靈層面的全面接觸、了解、撫摸。

從最初的羞澀到最終的渴望，這些都可以濃縮在touch這個詞裡面。但身體上的不敢觸碰，哪怕是一個指尖，才是這段情愫那麼簡單又那麼動人的開始。

「愛是想觸碰又收回手」，touch的含義翻出來了，但「收回手」是不妥的。這封信是作者假設Horgenschlag在監獄裡寫的信，那個時候他已經搶到了Lester的錢包，他已經碰到了Lester。

「若即若離」以及類似的翻譯大概都是沒看原文就翻的，情感完全不對。重點不是「若即若離」，而是害羞。男人「釣」女人，女人「勾」男人，都可以裝成漫不經心，「若即若離」，而這不是Horgenschlag想說的。

翻譯得過雅更不妥。Horgenschlag只是個油漆工幫手，用詞非常口語化。你讓這麼一個人在信里寫文言，非常假。

綜上，結合原文，把這句話出現的段落翻譯如下：

「Loving you is the important thing, Miss Lester. There are some people who think love is sex and marriage and six o』clock-kisses and children, and perhaps it is, Miss Lester. But do you know what I think? I think love is a touch and yet not a touch.

愛你是件頂重要的事，萊斯特小姐。有人覺得愛是跟她做愛，跟她結婚，每天早上六點鐘親吻她的嘴，跟她生個孩子。萊斯特小姐，這些話也許都沒錯，可你知道我怎麼看這事？我說，愛是只敢輕輕觸到你，卻又想要那麼多。

As to the translation of this sentence, I"m insistently AGAINST 99 % of the versions you"ve read on the web, and here is why.

If you preferred to draw a sentence out of its context, translate it, and put some clever touches to it to make it sound epitaphic, every effort would seem so great. However, that"s not what it"s supposed to be.

Let"s recall the scenario using pithy statements. A man (the author of this sentence) encounters a young lady (Miss Lester) on a bus and feels affection for her at the first sight. Rather than talk fondly to her, he gets to know her by stealing her bag, and then gets prisoned. After his accidental death, a hypothetical love letter to Miss Lester is penned, including the vague sentence to be deciphered by eager Chinese readers/amateur translators.

The context is as follows:

Loving you is the important thing, Miss Lester. There are some people who think that love is sex and marriage and six-o"clock kisses and children, and perhaps it is, Miss Lester. But do you know what I think? I think that love is a touch and yet not a touch.

As is clearly seen, there"s a contrast within the above chunk. "Some people think that love is X, while I think (he thinks) that love is Y."

If X=sex, marriage, six-o"clock kisses, children (all that is material, realistic existence)

then Y=?

To make sense, the sentence needs to incorporate Y as an opposite of X (material world). Thus, Y should be a simple, unworldly concept irrelevant to ordinary romantic and sexual relationships.

What if Y = a touch and yet not a touch?

When we say "love is a touch" and then negate the very statement, we are being either illogical or intentional. Given the authorship of Salinger, we"d embrace the latter — the art of rhetoric by design— without question.

If you"ve already borne in mind that the man steals her bag to approach Miss Lester, you will find it awkward and funny to deem that "the touch is intended and then aborted in the meantime/halfway" because his deed is somewhat and somehow unchecked and rash. Such a restrained manner as withdrawing his hand(s) just doesn"t become him.

Actually, at the beginning of the story, the man feels "the inexpressible agony of being unable to bend down and kiss Lester"s parted lips" on the bus. So he is very unlikely to be reserved or platonic. In the first letter he writes in prison to Lester, he confesses, 「I did not really mean to steal your purse. I just took it because I love you. You see I only wanted to get to know you. Will you please write me a letter sometime when you get the time? It gets pretty lonely here and I love you very much and maybe even you would come to see me some time if you get the time." Apart from the bold claims he makes, more importantly, we know that he"s hungry for Lester"s response and/or her showing up. This of course does not accord with "withdrawing his hand(s)".

In "love is a touch and yet not a touch", the use of touch serves as a pun. A touch describes how simply the man falls in love with Lester—only a touch of the heart is needed, and not a touch indicates that he desires more than that—only a touch of love is definitely not what he promises to give/hopes to receive.

All in all it"s plain to see the whole picture. We have to relate this simple, unworldly concept of love to his distinctive manner, and come up with any of these interpretations:

Love is what simply grows from a moment of contact and yet should not be as primitive as that.

Love could be budding out of the blue, but it"s bound to blossom one day.

Love is an infatuation as well as evolution from that.

That is, loves always starts unannounced from within, and it"s expected to grow immense (if you please).

