屁股縫裡長毛是種什麼體驗？

01-06

這讓我想起來以前看到的一個圖，是老外寫的，說他把自己屁股縫裡面的毛都刮乾淨了，從此一流汗，汗就跑進去把屎全部融化了出來，流了一褲子。

千萬別刮肛毛出處見水印

我屮艸芔茻，因為這個問題丟死老漢的人了，我一定要答……

在我還是清純小男生時，覺得長肛毛很羞恥，那時候也沒有知乎給我普及基礎姿勢，大學時跟初戀女友某一次開房，在床上卿卿我我時（只是卿卿我我而已），女朋友弱弱的問了一句「你有沒有肛毛」，我臉一紅心一怔，開始進行激烈的思想活動「她是在意我有沒有肛毛么？難道有肛毛的男人不夠man么？還是她也有肛毛覺得自卑不好意思被我看到呢？」。

於是我義正言辭又面帶慈祥的回答「有啊，難道你沒有么？沒事你不用害臊我以前還刮過呢，肛毛這東西是人人都有的吧，可以防止屎尿屁被崩到褲子里去balabalabala……」一頓科普和答疑後，女朋友反而愣了，十秒鐘過後直接噴了，笑了半個小時……

。

原來她問的是「你有沒有關門」………我惺惺的過去鎖了下門，然後自己蒙被窩裡丟人去了………啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊

刮過肛毛的現身說法，勇敢地不匿了！

前年做一個底盤大修手術，開始前颳了肛毛。之後嚴重影響到了排（放）氣（屁）：肛門會自己分泌些液體，包括周圍的汗液，肛毛可以幫助這一區域保持乾爽，但現在像沾了水的吸盤，不用點力它打不開了。

於是，每次排氣都有點爆發的感覺，還連帶混出來一些很奇怪的東西。偶爾出病房放個風，走著走著啪啪啪的一連串，很響，覺得實在不好意思。

那段日子真是太美，不忍回憶。

@vczh 輪子哥說的那個段子，原帖在此

best of craigslist: WARNING!!!

Don"t Shave That Hair!!!

I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble shitting.

No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can"t-Be-Flushed threshold.

I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don"t I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.

I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.

Little did I know.

I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.

Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic shit- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky shit/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.

Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering shit/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own shit blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks."

Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my ass at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.

As if that wasn"t enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn"t just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.

Friends, DON"T SHAVE YOUR ASS-HAIR!

我擦你怎麼知道我長了很多很長的毛，待會我要詳細解答下……先次飯

剛看到下面有個穿丁字褲會漏出來的，我想說我第一次知道原來女生也會長屁股毛啊！！！！！！！！！！！！！我一直以為我是返祖現象好不好，我一直以為只有男生才會這樣好不好，我一直以為我屬於男生裡面返祖特別嚴重的所以才這樣好不好。

關於返祖是這樣的，我老爸因為眼眶比較突出，眼睛凹陷，我媽說是返祖才長成這樣的。

後來我也長成這樣。。。。。。不僅如此，我還有一個異於常人的大尾椎骨，以至於仰面摔倒就把尾椎給摔斷了還好不是女生因為我娘說如果女生摔斷尾椎就會生不出孩子。

扯遠了，總之我一直覺得屁股縫長如此多的毛是非常奇怪的事情，但是我也漸漸接受了這個現實。

就我個人而言，我屁股縫裡的毛不但濃密，而且長，差不多到了那種如果菊花周圍養，一伸手就能撫摸毛髮的感覺。

奇妙的是，似乎便便並不會黏在這些毛上，算是不幸中的萬幸，當然也可能是我自己這麼認為的，反正這個部位我也看不見。

從視覺效果上，因為我的屁股黑的跟頭髮差不多，所以好像並不是那麼突兀。

比較煩心的就是有時候毛上有東西結住，你並不知道那是什麼，用手摳掉的時候難免菊花一緊，伴隨刺痛和噁心想吐的趕腳，但是習慣了也就好了。

從找女朋友的角度看，當她發現你這裡有毛而且濃密異常的時候，你應該已經得手了，大多數女孩子不會因為這個原因把你甩了。

大概就是這樣

打開這個問題的時候嚇死我了，生怕題主配了圖。

百草摧時始見花。

好問題。

我屁股就長毛，很多毛。

最美好的體驗想必大家都能想像得到，就是拉完粑粑之後，還得清理毛毛上的，有時候用很多紙，這是正常的粑粑。

如果是那種偏乾的就麻煩了，它會粘在毛毛上，不是普通的擦拭就可以搞定，你得手指捏著紙巾，順著毛毛的脈絡慢慢的挼，這個很考驗耐心，如果你焦急，想在臭氣熏天的洗手間里趕緊出去，那麼你錯了，你很容易會把菊花擦出血，這磁對你對菊花，大家都不好啦！

最後說一句，請上天賜我個無毛的菊花吧！

癢起來撓過以後會有聞的衝動

我一直以為大家都長的，真的。

曾經一度認為自己是

女人。。。。。

我以為我是異類，沒想到這才是組織。

沒事千萬別刮！！！！！！！！！

有生只刮過一次，也是由於每次便便都粘到毛上，

我到沒有出現流汗粘到屁股上惡臭的事

不過~~~~~~

當屁股溝開始長新毛時，那感覺就像小時候大人拿鬍渣扎你嫩臉一樣

左右屁股瓣左右互博，周伯通是不是就是刮毛了自創左右互博術，

一整天都癢啊！！！沒人時用手摳啊！！！有人時只有靠意念摳啊！！！！！！！！！！

不請自答，說多了都是眼淚(?_?)

拉翔後用紙巾擦根本擦不幹凈！！！

不管扯幾張紙都擦不幹凈！！！

不管往紙巾上吐口水還是沾自來水擦N遍都擦不幹凈！！！

後來開始研究用濕巾擦屁屁-_-#

用濕巾擦終於有了沒長毛那時清爽的感覺！

殘留在毛毛上的大塊用第一張紙巾擦掉，

然後再用一張濕巾擦拭，折上幾折，完全可以擦乾淨(ˉ▽￣～) ~~

從此濕巾成為生活必需品，或者說是我個人的戰略物資(′?ω?`)

利益相關：心相印濕巾用戶

沒人關注匿不匿也無所謂了╮(╯_╰)╭

屁股沒毛，辦事不牢

初中的時候，我死黨同學告訴我：「屁股上沒毛當不了空軍」

而當我現在能當空軍的時候，我這個同學已經不存在了。

我再也無法求證這句話的意思了。

媽的，我想說個事:

千萬別蛋疼刮[除鬍子以外一切]體毛

π_π

別問我怎麼知道，年少無知

//你們千萬別試啊(°ー°〃)，感覺好罪過

非要逼我說出來（掩面哭

依稀記得那時一年炎熱的夏天

然後我就腦抽

颳了我的[某處]體毛

當時感覺，哈哈哈哈哈哈，好涼爽~

結果過了幾天幾天蛋疼了，是真的蛋疼

請腦補鬍渣搓臉的感覺，我都不知道我是的小兄弟是怎麼熬過那幾個周的〒_〒

我是不是該匿了…

我有兩個好消息，先聽哪個？

一，我校的廁所是座便，有馬桶蓋，能溫水洗PP加烘乾的那種……

二，早在去年，就去美容院把渾身上下的毛都激光了……包括gang毛……現在PP光滑很……

ps.為我做激光的是個女醫生……我是男的……………………………………………………

匿了。

謝邀，個人覺得很霸氣，男人就是要這麼霸氣！