In Chinese:

旁人目中，情或囿於床笫，或狹指姻緣。抑或例行親暱，子孫頑健。而私以為，情如靜水投石，驟生漣漪，若不成驚濤駭浪，安能如願。

親愛的萊斯特小姐，愛你是件重要的事。

有人認為愛是床笫之歡與浪漫婚姻，

或是睡意朦朧的吻，

抑或是兒女滿堂，

或許這都是愛。

但我並不這麼認為，

親愛的萊斯特小姐，你一定知道我是怎麼想的吧，因為你已經感覺到了吧。

愛是拚命地想要靠近，卻不敢靠近。

夏目漱石問他的學生如何翻譯「I love you」,有學生翻譯成「我愛你」。夏目說：日本人怎麼可能講這樣的話？「今夜月色很好」就足夠了。

中國人說愛，也不會說得這麼直白，touch這一詞說實在的，情感外露得有一些厲害了

應該靦腆一點

愛是每一個，我對你欲言又止的瞬間。

倘若要直譯

我傾向於

愛是，就連輕輕觸碰你一下我也覺得奢侈的情愫。

愛雖縈繞唇指之間卻依舊近不可及。

最後一句試譯為：

愛是觸碰，卻又未敢驚擾。

倚門回首，卻把青梅嗅。

懂得人也許會明白。

謝邀！

對原作沒有很多研究，單純從感覺來說，前一個touch是指內心的觸動；後一個touch是指肉體的接觸。

愛是想碰觸而未敢碰觸的指尖。

————————————————————

遵 @小屋住不下翻譯一整段試一下&>&<

愛你是最重要的事，萊斯特小姐。有人認為愛是做愛，是婚姻，是清晨六點鐘的吻和吵鬧的孩子們。當然，可能真的是這樣，萊斯特小姐。可是你知道我怎麼想的嗎？我覺得愛是想碰觸你而不敢碰到你的指尖。

我總覺得對一個女人來講，在他人眼裡，嫁給一個富有、英俊、有趣並且有聲名的男人是一件重要的事。我完全不受關注，甚至連討厭我的人都沒有，我只是——只是賈斯汀·霍根施拉格。我從未使人愉快、悲傷、生氣、甚至只是一丁點兒反感。人們大概會評價我是個好人，但僅此而已。

——————————

放在整段里我也不知道怎麼說好了……

我想，愛是觸動，而不是觸碰。

個人愚見:感覺塞林格的文風，至少在比喻句之類的這方面是不適合意譯的，美就美在讀者能從簡單又奇特的句子搭配中讀出自己的味道。

@白銀拿鐵文中「禍根」好像說的還是沒這麼文質彬彬的，發乎情止乎禮很好！但感覺和文風不符，意譯有些不合適。

@Van Yu的倚門回首卻把青梅嗅絕了，可惜李清照的女性角度欲說還羞跟「禍根」的角色還是不能完全對應。

@bhuztez切入點太棒了，我之前也想到過題目的順序問題但是沒有想到這句話可以這麼分析！感謝！

從語體風格看，應該翻成幾米那種風格吧。

萊斯特小姐，愛你，真的是件特別重要的事。有人說，愛是做出來的；還有人說，愛就是結婚；還有人說，愛是每天清晨六點鐘的那個吻，對了，還要生個孩子。你知道我是怎麼想的嗎？愛是想要緊緊握住你的手不放，卻只敢悄悄的勾勾你的小指。

我認為愛是有所欲而無所求。愛是發乎情而止於禮

---------------------------------------------------我是分割線---------------------------------------------------------------

「I came to New York from Seattle. I was going to become rich and famous and well-dressed and suave. But in four years I』ve learned that I am not going to become rich and famous and well-dressed and suave. I』m a good printer』s assistant, but that』s all I am. One day the printer got sick, and I had to take his place. What a mess I made of things, Miss Lester. No one would take my orders. The typesetters just sort of giggled when I would tell them to get to work. And I don』t blame them. I』m a fool when I give orders. I suppose I』m just one of the millions who was never meant to give orders. But I don』t mind anymore. There』s a twenty-three-year-old kid my boss just hired. He』s only twenty-three, and I am thirty-one and have worked at the same place for four years. But I know that one day he will become head printer, and I will be his assistant. But I don』t mind knowing this anymore."

「Loving you is the important thing, Miss Lester. There are some people who think love is sex and marriage and six o』clock-kisses and children, and perhaps it is, Miss Lester. But do you know what I think?I think love is a touch and yet not a touch."

「我當初從西雅圖來到紐約，無非是想求得榮華富貴、名利雙收，混個衣著光鮮、溫文爾雅的。但是四年過去，我意識到所有這些簡直是白日做夢。給油漆工打副手我倒是挺在行，但也不過如此了。有一天那油漆工請了病假，我只好替他去當班。看看我搞的這堆爛攤子，萊斯特小姐！根本沒人把我放在眼裡。那些排字工人，我叫他們去幹活，他們聽了只是在下面暗自竊笑。但也不怪他們，我發號施令的樣子看著傻裡傻氣的，興許我是本就不善指使人的類型罷。可我已不再糾結於這些事了。我老闆剛僱了個二十三歲的小夥子。這小子才二十三，而我都三十一了，摸爬滾打了整整四年也沒撈到個一官半職。將來有一天，他會成為印刷工頭，而我會給他打副手，這我也心知肚明。可哪怕心知肚明，我也不再糾結於這些事了。」

「我愛你，這才是我真正在乎的，萊斯特小姐。有些人覺得愛情無非上床、結婚、清晨六點鐘的吻還有生孩子，興許如此吧，萊斯特小姐。可你知道我是怎麼想的嗎？我認為愛是有所欲而無所求。愛是發乎情而止於禮。」

愛是怦然心動，非但例行一吻。

或者：愛是觸動我心，非但觸動我唇。